Thank you!

PallasAthena133

2 Maids of Honor it is!

ohwhynot

How far off is your wedding?  Don't ask anyone too soon because relationships change.

But in any event, I don't see a real need to designate one woman as the MOH and the other as a simple BM.  Why not just call them both "attendants" and be done with it? 

bablingbrooke

I don't understand why you asked the hypothetical "Would you make me your MOH" as part of your decision-making process.  It's totally hypothetical and not at all relevant to the situation at hand.  

Don't demote an MOH.  Promote one if you want.  And I would try to repair the relationship with MOH.  It's not irreversible and people do drift apart.  My BFFs and I all live in different parts of the country--I'm in Boston, one is in SF, one in Las Vegas, and one in LA.  Two of us are in grad school.  We haven't seen each other since my wedding and don't get to talk often.  This was also the case before the wedding.  They are still my best friends and I wouldn't have chosen anyone else for my WP.  Life just sometimes makes people drift apart.  Don't punish the girl for being focused on her life right now. 

EDIT; To answer your main question, you don't tell the BM that the other girl is MOH.  Ask her to be a BM but don't have the "why you're not MOH" conversation (which, btw, is spelled "MAID of honor").  It will do nothing but make her feel bad.  How would you feel if a friend sat you down to tell you why you're second-best?

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_made-of-honor-let-one-friend-chose-other-friend-over-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb379db4-0562-4f0e-a53e-418863967a8fPost:19c478a9-6898-4d29-ad3d-4772ce5adf92">Made Of Honor: How do I let one best friend know that I chose my other best friend over her</a>:
[QUOTE]When I became engaged I immediatly floated the idea of my having TWO Maids of Honor to my two best friends who are also friends to eachother. It seemed to me that everyone wins here, both get to be MOH and I get two MOHs. These two are my only brides maids so far. I love them both equally, really and truely, I do not prefer one over the other. I asked them both 'Have you ever considered me for MOH at your wedding in the future, let's say 2 years out?' BF #1 "Well, 2 years away is a long time and I don't know how close we'll be, but I would say you are my closest friend now I would have you be my MOH, yeah" BF #2 "Honestly, I've never really thought about it" Then I asked 'Would you be willing to be MOH along with BF #1(#2)? BF #1 "Sure, that would be fine." BF #2 "NO, I wouldn't. I think you should chose one of us, the one who can help you the most. If it isn't me, then that says something about what you think of me as a friend. And if it isn't me, I'll be a pissed for a while. I'll get over it, but I'll be a little pissed" It really came down to this: I asked BF #1 to be my MOH after she helped me out during a stressful weekend. She and I "get" one another, we think alike and have a lot in common. BF#2 understand me , we also have alot in common, but doesn't make the same choices. I really do care for them equally...how to I tell BF #2 that I prefer BF #1 as my MOH with out damaging our frienship? I should say as a precursor that both of these girls are HIGH MAINTENANCE!! Now, I have to say that 6 months have passed and BF #1 and I are growing apart because she is younger and at a different place in her life (single, still in college with 2 part-time jobs), now BF #2 and I are getting closer because we are the same age and are at similar stage of life (young professionals in a commited relationship). I have not told BF #2 that I asked BF #1 to be my MOH. Now I wish I wouldn't have been so hasty becuase I am rethinking that decision. But if I tell BF #1 that I want BF #2 to be my MOH instead, she'll be really hurt. I'm stuck... What do I do?
Posted by PallasAthena133[/QUOTE]

You asked them if they would consider YOU as their MOH?  Why in the name of all that's holy was that even asked?  You were wrong, wrong, wrong to ask that and put them on the spot.

Being someone's MOH is not a tit for tat or a reward for previous service.

Bottom line: you asked too soon.  You set them both up for thinking they were MOH.  Now that you've implied that they'll both be MOH, I think you need to follow through and have them both.

This is not a problem with them.  This one's on your shoulders.  You handled it poorly and now are reaping the consequences of your actions.

Have 2 MOH.  If one backs out, it's her decision.

britne28

Should have listened to BF #1 and picked #2.  BF #1 told you she didn't know how close you will be down the road, if that's not a hint, I don't know what is.  Flash forward to now and you aren't as close. Bf #1 also told you while she would be pissed she would get over it.  Again, she gave you the valid answer.  Should have picked #2.

bablingbrooke

Holy heck your wedding is 2 1/2 years away.  Why are you even asking them now?

emilyinchile

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Whether or not they would consider you for MOH has nothing to do with anything. You should have asked the person who you were closest to. Despite the fact that you went about it horribly, it sounds as though you actually did do that - BF 1 was closer to you at the time you chose to pick your MOH.

All that's left to do is ask BF 2 if she'll be a BM, if you'd like her to be one. Don't explain why she didn't make the cut for MOH. And don't demote BF 1. You made a decision, now live with it.

Seriously, first post - is this a troll?

gottahavashorti

Why did you do MOH interviews?  No, you can't ask your MOH to step down.  You can add a second MOH or ask the other friend to be a BM and she can figure it out.  Don't have the "you're not the MOH" conversation with her, it comes across as "hey you weren't good enough at the time."  But if your wedding is actually 2.5 years away, wait 1.5 to 2 years to do this.

CTGirl30

Your wedding is in August 2012 (if your profile is correct)- why on earth are you discussing wedding party stuff with your friends NOW?  At the earliest you have this conversation 6 -9 months before the wedding date. Which means this wasn't anything to worry about until about January 2012 - 2 years from now. Relationships can change over time...which is why it's generally advisable to wait until closer to your wedding to ask.

For future reference, you don't ask people to be in your WP based on how much they'll help you or whether or not you'd been in their WP previously (or by asking hypothetical questions such as "Would you ever make me YOUR Maid of Honor?") You ask the people who are closest to you emotionally because you love them and want to honor their presence in your life by asking them to stand up for you on your wedding day.

BUT since you already ASKED both girls - 6 months ago at that, what's done is done. You have one MOH already but that doesn't mean you can't have two if you so decide you'd like to ask the 2nd friend to also be MOH. If you do not ask Friend 2, for the love of God do NOT sit down the other girl and tell her why she didn't "make the cut" as MOH.

krmabojo

Never ever ever ever ever EVER pick your BP until 6ish months before your wedding.

emilykathleen511

I agree with everyone so far except Britne28. Don't demote your MOH and don't have a talk with the other girl about why she wasn't good enough.