My bridesmaids wants to leave early to.......

balasj

I'm with you - I'd be sad if a good friend left early for that provided she found a responsible sitter.  If she's having trouble with the "responsible sitter" part then I can understand her feeling like she has to go home and check but if the baby is with a trusted friend or relative then I'd be a little sad too that she couldn't spend the whole evening out.  I wouldn't expect her to be the last one on the dance floor per say, but cutting out super early stinks. 

Why don't more new parents look forward to a night out?!  I would!

kathrynhabibti

[QUOTE]I'm with you - I'd be sad if a good friend left early for that provided she found a responsible sitter.  If she's having trouble with the "responsible sitter" part then I can understand her feeling like she has to go home and check but if the baby is with a trusted friend or relative then I'd be a little sad too that she couldn't spend the whole evening out.  I wouldn't expect her to be the last one on the dance floor per say, but cutting out super early stinks.  Why don't more new parents look forward to a night out?!  I would!
Posted by balasj[/QUOTE]
She's breastfeeding. She needs to go home and nurse.

bablingbrooke

I agree, balasj, that parents should look forward to a night out and shouldn't be tethered to their kids to the point that they're missing out.  However, that's not really what's going on here.  It's not like she's skipping the wedding entirely--she's leaving early to breastfeed her baby.  An entirely reasonable compromise.  By leaving early, she's getting the night out away from the baby, but is getting back early enough to do the mom-only stuff.  

The BM leaving a couple hours early isn't any sort of big deal and OP isn't going to notice it.  Like I said, my MOH apparently left early and I had no idea because she didn't come up to tell me, and that's the only way I knew when someone left.

mysticl

Pumping takes a while, it's not just ducking into the bathroom for 5 minutes.  Also, most bm dresses aren't "easy access" depending on the style she may have to completly undress which would not be fun in a public restroom.  What she is pumping out is the baby's dinner, are you suggesting she should party rather than feed her child?  And if you ask a mother to choose between you and her child don't be surprise if she never speaks to you again.

PeonyPrincesskdd

Okay I've breastfed for 8 months with my daughter and I know all about it.  The mother has timed and scheduled pumping sessions/feedings.  She probably very well calculated that she would perhaps for example pump at 5 pm at home and then the ceremony and reception would start at say 6 so she probably knows if she pumps beforehand than she has 5 hours until she has to pump a second time.

You have to empty your breasts every 3-5 hours and 5 hours is the max because then your breasts get full and its painful and uncomforable and even milk could start leaking out and its a mess.. soo you have to pump..

therefore a bathroom should NEVER be an option.

And if the mother wanted to pump in say a bridal suite, I am sure she would have asked.  Nursing mothers are always aware of possibilities wherever they go. 

The mother probably very well calculated when she would next have to pump.  I would say she if the ceremony started at 6 she would need to either nurse or pump at 10 pm.. therefore making most of the ceremony except maybe the last hour if the ceremony ended at 11.

Whatever the actual timing was though, it doesn't matter.  The mother knows exactly when she needs to pump next and she opbviously thought it was completly fine to leave early which it is.. because she needs to nurse her baby.. she obviously doesn't want to pump in a bathroom otherwise she would have asked the bride, "Do you have a private area in the bridal suite where I can pump".

If she doesn't want to pump, then she shouldn't have to.  If she wanted to, she would. 

It would be rude and out of line to say to her, "Oh you can pump in the bathroom instead of leaving early to go nurse your baby"

the mother can do whatever she wants and shes the mother, and she gets to decide what she wants to do in regard to feeding and bathing the baby.

I really don't get people sometimes.

It really makes no difference if she ducks out of the reception a little earlier.. Like everyone said, other guests will probably do the same.  Just because your in the bridal party does not mean you have to stay the entire duration of the reception just because the bride wants to demand so.

bfuller1085

I personally went to a wedding where 6 of the 9 BMs were new moms and they pumped before and/or in the private bathroom we had during. I didnt read all of the posts and don't care to b/c Im with you on this. I would be pretty pissed. Their "jobs" do not end after the ceremony. I picked my BMs to be there to support me at the ceremony and celebrate with me afterwards. Not to stand there then ditch.

Go ahead and start bashing what I just said. I dont care and Ill never read this post again. Good Luck tpyrch. Unfortunatly a lot of girls on this site believe its their way or no way and if you dont agree they think your a POS. Well guess what ladies...we all have our own opinions and I fully believe its rude to be a part of a bridal party then ditch part way through the reception. Nothing you say will change that, but have fun btching at me for it

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaids-wants-leave-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bb7549ed-6184-4a5c-bc0b-9b876116b3cdPost:8094a01d-ee1c-42c1-87b4-eb870a68fb35">Re: My bridesmaids wants to leave early to.......</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally went to a wedding where 6 of the 9 BMs were new moms and they pumped before and/or in the private bathroom we had during. I didnt read all of the posts and don't care to b/c Im with you on this. <strong>I would be pretty pissed. Their "jobs" do not end after the ceremony.</strong> I picked my BMs to be there to support me at the ceremony and celebrate with me afterwards<strong>. Not to stand there then ditch. </strong>Go ahead and start bashing what I just said. I dont care and Ill never read this post again. Good Luck tpyrch. Unfortunatly a lot of girls on this site believe its their way or no way and if you dont agree they think your a POS. Well guess what ladies...we all have our own opinions and I fully believe its rude to be a part of a bridal party then ditch part way through the reception. Nothing you say will change that, but have fun btching at me for it
Posted by bfuller1085[/QUOTE]

Why would you be pissed?  This particular bridesmaid does not want to pump in the bathroom.  You ask the bridesmaid 6-9 months before the wedding to be in your wedding party and maybe a <em>few days</em> before the wedding she tells you that she will be skipping out a little early.. it can be as early as an hour.. we do not know.. but at that point what are you going to do as the bride? Are you going to kick her out of the wedding party.. or are you going to force and try to demand that she has to stay the entire duration of the reception? 

I don't think there is anything at all the bride CAN do.  If she wants she can offer the bathroom idea or the bridal suite or whatever, but the bridesmaid can decline and stick to her own idea of leaving a little early for the reception.  The bride can not do anything about it at all and just has to deal with it.  
 
Who said that the bridesmaid would stand there for the ceremony and then ditch?  I think you are being very extreme here.  The OP never said that the bm would be ditching the reception alltogether. 

She said the bm would be leaving a little early.  My take on that would be that the bm would stay for the introduction, the dances, the dinner, the cake, the dancing, and then miss maybe the last half hour or hour of the reception.  I don't think they will just eat and leave.  Even though she CAN do that if she wants to, I don't think it's wise to assume that, because that is not what the OP said.  OP said the bm would simply be leaving early to go home to nurse her child.

whirlybird27

MairePoppy-I was thinking the same thing the whole time!

Is this SERIOUSLY an issue to absolutely ruin your friendship over? Because I GUARANTEE you that if you make this a big deal/guilt her in any way now or in the future that is exactly what will happen.

I just cannot fathom the level of uncaringness that came across in your post. I hope you didn't say this to your bm or any friends because if you did you will have a lot of explaining to do.

banana468

Janis06, this was an essentially dead thread.  There was no need to resurrect it now that it's two months old.

Beyond that, I think your advice is extremely short sighted.