My Cousin

sbgruthy1308

So my FI and I aren't getting married until 2013 so we can finish school and such. Well I want those 3 years to plan.  It would be stupid to have all this time and wait until a few months before to start planning right?

Well anyway, my cousin used to be my best friend until about 2 years ago.  Basically she's made a lot of dumb choices, and has hurt me on many different levels.  I think everyone in my family, including her, expect her to be in my wedding party as a bridesmaid.  Infact, I don't think they only expect it, I think they will be shocked, and some of them upset if I don't include her.  I however, feel as though the other ladies I want in my wedding have earned their place. They have been terrific friends, some since grade school. 

Recently, she hurt me in a horrible way, and not going into details, but it has to do with a sexual predator and me, and now she's friends with him... anyway. So my FI doesn't even want her at the wedding.  Obviously she will be there, but he's on my side and I'm thinking will fight anyone to the death before he lets her be in the wedding. What do you think?  She's family, but she's definately no friend. Do I include her? I really need opinions and options here. Thank you!

bablingbrooke

Wait until 2012 and then revisit this.  You feel very strongly about her now, but that may radically change in 3 years.  Remember how differently you viewed your relationship 3 years ago?  It could change just as radically again.  Maybe not.  But why the rush?  Why not wait?

3 years ago I wasn't even dating my DH.  3 years ago I was waaaay more interested in another guy at work.  3 years ago I had just agreed to be a BM in a wedding for someone I don't even talk to that often anymore.  3 years is a loooooong time.  Don't make decisions about this sort of thing 1) when you're still hurting and 2) years before they actually need to be made.  If people ask just say "Oh, we've got such a long time until the wedding we aren't even thinking about that yet" and then change the subject.

trix1223

Your wedding is a full 3 years away.  I don't think you really need to be planning anything at this point, actually.  Styles, taste, budgets, life, circumstances all can change dramatically in 3 years.

The LEAST of the things you should be planning is your WP.  As brooke said, things might well look different to you 2.5 years from now.  And there isn't anything...and I mean NOTHING....for a WP to do this early, anyway.

Don't ask anyone yet. Why?  Scroll down this board and see the countless posts from brides who asked way too early (as in now for a 2013 wedding) and when the relationships changed, now want to know how to kick someone out.

There are no real reasons to ask anyone now, and hundreds of great reasons NOT to ask anyone yet.

If people ask you, you can honestly say "Oh it's much too early to be thinking about a WP now.  We're just enjoying being engaged."

MyNameIsNot

It's a really bad idea to ask your WP more than a year in advance.  Your relationships with all of these people will change over the next 3 years.  If you want to book your vendors and pick your colors, go for it.  (Although it's not a good idea).  But when it comes to other people, it's not smart to start early.

For now, whenever anyone mentions the wedding party, say "oh, the wedding isn't until 2013.  It's far too early to think about that yet!"  When you get to less than a year out, re-evaluate your relationship with this cousin.  2 years is a long time.  Things may change dramatically between the two of you between now and then.

stina93446

Your wedding is WY to far in the future to even be thinking about WP issues. Come back to this a year out from the date. You may even have made up when that time comes.

SarahPLiz

I say wait. Don't make any decisions now. YOu can start getting ideas without having a wedding party, so just revisit this decision 6-9 months before the wedding.