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Exciting news, tricky situation

One of BM's just found out she is pregnant!!! She and her H were so cute; they called us to tell us first before anyone else b/c they were worried about our wedding (they are both in it and their daughter is the FG). I told her of course I still want her in my WP!

Anyways, she is due late Aug. and our wedding is late July. She had complications with her last pregnancy and her daughter was two months pre-mature. Because of this, there's a chance she might be on bed rest towards the end of her pregnancy. My only concern is that I don't want her to shell out money for a dress and not be able to wear it (then her H and daughter might not be in it and they would also lose money for the tux and FG dress--they are already pressed for cash).

I am looking at dresses this week. Has anyone dealt with David's Bridal with an issue like this? Is there any way they can hold off on ordering until May or June? She also will have no idea what her measurements will be by then. Or is it easier to just say "Pick out a cocktail length black dress" and have her find one herself?

Last question: If she is unable to make it, should I still list her name in the program as a BM normally or put "honorary bridesmaid"? Does putting that make it sound like she has passed away?


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Re: Exciting news, tricky situation

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exciting-news-tricky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bd9bd250-7b48-4803-b1b5-fb2dab4a95f4Post:04d85bd0-1c3b-4de6-a76b-a69303205cf4">Exciting news, tricky situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of BM's just found out she is pregnant!!! She and her H were so cute; they called us to tell us first before anyone else b/c they were worried about our wedding (they are both in it and their daughter is the FG). I told her of course I still want her in my WP! Anyways, she is due late Aug. and our wedding is late July. She had complications with her last pregnancy and her daughter was two months pre-mature. Because of this, there's a chance she might be on bed rest towards the end of her pregnancy. My only concern is that I don't want her to shell out money for a dress and not be able to wear it (then her H and daughter might not be in it and they would also lose money for the tux and FG dress--they are already pressed for cash). I am looking at dresses this week. Has anyone dealt with David's Bridal with an issue like this? Is there any way they can hold off on ordering until May or June? She also will have no idea what her measurements will be by then. Or is it easier to just say "Pick out a cocktail length black dress" and have her find one herself? Last question: If she is unable to make it, should I still list her name in the program as a BM normally or put "honorary bridesmaid"? Does putting that make it sound like she has passed away?
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]


    I would go the black dress route. We used DB for our BM's dresses and most of them were in well before the time frame they specified, but I think that would be cutting it a bit too close, esp since that is prime wedding season.

    As far as listing her in the program, I am not totally sure on that one.
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    I would second Retread. In this case, even if all of your WP women choose to wear the same dress, everyone is going to understand why almost new or new mommy is in a different style of dress.

    And, if she buys her dress from a department store with a good return policy and can't make it to your wedding, she can just return it. That way she won't be out any cash.

    And definitely list her as a member of the WP in your program. She's still "in", even if she can't be there.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_exciting-news-tricky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bd9bd250-7b48-4803-b1b5-fb2dab4a95f4Post:04d85bd0-1c3b-4de6-a76b-a69303205cf4">Exciting news, tricky situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of BM's just found out she is pregnant!!! She and her H were so cute; they called us to tell us first before anyone else b/c they were worried about our wedding (they are both in it and their daughter is the FG). I told her of course I still want her in my WP! Anyways, she is due late Aug. and our wedding is late July. She had complications with her last pregnancy and her daughter was two months pre-mature. Because of this, there's a chance she might be on bed rest towards the end of her pregnancy. My only concern is that I don't want her to shell out money for a dress and not be able to wear it (then her H and daughter might not be in it and they would also lose money for the tux and FG dress--they are already pressed for cash). I am looking at dresses this week. Has anyone dealt with David's Bridal with an issue like this? Is there any way they can hold off on ordering until May or June? She also will have no idea what her measurements will be by then. Or is it easier to just say "Pick out a cocktail length black dress" and have her find one herself? <strong>Last question: If she is unable to make it, should I still list her name in the program as a BM normally or put "honorary bridesmaid"? Does putting that make it sound like she has passed away?</strong>
    Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]


    In my own personal opinion,which may differ from others,respectively, I would most definitely still ad her in the program. One of my groomsmen is over fighting in the war and will be unable to attend anything that goes along with the wedding (bachelor party,ceremony,ect) and we are still including him in the program.
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    DItto everything PPs said. 

    If it turns out she can't be there, don't forget to have her bouquet sent to her!
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    I don't know how many maternity dresses DB carries, but you can also buy any of their dresses in the store off the rack if you wanted.  What color are you having your BM's wear?  If you can I would go for a simple color and just tell her to get any dress she wants in that color.  If she is able to get it at a regualar department store like Macy's then she will actually be able to return it if she can't wear it.  DB doesn't take any returns so she would just be out the money.
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    I would let her get a dress off the rack in a similar color. I mean, her dress is going to be different anyhow --unless you put all your girls in maternity dresses :).
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    For those who asked, I am just doing black dresses, so yes, it would be very easy for her to find something different that fits in.

    I guess my question about the program, is that I definitely want to acknowledge her if she is absent and list her, but will people wonder why there are four names and three girls? Should I say anything about her beyond just listing her name or just leave it at that and people will understand (even if they don't know her) that there must be extenuating circumstances that she isn't present.


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    I would list her as an honorary BM in the program. I would wonder why there are 4 BMs in the program and 3 at the altar.  Honorary is appropriate for absentee but doesn't necessarliy mean deceased. 
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    I would write honorary BM.  It is not just for the deceased, it is for anyone who would be a BM but couldn't attend the wedding.  I don't think you need any further explanation than that.  If you wanted to though, you could write something on the back like "Honorary BM Susie Jones couldn't be here today as she is celebrating the birth of her new son," or "couldn't be here today as she is awaiting the arrival of the newest addition to their family."  But again, I don't think it's necessary.
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    DH's brother couldn't make it (refused any financial assistance, then cried poverty at the end), but we still listed him with the groom's attendants, with no special indication.  Few enough people even took the programs, so if anyone was confused by the situation, I wasn't aware of it.  Plus, depending on when your programs are printed, that avoids the possibility of listing her as an honorary bridesmaid and then finding out that she's able to attend.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    I would just list her as a bridesmaid in the program, don't worry about the "honorary" for the reasons Aerin said.  If she can't make it, maybe when you're being introduced at the reception or something, the DJ could say something about her not being there because "she's awaiting the newest member of the family" or "celebrating the birth of whoever"
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    I dont know if this will help in your situation but I thought I would make the suggestion, I know that nordstroms and bloomingdales have a pretty relaxed return policy at least in my area so maybe if your BM could find a dress there. I am not sure if one is close to her but I know that they will allow her to return it for at least store credit, which might help with some baby items if she ends up not being able to make it to the wedding.

    I must say though, I love your whole outlook on this things, it is really great of you. And like someone suggested above, make sure you send her her bouquet that day.
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