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Bridemaid Dress Dilemma

My wedding is in one month and one week.  And one of my bridemaids doesnt fit into her dress.  It is a size 14 and there is no way she can fit into it.

My maid of honor (my sister) has a size 16 that she needs to ge altered down because it is too big on her. 

In a perfect world my maid  of honor could switch to wear the 14 and the other bridemaid could wear the 16.

The dresses are the exact same dress.  My MOH refuses to switch dresses and screamed at me and told her it is not her problem. Even my mom is taking her side saying its not her problem and we need to find another soultion.

I understand it is not her problem but I dont know what else to do at this moment.  We dont have enough time to order another dress before the wedding.

My MOH has a size 16 thats to big on her.  I just dont get why she would get the size 16 altered down to a size 14 when we have a size 14!


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Re: Bridemaid Dress Dilemma

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    SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
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    edited November 2009
    Actually, I am going to be mean here and say its not your problem at all. Its the problem of the girl who doesnt fit in the dress and waited until the last minute to figure it out. SHE needs to find a solution.

    5 weeks is plenty of time to rush order a dress, or find one on Ebay. While it would be nice for your MOH to cooperate, she doesn't have to. Unless you purchased the dresses, you have no control over what they do with them. Its THEIR dress. If you did purchase the dresses for them, then you have a leg to stand on in this argument.  
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    I see your point, and it's kind of frustrating that the easiest answer is meeting with resistance. That said, if the BMs all bought their dresses, it's MOH's dress, and you can't make her trade it with someone if she'd rather alter it.

    Is it possible to get the size 14 altered bigger, maybe with the addition of side panels in the same fabric? I don't know if you could order extra fabric faster than you could get a new dress (either from a retailer or on ebay). You might suggest that to the BM, but then stay out of it. It's her mess, and it's her responsability to fix it by your wedding day. If it's not going to happen, and you'd be ok with her wearing a different dress, you could also offer that option.
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    MOH is being a pill, but you can't force her into exchanging dresses.


    Ditto PPs in that this isn't your problem. The BM can find a new dress on her own, or figure out a way to get the smaller one to fit. Of course you can help her if you wish, but it's not your responsibility to do it FOR her. 

    She can find a matching shawl and a seamstress might be able to add some fabric from it to the dress. Or she can check eBay for a dress in her size (or one in the same color/fabric that she can use for scrap material to re-build the original dress). 

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    Not your problem.  Unless it's somehow your fault (i.e. you ordered the dresses and intentionally ordered the wrong size, which I doubt you did) it's up to the BM whose dress doesn't fit.  

    While I don't get the overreaction your MOH is showing, I do agree it's not her problem to solve.  This other girl either gained weight or ordered the wrong size, it's up to her to fix it.  Not you.  Back away.  

    Apologize to the MOH; you didn't do anything wrong but just do it to clear the air.  And the BM knows what she has to do.  But stop involving yourself right now.
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    While you have a very easy solution, it's not your problem. It's her fault and she needs to fix it. I am sure this refusing to get the bigger dress is probably one of those "I'm NOT that big" issues. Let her throw a fit and not get her dress to fit.
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    MOH is being a brat, but there isn't much you can do about it.  Although, I do wonder exactly what her problem is that she's so upset she has to scream about it.

    Anyway, it's not your problem.  Tell her the options some of the other posters listed, and let it go. 
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    Thanks for your suggestions.

    With my MOH I think its more than just a dress problem.  She has a control problem.  When we picked out the cake she kept arguing with me about why I didnt want pillars on the cake.  I finally comprimised so she would stop making a fool of that.  My mom also threw a fit.  because I wanted to trade cake books with her because I had already looked at the one in front of me and she hadnt looked through it yet.  She folded her arms and sat back and pouted.  I feel like they are both big babies sometimes who are completely against me. 

    We are going to the seamstress tonight to see if she can add any panels to the dress.  I just cant get over why my MOH is going to alter a size 16 down to a size 14 when we have a size 14!

    As much as I would love to leave my BM to do this on her own, I dont just want to desert her.  She is the one BM who is constantly helping and asking what she can do for me.  I feel when need to stick together as a wedding party since my MOH and my mother have turned on us.
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    I think you need to stop involving the MOH in wedding decisions. She sounds like a really toxic "friend," to be honest.
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    Even worse.  She's my sister.

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    Def. stop involving MOH in wedding stuff.  It's not worth the stress she's adding.

    You aren't "deserting" your friend in this.  It's her dress, she needs to fix it.  If you really want to help her, pay for the alterations.  Otherwise she's just on her own.  
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    Definitely help your BM as you would help a friend in any non-wedding situation. It's nice to hear that your reaction isn't "well if she's too big for her dress, she's not a BM!" Just don't feel like this is your problem to solve as a bride.

    MOH sounds just lovely. If you aren't able to stand up to her on wedding stuff, then keep her out of any planning that's left! I'd give the same advice for mom, but that's a more complicated situation. Good luck with the dress tonight!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridemaid-dress-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bdf53b31-25a8-465e-ac1a-1a483744d172Post:4a4ead83-6ea6-4f4d-b874-522bf9183c76">Re: Bridemaid Dress Dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]Even worse.  She's my sister.
    Posted by specky9[/QUOTE]

    Just saw this. Ugh to your female relatives.
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    Your family sounds crazy.  I think it's great you're trying to help your BM out.  Good luck.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridemaid-dress-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bdf53b31-25a8-465e-ac1a-1a483744d172Post:795cb918-4361-48e6-ab4f-83399510a83c">Re: Bridemaid Dress Dilemma</a>:
    [QUOTE]She can find a matching shawl and a seamstress might be able to add some fabric from it to the dress. 
    Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is exactly what my BM did when she realized ONE WEEK before my wedding that she'd gained weight and her dress no longer fit.  So breathe, you've got time, it's just a dress, it'll work out.  Actually, that's exactly what I told my BM when SHE freaked out.  LOL</div><div>
    </div><div>Sorry about your sis & mom, btw.  If they were doing this to me, they'd be gone from my wedding planning in about 3 seconds flat.</div>
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    Your non-crazy BM shouldn't really have a problem: most dresses can be taken in or out up to two sizes, it just depends how much fabric is in the seams.  If that won't work, you could try adding panels or a corset back.  Just advise her to get to a seamstress pronto so she won't have to pay rush charges.
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    I can see why youre upset, but if the one girl wont switch, there really isnt anything you can do. Its a total bummer that the dress doesnt fit the one girl, but why didnt she order a size that fit her? If she ordered it too small, then its her own fault, and you shouldnt stress too much about it. If it fits her on the day, great, if not Im sure she would be happy to attend as a guest.

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