Groomsman death

annarussell05

I am writing for advice on what to do when a member of your wedding party passes away.  My fiance's friend and groomsman recently passed away and I am really without any idea how to proceed. Should he be replaced in the wedding by another friend or would that be unkind?  How can we remember him in our ceremony and on our website?  Our wedding is in May.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 

trix1223

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Please don't replace him~it would disrespectful to his memory and disrespectful to the "place filler".

I'd mention him in the program, and if you're having a religious ceremony, ask your priest/minister to include him in one of the prayers.

Uneven sides in WPs are more and more common, and in a case like this, preferable.

Again, my sympathies to you.

Miss_Sophia

Please don't replace him, uneven sides are fine.

You can remember him in your program maybe making a special mention of those who could not be with us tonight, or a rose on the altar. Maybe the groomsmen coul d have something added to their boutineer.

 You could also do a toast at the reception.

I am truly sorry for your loss and I hope the rest of your planning goes well.

[Deleted User]

Ditto pp's. I am sorry to hear about the loss. Definitely don't replace him. Just honor him in another special way, like in the program, having your H carry something in his pocket that was his or putting his picture on your cake table at the reception, etc.

Good luck with the rest of your planning!

lisalou402

I would also see what DH wants to do.  It's a terrible thing, i'm so sorry.
Honoring him would be a great piece of the wedding.

mbcdefg

Sorry about your friend

Definitely do not replace him. It's never necessary to replace a bridal party member, no matter what the circumstances. You don't need even sides, and it's an insult to everyone involved (it tells the original person that they're replaceable, it tells the remaining bridal party members that they can also be easily replaced, and it tells the new person that they weren't good enough to make the cut the first time around but now they'll do because you need a warm body up there to match up sides).

As far as how to honor your friend ... I'd personally wait a while and let everyone grieve and start to heal a bit. If his family will be invited to the wedding, I would consult them first and foremost on what you have in mind to remember him. They might have ideas on what you can do, or they might ask you to not do anything at all because the wound is too fresh. (My husband's mother passed away 7 years ago, but he still asked me not to mention her in our program or our ceremony ... of course he loves and misses her, but he and the rest of the family would've been very emotional and it really would've dragged everyone down. They all remembered her in their own way.)

If his family gives you the green light, or if they won't be invited, you can mention something in your program, offer a short prayer for him during the ceremony, or light a candle for him. You can do something without specifically mentioning it's for him, too, that way it's still a tribute but everyone doesn't need to know that it's for a deceased person ... incorporate a special flower into your bouquet and your FI's boutonniere (maybe his favorite flower, his fraternity's flower, the color of his favorite sports team), make a quiet donation to an organization he supported, play his favorite song at some point during the reception, serve an appetizer or entree that he was know to love or to cook well, etc.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-death?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bf5dd344-1dd8-48c0-be33-bfcb1294b32dPost:6ff10cb3-2752-48d7-b510-93040ee9a09a">Groomsman death</a>:
[QUOTE]I am writing for advice on what to do when a member of your wedding party passes away.  My fiance's friend and groomsman recently passed away and I am really without any idea how to proceed. Should he be replaced in the wedding by another friend or would that be unkind?  How can we remember him in our ceremony and on our website?  Our wedding is in May.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 
Posted by annarussell05[/QUOTE]

<div><span style="font-size:10.8px;" class="Apple-style-span">I'm very sorry for your FI loss.</span></div><div><span style="font-size:10.8px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-size:10.8px;" class="Apple-style-span">When my parent's got married my dad's best man died 3 months before their wedding. He did not replace him (because in my dad's eyes, he can never be replaced). As for honoring him, everyone has different ways, some do candles at the reception, some list it at the end of the programs, some leave a rose on a chair, there are many ways out there to remember him. I would suggest when your wedding gets closer to look up the one you and your FI are most comfortable with.</span></div>

stephdonjon

My condolences for you and your FI's loss. 

Like everyone else has said, do not replace him in the wedding party. Uneven sides are never an issue, and in this situation, is just the appropriate thing to have. You can honor him by mention in the program or I really like the idea of a toast during the reception. Ask your FI if there is anything special he would like to do to honor his friend as well, once some time has passed and he's comfortable discussing it.

quiggels219

This same thing actually just happened to me, our best man passed away 2 weeks ago.  We were having co-best men so now we just have one.  I would also say not to replace him.  What I have thought about doing is 1. have a reserved seat at the ceremony in the front row with some flowers and maybe a madison badger stuffed animal (they met in college at Madison and were huge fans).  2.  I was going to get small RedSox logos and give one to each member of the wedding party to pin inside their dress or tux (he was also a huuuuge RedSox fan).  3.  I was going to find a picture, maybe from their other good friends wedding last year which had a very similar wedding party to us and place it somewhere, either at the escort card table or the gift table.  

I am sorry for your loss, I know how difficult this is to deal with and how delicate you have to be when trying to honor his memory at your wedding but trying to not bring everyone down at the same time.  If you get any other suggestions you think are good or just want another bride who understands to bounce things off of feel free to email me.  Crquigley@gmail.com  

Ashes_3

I am greatly sorry for your loss. I agree with pp in not replacing him. I'd also do something to remember him!

mcglynn2011

I am very sorry to hear about your loss!! May god be with your family and the family of the groomsmen.....

I know alot of people on here are saying don't replace him. But your wedding day is suppose to be a day of happiness and i think noticing the fact that one groomsmen is missing will only bring memories of the loss back to you on that day. My suggestion is You maybe ask someone in his family, maybe even his father to take his place in honor of him! and then at the ceremony ask the father/ priest to say a prayer for him and then maybe make a toast to him at the ceremony. Just a suggestion, it is something i would do. Best of luck to you and your fiance! congrats! 

mwitter80

I agree with mcglynn. I attended a wedding where the father stood in place of a groomsman that had past.  The death was early, but not entirely a surprise due to a terminal illness.  His father was in very good spirits and honored to stand there in his sons place.  In conversatin afterwards with my friends they said it made it easier to deal with the loss because the father was dealing with it so well.

I am unaware of the circumstances but if it's similar I think it all around made the day easier for everyone.

dkgilly

I'm sorry so sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't replace him, unless you asked someone to stand in his honor (like the ladies above mentioned).