Two Part Question

macjam08

HI Ladies!

I have a two part question regarding my bridal party.

1) I've seen in a lot of the Wedding books and things i've researched online indiicate that I should delegate the bridal party with certain duties. I'm a bit confused by this. I'm already planning this wedding alone and of course I want my MOH/BM's to help .... but I don't know with that. Does anyone have any idea what the BM's responsibilities are? I was under the impression that BM are there for you on the big day ... but I could be wrong.

2) I have a good friend who is currently out of state. I wanted to ask her to be a BM; however, is it fair to the other bridesmaids? My MOH & BM are hopefully going to help with  setting up the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party. If I ask the OOS BM to be in the wedding, I don't want it to feel as if she didn't participate in anything because she wasn't able to due to the distance. Or, I don't want my other BM's to feel as though they did so much and the OOS BM didn't.

Help, please!

Thanks!!

Summer2011Bride

1) Ignore the bridal magazines and websites (including TK) when they give you lists of "duties" the WP is supposed to do. They are just out to make a dime and don't care about your loved ones. Your WP absolutely has NO duties and does not have to help plan your wedding at all. If they offer, great, but if not, don't delegate to them.

2) Every single one of my BMs lived OOT from me. It wasn't a big deal. The only thing they have to do is order and buy their dress, which is easy now with stores like DB and also being able to call up a local store and give their measurements. NO ONE has to throw you a shower or b-party. So if some BMs take that on, that is their choice, and nothing should get held against anybody who did not participate. You should ask the people you love the most to be in your WP, not those who can help plan parties for you.

macjam08

Thanks! I guess i'm worrying too much about what the BM's might think. Thank you for your opinion.

aerinpegadrak

As for the helping, let them come to you.  The ones who are interested in helping in some way will ask, at which point you can find something for them to do, or tell them, "I'm set for now, but I'll let you know if I need anything."  If some or all of them don't offer any sort of help, that's fine too.  Some people are busy, or broke, or love you but don't like weddings.

With as connected and mobile as we are today, out-of-town attendants are pretty common.  If she indicates that she wants to help with a bachelorette party or shower, put her in contact with whomever has offered to throw it for you.  (If no one offers, those parties don't happen.)  Even if she can't make the trip, she can possibly pitch in some cash, or make some food/decorations and send them along, or record a little message for you to be played during the party, or whatever will work for everyone.  If she's not interested in being part of those parties, that's fine too, and it would be petty for any bridesmaid to begrudge her that, since participation is optional for all of them, and there's no weight to pull.

You're fine to be low key about it, don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

PhoneCardLady

I agree with the PP's.

FYI -  when my BFF got married, one of her BM's was her sister, who was in Germany at the time.  I know that she offered to help with the expenses of the bridal shower (which was offered and not expected) even though she could not be there until a few days before the wedding.  I personally was unemployed at the time but I managed to meet the expenses that I incurred and my portion of the shower.

catwine

I have a hard time giving up control so I prefer to plan our wedding with just me and my fiance.  I've taken my MOH/FSIL dress shopping with me, asked for her opinion on flowers and invites; tossed around decor ideas.  my other BMs live OOT so I can't delegate them any task anyway.  Personally, I think its weird to give BMs jobs for the wedding.

As for your OOT girl:  ask and see what she says.  She may decline for whatever reason.  If she says yes, thats great.  I'd say not to give her a task unless she asks.