BM Dress Question

kac52b

I am paying for all 4 of my BM dresses and they are paying for alterations. One of my BM is getting married and I am in her wedding this winter as a BM. She hasn't specified how she wants to take care of the payment portion yet. My FI thinks that since I paid for all of her dress, she should do the same for me. What's the protocol on this?

MyNameIsNot

It's great that you are paying for their dresses, but that isn't the norm.  Typically, the BMs pay for dresses and alterations, and the couple is responsible for any required accessories and beauty treatments.  

The fact that you paid for her dress doesn't change this.  Unless or until she says something, you should assume that you are paying for the BM dress in her wedding.

SarahPLiz

Usually, BMs pay for their own dresses. Its a great thing that you paid for your BMs dresses, but do not expect the same from your friend. Weddings are not reciprocal at all.

Feel free, however, to tell her what your budget is before she starts looking at dresses. If she is paying, she will tell you at that time.

mm45737

usually when you are a BM in a wedding it's expected for you to pay for your own dress. it was very nice and thoughtful of you to pay for yours, but you can't expect her to do the same. hopefully she will ask you what amount you are comfortable paying before choosing a dress........

bablingbrooke

This isn't tit-for-tat.  It was really nice to pay for hers but it's not fair to expect her to pay for yours.  She may not be in the same financial position to do so.  Or she just may not want to--it's not commonly done.

kac52b

She is having 8 BM's so my guess is she isn't paying for any of it. I was ok with paying for my own (up to a certain extent) until I found out last night after my OP that she has already picked out 2 dresses for us to choose from and they are both well and above what I am able to afford at the moment.

This girl has a my way or the highway attitude on a normal day and I know how difficult it is to find dresses that everyone can handle (both looks wise and price wise) so I don't want to tick her off, but there's no way I can write a check for that.

I also find it slightly irritating that she STILL hasn't told any of us what her intentions are and she's having us all drive 2 hours to a dress shop to try these on Saturday.
Another question: I just called my bridal shop (hour and a half closer!) and they have the same 2 BM dresses for about $40 to $75 less. Obviously this shop has my measurements already so I wouldn't have to drive. Once she makes up her mind on the dress, would it be wrong to not get it at the shop she wants us to go to (IF I'm paying 100% of it)?
The bride is not a fan of this shop (loooong story)...Again, not sure on the protocol. I guess the way I look at it, if I'm paying for it and its the exact same dress, why not?

bablingbrooke

I think you're well within your rights to tell her that the dress is out of your price range.  Then it's up to her to either pay the difference or pick a new dress.  

If you found it cheaper elsewhere tell her that you'll order it from the other place.  It should be of no matter to her where you get it so long as you get it.  

If she gets upset about either of these things, you'll see what kind of friend she really is.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-dress-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c04d7c47-7a8b-4b4f-8af7-3d5782fb53c8Post:1eef5276-169d-49fa-a9f4-6331332efdfd">Re: BM Dress Question</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you're well within your rights to tell her that the dress is out of your price range.  Then it's up to her to either pay the difference or pick a new dress.   If you found it cheaper elsewhere tell her that you'll order it from the other place.  It should be of no matter to her where you get it so long as you get it.   If she gets upset about either of these things, you'll see what kind of friend she really is.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

This.

prttypancake

you can DEFINITELY order it from the closer shop. dont let her push you into it when you you go to her shop

banana468

If she hasn't told you about the cost of the dresses, why not say, "Hey, I'm not sure how things are going to work but I just wanted to let you know what my budget is."

And if you can find that dress in a shop that is in your budget, just be honest. 

This is also one of those times that if she's not working WITH you, it's a great out - because the lack of working with you could be a sign of other things bridezilla.