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Bachelorette Party...VENT

Deleted by accident..Here is the story in a nutshell

I have 7 bridesmaids and they are all wanting to go to Vegas.  My MOH is planning the bachelorette party and gave everyone a price on how much it would cost.  I am now paying for myself and cutting some of the activities out so that everyone can afford it because at first the price was too much.

I have 1 girl who is mad because she wont be able to afford the cost.  At this point, the other girls are already booking their flights.  I do not want to leave her out and I dont know what to do because I am not suppose to be part of the planning.  It is hard to stay out because my friends go to me and not my MOH. 

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Re: Bachelorette Party...VENT

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    edited January 2010
    They all agreed on the price now, and they are the ones who are pushing even more for the trip.  I do not one to be left out either thats why I dont know what to do.   

    I am just going to drop out of the planning but I dont know how well thats going to wrk figuring hat the girls dont say anything when the subject is brought up, only when they leave and I am afraid my sister is going to get the bad end of the stick.
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    I agree with the idea that you should remove yourself from the planning.  Let your sis do the legwork...one less thing for you to worry about, right?  

    You keep repeating that "you're not the one who is mad, they are mad at me"...look, if you have to tell yourself that, than you are obviously mad.  It sounds like you are excited about this elaborate party that people have now lost interest in, and that is what you are upset about.  

    Take a deep breath and tell your sister that you would rather do something locally, even if you don't want to.  Everyone will be thankful, including you.  Trust me.
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    I think you need to detach as well.  Just say, "It looks like this is what they're planning."


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    Let your sister (MOH) handle the logistics of it and communicate with the BMs. You shouldn't be in the middle of the party planning for your own bachelorette - as much as I understand that these are your friends...
    I do think it's especially important to be sensitive to the 1 girls' situation - even if you say she lives rent free and just dropped $300 on a purse, it doesn't mean it's okay to make judgments on her financial situation and how she chooses to spend her $$ is up to her. Yes, it can be hurtful if you are looking at that and thinking, "Um..part of that $300 could have gone towards Vegas" it's not really okay to say anything about it b/c it doesn't come out making you look good. :-(

    If MOH wants to ensure that this girl can come, she might consider paying for her trip or asking the other girls to vote on whether they'd each be willing to put up the extra cash to cover her trip so she can attend...but that's up to her as MOH and coordinator of the trip.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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    If it's important to you that all your friends go to the bach party, I would talk to the girl in charge and ask her to please plan something local that everyone can afford. People who want to go to Vegas can go another time, without it being a wedding-related event.

    If you don't care and would rather go to Vegas with all but one girl for your bach party, then you don't need to change anything. Just tell the one girl that, as etiquette dictates, you're not involved in the planning and are not the person to talk to about this.

    For the record, her living and shopping expenses are none of your business. She signed up to buy a dress and stand next to you at the wedding, that doesn't mean that you get first dibs on her money from now until your wedding. If she thinks $200 for a Vegas trip is too much, that's her call, it doesn't matter what she's spending on other things, people have different ways they choose to spend their money.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bachelorette-partyvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c087e14d-76a7-424d-b4d6-d91c9dd7c398Post:6b79d448-ce47-433c-b633-e35776f9ab7a">Re: Bachelorette Party...VENT</a>:
    [QUOTE] But she is living rent free and just dropped $300 on a purse.
    Posted by tiffanycarapinha[/QUOTE]

    This particular piece of the puzzle is none of your damn business.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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    I know she is a big girl and can decide how to spend her money.  However, the other girls are booking their flight and I dont want to pressure her to come up with the money.  I am already paying for myself to go to help out the cost for the other girls so I dont think they would chip in for her.  It's really hard getting 7 girls to agree.

    I'll be stepping out of this one because I dont want to be the one stuck in the middle. Thanks for the advice.

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bachelorette-partyvent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c087e14d-76a7-424d-b4d6-d91c9dd7c398Post:4a60af36-2a11-413f-b873-5a2682287845">Re: Bachelorette Party...VENT</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party...VENT : This particular piece of the puzzle is none of your damn business.
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

    Ya, shouldnt have said that.  Please ignore my ignorance on that one.
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    My FI was a groomsman in a wedding and for the bachelor party they also planned a trip to Vegas.  When doing the planning they realized that a lot of guys would not be able to go due to the fact that is was a pretty big expense for a lot of the guys, so they also planned a night out at a local pub so people who were unable to vegas could attend. This way everyone had the opporuntiy to participate in the event. Now that we are getting marreid they have planned a weekend golf trip and my FI's groomsman are doing the same, with having a pub night at home so everyone can attend.

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    Maybe just have everyone get together for lunch and talk about it then.  This way you aren't the go between. Just tell your friend that you weren't part of the planning and have your MOH handle the details at the lunch.  If your friend doesn't want to go just tell her that you will be disappointed that she won't be there but that you understand.  Have a girl's night, just the two of you, when you come back from Vegas to help make up for her staying home.

    Anniversary
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    maybe plan a vegas night.  get a bunch of cards, poker chips, dice, and oter games.  There are a lot of different decorations and decor that you can get to decorate a room and make it into your own casino.  Also get a bunch of "spa" items like mani/pedi kit, face masks, aroma therapy candles and make a weekend out of it.  maybe even get a hotel suite and bring everything with you and enjoy a weekend with the girls.
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    We are going to Vegas for my Bachelorette party/Birthday and most of my BM and a few other friends can make it. They all know that there is no pressure and that I do not expect them to make the trip if they cannot... Since some people will not be able to we are going to have a mini party later - just drinks and dancing at home... Would that work?
    image
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    As the bride, you should stay out of the planning. However, if one of your BM's is mad, then you should simply suggest to your MOH something a little more affordable for everyone. I was a MOH for my sister's wedding a couple of years ago and I had the whole bachelorette party planned out and it was budgeted and everything was taken care of, but then another BM started throwing out ideas and my sister told me that this other BM wanted to be involved and plan the whole bachelorette party. So I was like "That's fine, no problem" I canceled all my plans for it and shared some of my ideas with her. She ended up not using any of them and decided to do a whole limo road trip thing. I didn't even go to my sister's bachelorette party as the MOH because I couldn't afford it. It sucked!!! What I'm saying is, I know how your BM feels and it SUCKS. She really should be included. I think your MOH and other bridesmaids should be respectful of her smaller budget. I hope it gets worked out. Good luck! Also, just throwing this out there, she might be over-reacting a little by getting pissed at you for the whole thing...
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    I think you might want to step up.  Since your BMs are such Vegas fans they've gone twice in the past year just for fun, why not tell them you'll be happy to join them on their next trip. but that trip will NOT be your bachelorette party and will not be referred to as such.  Then have them plan something more local and affordable as the Official Bachelorette Party.  Clearly they don't need the excuse to go to Vegas, so those who want to can still have their trip to Vegas, just without leaving on of the BMs out in the cold from a wedding event.
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    I think notaprincessbride has a great solution.
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    Thank you!
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