Family etiquette question

stina93446

So my sister is totally unreliable. Last year for Xmas, she was supposed to come to Mexico to be with the family. She lost her passport 3 weeks before the trip and promised my parents she would get a replacement from the consulate.

Last I checked she still didn't have one. She even promised my mom she would come down this year. She still hasn't bought her ticket though.

DH and me always talk about whether or not she's coming. We made a bet ($5 is she's coming or not) and I am not sure if we should tell her after xmas if we did, or we should just keep it a secret. Don't know why I would tell her unless people thought it was funny. But I think if it were me, it night hurt my feelings that people were saying these things.....

What would YOU do....obviously, I want my sis to be there so I am the $5 that she's going to be there.

psichick

maybe if it's mentioned to her that it's a running joke about how unreliable she is showing up to events it would wake her up to her own behavior. she might not realize that it's even an issue if no one says anything to her.

banana468

I honestly wouldn't tell her about the bet as a joke.

However if you're close to her, you might say, "Sis, I just want to let you know that we'll really miss you if you're not there but some of us are wondering if you're going to live up to your promises after last year."


Is she unreliable and flaky and lovable or is she unreliable and possible mixed up in something that's not so good?

blackfire5th

I think it is unnecessary.  Even if it is a running joke, it would probably still hurt her feelings.  My bet is that she does what to spend Christmas with your family, she just has a hard time getting her ducks in a row.  Telling her this would probably just be like rubbing salt in a wound.

stina93446

Well, I WOULD think that except for the fact that EVERYONE in our family is always asking her, "you're coming right? It's not going to be like last time, right?"

I know my sis pretty well and don't think she'd be pissed, and I think she'd appreciate that I was the one who was optomistic about her showing up.

stina93446

[QUOTE]I think it is unnecessary.  Even if it is a running joke, it would probably still hurt her feelings.  My bet is that she does what to spend Christmas with your family, she just has a hard time getting her ducks in a row.  Telling her this would probably just be like rubbing salt in a wound.
Posted by blackfire5th[/QUOTE]
Exactly. I just feel weird that we have this joke about her and I usually tell her everything. She's not in trouble or INTO trouble, banana. She's recently been a person who "does her own thing."

MyNameIsNot

I would tell my sister.  Except I would forget about it, and then I would tell her at a family gathering somewhere in the middle of the 3rd bottle of wine.  And then she'd snap at me and my mom would cry and then we'd all cry and eat cake.  It would not be pretty.  

I'm thinking that she might get a kick out of it, or she might like to know that you were the one on her side, but the potential for it to be taken wrong is there, and probably outweighs the potential good.  You could just tell her that you were so sure she was coming, you bought her this X.  But you know here better than us.

lyndausvi

 I would tell her if there is a good opportunity.

jenn.daniel

My family and future in-laws joke around a lot, so telling her seems normal to me.  If I tease you to your face, it means I like you.

rainedrop6

I wouldn't tell her about the bet. But I would talk to her about why she hasn't followed through with her promises.
 
Is it possible that she just has different interests and doesn't actually intend to come so she's using the passport as an excuse because it's so much easier than telling the family she wants to be somewhere else? 

If it's something like that, you can help her talk to your family so everyone understands her and in the future, she won't have to lie about visiting.

Also since she wouldn't be using the passport as an excuse anymore, she could really get a new one in case she ever needed to get to your parents in an emergency.

megk8oz

I'm a bad person to ask at the moment. I'm still mad at my sisters, so I'm thinking "Oh, I'd tell them, and I wouldn't be joking", lol.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_family-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c156d31b-677b-4860-ba30-57675b4ad1edPost:82566428-de2c-4032-9f6c-b99452459d8b">Re: Family etiquette question</a>:
[QUOTE]I know my sis pretty well and don't think she'd be pissed, and I think she'd appreciate that I was the one who was optomistic about her showing up.
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]

There's your answer. If you guys joke about it, and you don't think she'd be hurt, then go ahead and say "hey, I was on your side telling everyone you'd make it - I even had $5 on it!" I agree with PPs that it could really offend her if it's something she's sensitive about , but you know the situation better than any of us.