All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!

marichella21

At the time I got engaged, I started with 7 bridesmaids. I have a feeling i'm just going to end up with 3 if that. All because none of them have gotten the dress. I did everything I could to find a nice yet affordable one. I looked up the stores and prices of where they are in each city they live in. I called the stores in their cities to see which had the dresses I selected. Why is it none of them have bought the dress? The wedding is in 4 months. I told all of them if it's a matter of not having any money then it's 100% ok for them to decline being in the wedding party but none of them will step down. It's just really stressing me out because I don't even know how many will get their dresses in time. I wish someone had told me I didn't have to have any BM because it would have saved me a lot of stress and money too, on their bouquets. No one told me how costly it could be for their bouquets lol. I'm just wondering if I should let it go and check in a month before to see who has purchased it or if I should keep nagging them. We're all in our late 20s, I shouldn'y have to nag grown women on the one thing they have to do to be a part of this. Soooo frustrating!!

GoodLuckBear14

Did you ask them what their budgets were?  What you consider afforable may be expensive for them right now.

mbcdefg

First off, the wedding is still four months away. That is a LOT of time to order a dress. Call the salon and get their drop-dead order date.

If FOUR of your seven closest friends (I assume they're your close friends, anyway - if they're not then that's your problem right there for not selecting people who you are close to) aren't cooperating, then something is seriously wrong here. It's certainly not the four of them getting together and deciding to screw you over by not buying a dress. Do some soul-searching here and ask yourself if you honestly gave them some input or if you just told them what they'd be wearing.

How much input did they get in the dress? Did they get to try anything on, give an opinion on styles, vote on the color, tell you what they are willing to spend? Or did you just e-mail them a link and say, "Here's what you're wearing, and I'm sure you can all easily afford it"?

All the friends I've talked to, even those who have tons of spending money, say that they'd be *incredibly* pissed if someone just TOLD them what they'd be spending on a dress. Even if it was $25 or $50. The point is, it is absolutely not your right to decide what is and isn't "affordable" for someone other than yourself. Your job was to ask each of them, individually and privately, what they wanted to spend BEFORE you settled on a dress price. And although you certainly have the final say in what dress is chosen, you owed it to them to let them try it on and take a vote on it. If you didn't do any of this then you've failed them as a friend. If you DID honestly do this ... well, they could just be lazy, but it's also possible that their financial situations have changed since then and times are now tighter than they once were. Or they might just think that they have more time ... ordering a bridesmaid dress isn't the same as ordering something from the Macy's website that'll be delivered in a couple weeks. 

 

Rather than saying, "If you can't afford to spend $xyz then feel free to drop out of my wedding," how about approaching them as a FRIEND first? "Is everything OK? Can I do something to help?" I'm not saying that you absolutely have to foot the bill for their dresses, but it would be considerate to help out a bit, or choose another dress, or let them wear something they already own. Not, "I don't want you in my wedding if you aren't in a specific outfit/if you can't spend a certain amount of money." Because that's what "You can drop out if you can't afford it" sounds like to them. I'd be REALLY hurt if a friend said this to me. If you talk calmly with them and offer to help out a bit, they might open up to you about the real reason why they're not ordering.

As far as the bouquet costs ... you DO know that your hands aren't tied on that, right? You don't just have to walk into a florist and pay whatever they tell you to pay. You are completely capable of walking into a florist and saying, "I can only spend $XXX total and I need bouquets for 7 bridesmaids plus myself. What can you offer me in that price range?" Yeah, you might have to sacrifice some of your "vision" if you have champagne tastes on a beer budget, but a good florist will be able to come up with a plan for you. If the florist tells you that they absolutely will not work with your budget, walk out and go to someone else. If you're truly on too tight of a budget, then visit a supermarket florist for a quote, or buy wholesale flowers and arrange them yourself ... there are plenty of Internet tutorials that can guide you.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:0fb8beb5-818f-419f-91f3-a670c2e50e78">All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]At the time I got engaged, I started with 7 bridesmaids. I have a feeling i'm just going to end up with 3 if that. All because none of them have gotten the dress. I did everything I could to find a nice yet affordable one. I looked up the stores and prices of where they are in each city they live in. I called the stores in their cities to see which had the dresses I selected. Why is it none of them have bought the dress? The wedding is in 4 months. I told all of them if it's a matter of not having any money then it's 100% ok for them to decline being in the wedding party but none of them will step down. It's just really stressing me out because I don't even know how many will get their dresses in time. I wish someone had told me I didn't have to have any BM because it would have saved me a lot of stress and money too, on their bouquets. No one told me how costly it could be for their bouquets lol. I'm just wondering if I should let it go and check in a month before to see who has purchased it or if I should keep nagging them. We're all in our late 20s, I shouldn'y have to nag grown women on the one thing they have to do to be a part of this. Soooo frustrating!!
Posted by marichella21[/QUOTE]

Did you ask them their budgets beforehand?  Affordable is a relative term, and it's kind of cold to just say they should step down if they can't afford it, especially if they were just told what to spend without being consulted. We chipped in for a few of our attendants to help cover their costs because we wanted them there.

But yes, stop nagging them.  They'll do it or they won't, but there's nothing you can do about it.  The more you nag them, the less inclined they'll be to do it.

[Deleted User]

My MOH's dress took 3 months to come in, like others said you need to ask the store what their final order date is and hope alterations don't need to be done. I think you've got a serious communication problem with your girls, I'd talk to each seperately, if money is the issue and you really want them in the wedding or need them for equal sides, pay for it for them and then you won't have to stress anymore!  The BMs should have known buying a dress was a requirement of being in the wedding so I'm not sure what the problem is but you need to get to work on figuring it out.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:bcc8abe1-bdae-44ec-958a-18c5a98f570e">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH's dress took 3 months to come in, like others said you need to ask the store what their final order date is and hope alterations don't need to be done. I think you've got a serious communication problem with your girls, I'd talk to each seperately, if money is the issue and you really want them in the wedding or <strong>need them for equal sides</strong>, pay for it for them and then you won't have to stress anymore!  The BMs should have known buying a dress was a requirement of being in the wedding so I'm not sure what the problem is but you need to get to work on figuring it out.
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

Sides don't have to be even, so that would be kind of a terrible reason to do that.

mbcdefg

The BMs should have known buying a dress was a requirement of being in the wedding so I'm not sure what the problem is but you need to get to work on figuring it out.

Good point. That might be the problem in itself - the girls may be thinking that the bride will be footing the bill, since this is done in some countries/social circles/families. Or they might just have never been in a wedding before and don't know that it's commonplace in the USA for the bridal party to pay for their dresses.

OP, did you ever have a discussion with them in the beginning about them paying for their dresses, and about how much they felt was fair to spend? Or did you just tell them what dress to get and that was the end of all discussion? If there was no discussion about prices and the dress itself, then it's absolutely not fair to pin all the blame on the bridesmaids by saying they "should have known better" ... the fault lies with you as well.

Or, if these girls have ALWAYS been flakes, then it wasn't fair of you to expect them to suddenly change their ways and become reliable people. People won't change their ways just because you are getting married.

Whatever specifically happened, it sounds like a HUGE lack of communication occurred here. Jinxed is right (except for the "needing equal sides" thing) that you need to get to work and figure out what happened ... the solution here is to TALK to these girls, your FRIENDS, instead of just essentially saying, "Pony up or get out." That's not what friendship (and a bridal party, and a wedding itself) is all about.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:7678236b-a6ff-42e7-aa9e-9421ac38b859">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : Sides don't have to be even, so that would be kind of a terrible reason to do that.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

OK, calm down, let me rephrase OP, if you "want" them for even sides.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:17b619e6-fcd9-4ed7-9bb5-a77c0029993b">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : OK, calm down, let me rephrase OP, if you "want" them for even sides.
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

"Wanting" even sides is shallow and degrading to people who are being left out or used as slot fillers to meet quota.  It's still not a valid reason.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:ac5e621e-340d-4300-933c-fe3b50e6c633">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : "Wanting" even sides is shallow and degrading to people who are being left out or used as slot fillers to meet quota.  It's still not a valid reason.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

OMG! You win, aerinpegadrak!!!  I guess I'll bow out of this conversation and the rest of the forums as you clearly know everything and can offer all perfect advice!

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:b072c7bb-677d-48ff-b762-debe255bdcd3">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : OMG! You win, aerinpegadrak!!!  I guess I'll bow out of this conversation and the rest of the forums as you clearly know everything and can offer all perfect advice!
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

Don't get your knickers in a knot.  Aerin is trying to get you to see that putting someone in a WP just so your sides are even is incredibly shallow.  If even sides are more important than the people in your wedding, then rent some mannequins.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:62f7584b-1bd7-42a6-acf2-efae2f5a1156">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : Don't get your knickers in a knot.  Aerin is trying to get you to see that putting someone in a WP just so your sides are even is incredibly shallow.  If even sides are more important than the people in your wedding, then rent some mannequins.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

...And when did I say that you should put people you don't care about in your wedding?  OP has already invited all of these people to be in her wedding so I *assume* they're important people, that's a totally different discussion that I'm getting attacked for.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:181f9e73-7e0e-4d91-b9eb-e9a8991fe82b">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : ...And when did I say that you should put people you don't care about in your wedding?  OP has already invited all of these people to be in her wedding so I *assume* they're important people, that's a totally different discussion that I'm getting attacked for.
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

No, you're just saying that she should try to make sure they stay in the wedding if she really wants them there, OR if she wants her sides to stay even.  So even if she doesn't particularly want them, she should keep her sides even.  Reread what you wrote.

And really, if you think someone disagreeing with you is attacking you, you should really take care talking to anyone in the outside world, because you probably can't handle it.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:181f9e73-7e0e-4d91-b9eb-e9a8991fe82b">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : ...And when did I say that you should put people you don't care about in your wedding?  OP has already invited all of these people to be in her wedding so I *assume* they're important people, that's a totally different discussion that I'm getting attacked for.
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

<em>My MOH's dress took 3 months to come in, like others said you need to ask the store what their final order date is and hope alterations don't need to be done. I think you've got a serious communication problem with your girls, I'd talk to each seperately, if money is the issue and <strong>you really want them in the wedding or need them for equal sides</strong>, pay for it for them and then you won't have to stress anymore!  The BMs should have known buying a dress was a requirement of being in the wedding so I'm not sure what the problem is but you need to get to work on figuring it out.

</em>Option 1:  You really want them in the wedding
Option 2:  You need them for equal sides

Option 2 should not even come into play.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:8fe6884d-405a-4986-88eb-cf396aabc453">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : No, you're just saying that she should try to make sure they stay in the wedding if she really wants them there, OR if she wants her sides to stay even.  So even if she doesn't particularly want them, she should keep her sides even.  Reread what you wrote. And really, if you think someone disagreeing with you is attacking you, you should really take care talking to anyone in the outside world, because you probably can't handle it.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Or am I simply trying to tell her how to stop stressing about the situation?

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:07cf4bac-e67e-4a75-af3a-e03dd7bd7907">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : Or am I simply trying to tell her how to stop stressing about the situation?
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

Something tells me that measured responses to trivial issues are not your strong suit.  Just a guess.

marichella21

Wow....definitely didn't expect this to turn into a battle similar to the girls that post something about having a cash bar or having a honeymoon registry. Yes 4 months sounds like tons of time to me until the salons said we're cutting it close and they gave me a deadline that has passed. I went shopping with all of them and i picked the brand, length, and color which they all loved, or at least that's what they said to my face. The style is completely up to them because I want them to be comfortable. They were aware of the price long ago and no one said it was too much for them. I'm all about saving but I wasn't going to just pick a potato sack because it's a great low price. I understand that things come up unexpectedly that may put them in a situation where they may not afford it but am I supposed to pay for it? I'm not going to kick them out because of it so the alternative would be for them to not buy the dress. My sides don't have to be even at all, if I end up with one bridesmaid and 7 groomsmen that's it but I want them to be in it because we are close and they're not telling me they can't afford it. They just keep saying relax we still have time because when i bought this dress for that wedding i was in it came in 4 weeks. Even though it's not the same brand. I am going to let it go though. I won't bring it up unless they do.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:84042b93-f394-493d-9cfe-41d23adbfc56">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : Well, if you didn't ask their budgets privately beforehand, it's quite possible that these dresses AREN'T as reasonable for your girls as you thought.  There's a huge difference between a potato sack and picking out how much money other people are going to spend without consulting them.  Did you give them the dress order deadline?  How did they respond when you mentioned it?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Also, was the budget conversation in private, or as a group?  If it was in a group, they might have felt pressured to agree to something that was higher than they could afford, which, as you can see, doesn't do you any good now.  And there's a world of difference between "What can you afford?" and "This is the price, that cool?"; the latter also creates that pressure to just agree instead of being honest, but that won't make the money appear.

I would check with the shop again and find out what the absolute latest, drop-dead deadline would be.  Maybe verify that number with a different shop.  A lot of times, shops need certain numbers by certain times to get their commissions, so they'll tell you that you have much, much less time than you actually do. If you do get a revised date, pass that along to them, maybe with a message to let you know if they need help paying for it, and leave it at that. From there, it's up to them.

marichella21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:84042b93-f394-493d-9cfe-41d23adbfc56">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : Well, if you didn't ask their budgets privately beforehand, it's quite possible that these dresses AREN'T as reasonable for your girls as you thought.  There's a huge difference between a potato sack and picking out how much money other people are going to spend without consulting them.  Did you give them the dress order deadline?  How did they respond when you mentioned it?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I did speak with them about the budget. I didn't just pick a price and say hey this should be cheap enough for you guys so this is the dress. I knew that they had to buy a dress they may never wear again so I needed it to be as low as possible. I thought I did everything I could apart from involving them in the search but I guess I should have just googled free bridesmaid dresses. I understand my reasonable may be different to any other individual but we spoke about it, and the prices are different depending on what style they pick, and they said ok great. Should I have kept looking for something cheaper even after they all said ok to the price? If any of them had said it's too much I would have continued looking. I even asked for suggestions. I did give them the deadline and they said ok we'll get it, some of them have told me they needed to wait until such and such date and I said fine. I even offered to just buy it for them if they wanted to and give me the money after but no one took the offer. I don't know what more I can do. I'm just afraid they think they have a lot of time and will wait until the absolute last minute and it actually might be too late.

marichella21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:a8bf9981-bdcd-4e9b-b16a-e762c95f25d9">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : Look, there's no reason to get snotty, we're trying to HELP for Christ's sake.  You either sat each girl down individually and said "how much can you comfortably spend on BM attire?" then used that number as your budget or you didn't.  The answer makes a big difference in how we're likely to recommend handling the situation.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I asked what their range was, they said less than $150, i was able to find something below that. I did not mean to sound snotty. I do appreciate the advice I've gotten. Thank you everyone for your responses, I will take it all under consideration and mainly just try not to stress about it. Even though it's really hard because I just want it all to work out so that my closest friends are able to stand by my side. I just need to win the lotto like really soon lol.

mbcdefg

I agree with the poster who suggested calling a different shop for their deadline. Or contact a wholesaler like netbride.com, rkbridal.com, or pearlsplace.com. They might have it for a lower price and might have a faster delivery date.

HessieJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:0fb8beb5-818f-419f-91f3-a670c2e50e78">All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]At the time I got engaged, I started with 7 bridesmaids. I have a feeling i'm just going to end up with 3 if that. All because none of them have gotten the dress. I did everything I could to find a nice yet affordable one. I looked up the stores and prices of where they are in each city they live in. I called the stores in their cities to see which had the dresses I selected. Why is it none of them have bought the dress? The wedding is in 4 months. I told all of them if it's a matter of not having any money then it's 100% ok for them to decline being in the wedding party but none of them will step down. It's just really stressing me out because I don't even know how many will get their dresses in time. I wish someone had told me I didn't have to have any BM because it would have saved me a lot of stress and money too, on their bouquets. No one told me how costly it could be for their bouquets lol. I'm just wondering if I should let it go and check in a month before to see who has purchased it or if I should keep nagging them. We're all in our late 20s, I shouldn'y have to nag grown women on the one thing they have to do to be a part of this. Soooo frustrating!!
Posted by marichella21[/QUOTE]<div>Personally, I wouldn't nag them about it. Although I do understand the stress, especially when they aren't communicating with you. This is something I have been wondering about as well. I don't have a set number of BM yet, because I don't know if my fiance's sister will agree to step into that role yet. In the beginning I thought I could just pay for all of their dresses, but the more I read the more I understand that it is an understanding that they are responsible for that. My one and only experience in a wedding party was when I was a BM for my friend's wedding many years ago. She showed up at my place one evening and asked me to try on the dress. She never asked me to pay her anything for it, never asked me to go to fittings or anything like that. So that experience has left me wondering if I should cover the dress expenses as well. 

</div>

Cryssteen

Wow.  First, to the OP - I don't think you're overreacting.  I've been a bridesmaid six times... It's common knowledge that you pay for the dress (in most cultures, circumstances) as a part of the wedding party.  The dress is usually going to be more than what a BM wants to pay, and it's probably not going to be a style/color/fabric they like.  But, you know what?  As a BM, you buy the dang dress, and you wear it with a smile.   Now, even stores like David's bridal can take 8 weeks for a dress to come in.   If you're ordering them at a bridal shop, it can take longer.  For my brother's wedding (9/15), I ordered the dress in March, it was delivered in June, and has been take up and in and blah blah blah for the last month and a half.  It won't be ready until 8/23.   Mind you, I told the shop that the wedding was 8/25... so, I'd say, yes, you might have some reason to be mad/anxious.  I don't really know how to handle it, but you could call each one of them individually and ask them what's up... if they're short on cash, maybe offer to spot them for the dress to be paid back at the bach party or something?   Or, scrap the whole idea and by something off the rack from a department store - something I'm considering anyway.  Good luck, girl.

#2 - I'm going to jump in an defend the minority here.  I personally think people have TONS of reasons for selecting certain people, and certain numbers for their BMs.   Reasons such as friendships, family ties, FI's family members, etc.  And another reason is ABSOLUTELY to haev a balanced bridal party.   I have 7 very close friends for the last 20+ years.  I have a couple of very close friends from college, who's weddings I was in.  I also have a large family and my FI has a sister.  My sister is my MOH, but after that, I have an A, B, and C list of possible BMs.  My FI does as well.   He has at least 4 friends from 30 years ago, his own brother, a BIL, a close cousin and two FBILs. We can have anywhere from 4-9 people on each side of the party.  I'd be happy leaving it at just family, but at the same time I'd love for my friends to be included.  It's a tough spot.   And you know what my final determination will be?  EVEN NUMBERS (gasp).   It's not required to have even numbers, but it's what I want.  I also don't necessarily want a large bridal party, but because of all of the reasons above, it might happen.   I want my fiance to be happy too.  And if happiness for him is including his close friends, then i will.  If it's not including them, then I won't.   And every single one of them will understand.   Because they're our friends.  I see nothing at all wrong with wanting balanced sides.  

mbcdefg

  It's not required to have even numbers, but it's what I want.

Why? I'm not even asking in a snotty way, I just honestly don't understand why so many people want even sides so badly.

aerinpegadrak

It's fine to want even sides if that's how it works out, but it's not something to fight to retain if it starts causing problems.  It's such an utterly insignificant detail that it isn't remotely worth possibly hurting people or treating them like props to achieve.  Just dealing with uneven numbers is usually by far the simplest solution to a lot of the problems people seem to have with their WPs.

Cryssteen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:59888172-a481-408f-a60b-575a7105d84b">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]  It's not required to have even numbers, but it's what I want. Why? I'm not even asking in a snotty way, I just honestly don't understand why so many people want even sides so badly.
Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Just a preference for physical symmetry.  Like how I want everyone's dress to be the same length, or a balanced number of tables on each side of the room.  People want silly things for their weddings all the time.  Me, I want things even on both sides.  If someone drops out, or whatever, I'll survive... but it's where I'm starting.  If it was practicle, I'd want to include about 15 people.  But in what I invision for my wedding, that seems nutters.</div>

Cryssteen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:305af3d0-df38-4702-9866-0d6ae4be6068">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]EVEN NUMBERS (gasp).   It's not required to have even numbers, but it's what I want.  I also don't necessarily want a large bridal party, but because of all of the reasons above, it might happen.   I want my fiance to be happy too.  And if happiness for him is including his close friends, then i will.  If it's not including them, then I won't.   And every single one of them will understand.   Because they're our friends.  I see nothing at all wrong with wanting balanced sides.  Ask youself one question:  when I look at my wedding album in twenty years, will I look into each party member's face, and remember how special it was to have them beside me that day? Or will I count heads to see how many folks are in the photo, and calculate bride vs groom ratios? Will you be disappointed that your friend Jill, who let you cry on her shoulder after you lost your job, isn't there because you cut her because she was the "odd" one? WHERE??? do you girls even GET this idea about even sides?? I'm forty-eight years old, and I never knew some people even thought about this for their weddings.  Great balls of fire. The only people who are at the wedding to be paired up are the bride and groom! It's terrible to cut a dear friend because of numbers. You think an even number is more important than all the years you've been friends????  You don't think that would hurt their feelings? Or make you look incredibly shallow? The guests don't count the numbers of maids vs groomsmen, elbow each other, and whisper, "Hey, do you see that? Jane has five women. Bert has eight men!" " Neither should the couple.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I competely get what you're saying... but the problem here is that I have many close friends.  Somehow, 12 years after graduating high school, all going our separate ways, and many of us starting our own families, we've all remained very close.  I've been lucky to find lifelong friends... some from college as well.  I also have a large family  While my friends are my "sisters" in a sense, blood is blood.  In all honestly, for me, simply having my sister as my MOH and no other BMs would be fine.   But, if my FI wants to have a full WP, I'm cool with that too.  I basically have to look for a place to draw the line... If I include everyone, we're looking at ~15 people.  That just seems insane to me (logistically, budget-wise, etc). So... in a way, balancing the sides is a meansfor me to pull back the reigns.  It might sound dumb.  But it is what it is.  Sharing in my wedding, to me, does not mean putting on a dress of my choosing and standing at the alter.  It's alot of work to be a bridesmaid, espeically for people traveling from out of town.  I love these girls.  I'm thrilled to just have them there on my day.  

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aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_all-you-have-to-do-is-get-the-dress-why-is-it-so-hard?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c15d58db-d523-4b4d-8dc1-10f838e31cbePost:5b5e8e55-3015-4a17-8ba3-d06ce070da15">Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: All you have to do is get the dress!! Why is it so hard?!?! : I competely get what you're saying... but the problem here is that I have many close friends.  Somehow, 12 years after graduating high school, all going our separate ways, and many of us starting our own families, we've all remained very close.  I've been lucky to find lifelong friends... some from college as well.  I also have a large family  While my friends are my "sisters" in a sense, blood is blood.  In all honestly, for me, simply having my sister as my MOH and no other BMs would be fine.   But, if my FI wants to have a full WP, I'm cool with that too.  I basically have to look for a place to draw the line... If I include everyone, we're looking at ~15 people.  That just seems insane to me (logistically, budget-wise, etc). So... in a way, balancing the sides is a meansfor me to pull back the reigns.  It might sound dumb.  But it is what it is. <strong> Sharing in my wedding, to me, does not mean putting on a dress of my choosing and standing at the alter.  It's alot of work to be a bridesmaid, espeically for people traveling from out of town.  </strong>I love these girls.  I'm thrilled to just have them there on my day.  
Posted by Cryssteen[/QUOTE]
All of my bridesmaids had to travel to the wedding, and most of them did no more than put on the dress (of their choosing) and stand at the front.  So I guess that means that I don't love my friends as much as you love your oh so many, because I didn't feel like putting them to work?

Carson386

I asked my girls what their budgets were, I wanted to make sure I could find something for all of them. I am getting married in May, and we are ordering dresses soon! Mainly because the dresses take 5 months to come in, plus all but 1 of my girls are in school (college). They do not go to school around here and won't be home until March.
Find out when the dresses need to be ordered by and tell everyone it needs to be done by then or else they won't be in in time for the wedding. Good Luck!!

JellyBean2014

This is coming from a bridesmaid's point of view.  I feel like you have completely lost your perspective on your bridal party.  Yes, they have agreed to be in your wedding, and with that comes responsibility.  Telling them that they must by the dress or forgo being in your wedding, however, is a guranteed way to not only put a big strain on your wedding but also lose friendships.  You asked them to be your bridesmaids because you want the most important women in your life to be there with you on your big day, not because this is all about having them wear the "perfect" dress.  Right?  Everybody's definition of "affordable" is different and is often dependent on their financial situation at the time being.  I think there is a real possibility here that your bridesmaids haven't bit the bullet and bought the dress because they can't afford it, but are too afraid to tell you.  Do them a favor by approaching each individually and having a frank discussion about the cost of the dress.  Can they comfortably afford it?  If not, you should come up with an alternative dress that is affordable to everyone in your party.

I know of someone who lost all their friends after their wedding because she demanded that they each buy an expensive dress, shoes, makeup, hair,etc. that they could not really afford.  Do you want this to be you?  Is this worth losing life-long relationships over?