do i need to ask my future brother in law's girlfriend to be a bridesmaid?

arrabelle

they've been dating 6 months and he says he's proposing in 2 mos.  i wouldn't dream of asking her bc i don't know her well and it seems a bit forced to me (he doesn't know her well either IMO but that's another oprah!).

however, i was looking at my FSIL's wedding album yesterday, and one of her bridesmaids was his girlfriend at THAT time!  of course they had a nasty breakup and my FSIL now regrets seeing her in the WP pictures, but at the time he apparently wanted to marry THAT girlfriend, so my FSIL included her.  ay ay ay.

my gut feeling is this chick's expecting to be included and i certainly don't want any tension with a FSIL.  and it's not that i dislike her, i just don't KNOW her, so i really don't want to hurt her feelings.  our family's really close so EVERYONE else would be in the WP - my FBIL, FSIL and her husband/kids, and my brother.

our wedding's still a year away but we've been engaged 6 months already and i'm dying to ask my girlfriends to be bridesmaids!  what would you guys do?  can i just wait until later and ask her to be a reader or something?

hmm.

AdeleDazeem

No.

You ask who you want to ask.

sleblanc72

Absoultely not.  You ask who you want to.

iluvmy0341

I would definitely pick whoever you want, you don't want to be me:

 I unfortunately picked my sister (we have never gotten along), which I regret, but it was causing too much drama in my family when I left her out of it....but I'm sorry, I'm sick of sharing the spotlight with her all the freaking time. I'd like for once to have everyone looking at me and excited to hear about my life (FYI she's the one that got all the looks in our family---skinny, tall, blonde, big tits, and a super athlete with a full-ride to college....I'm none of that).

DM&dc

No Way! I really doubt that she'd be expecting to be a bridesmaid any way. You need to have those closest to you, those that you know you can be yourself around and that you know you can rely on. But, if you feel THAT badly about it, then ask her. Only you know how you'll feel after the wedding about choosing or not choosing her. I might not be the best person to give advice though. I didn't ask any of my sisters to be my bridesmaids since I'm not that close to them, and that shocked a few people on this board. GL D

MelissaAnne88

No way. Ask who you want or you will probably regret it.

arrabelle

"You ask people that you truly care about and that you want standing up for you.  I wouldn't ask anyone just b/c I thought they expected/wanted to be asked.  And, honestly, she probably really doesn't.  If someone asked me to stand up for them but I didn't know them all that well, I would decline and think it was weird and that they must not have any close friends of their own.  You still have plenty of time before you need to ask anyone IMO"

ha!  jcbsjr that's TOTALLY what i thought!  that's really funny.

speaking of timeline, when DO you ask people to be in your wp?  a year does seem like a long time but we've already been engaged 6 mos, and some of the girls are already talking about planning my shower, bachelorette, etc.  of COURSE those are the same girls i want to ask anyway, because they're my good friends!  

WWKD?  (what would knotties do?) 

ajroark

Ask who you want to ask! My FI's brother's girlfriend offered to host a shower for me and I felt guilted into asking her to be a BM, but I'm actually really glad I did since we're a lot closer now.

If you think you will regret it, don't do it.

Hellokatie0517

No, because somewhere I am in a framed picture standing in my ex-BFs sister's wedding party.  Probably with a sticker over my face.  Lol.

If you're not close with her, don't have her -- regardless of whether or not their getting engaged.  Wait until about 6 to 8 months before the wedding to ask your girls.  If you feel you have a bond with her then ask her. 

Becca Ryann

Bridesmaids are up to you. You don't have to ask family just because they MAY be future family, or just because they wanted to be in it. If i asked everyone in my family (i have 3 sisters, FH has 2 sisters and 1 sister in law) AND everyone who expected to be in it (2 favorite cousins, 3 best friends, 4 long time friends), I'd have wayyyy too many people. I chose my favorite sister, my best friends, and my FH's two sisters because I know they will always be there, when I look back at my wedding pictures. You don't know that a relative's gf will always be there.

AmandaGarret

absolutley not. I contemplated for a month if I was even going to ask my fiance's sister. His brother has a fiance and I'm not asking her. We don't even talk, aren't friends. No way. 

However, I am inviting her to my shower just to be nice. 

themrspena

You don't need to ask anyone you don't want to. My FI's best man's future wife (they are getting married 2 months before us) is not in my wedding party, and I'm not in hers. Totally fine because we've only hung out a handful of times. What I will NOT do is have a wedding party table because I would like the wedding party to be able to sit with their significant others.

mjc0301

Ugh it is so refreshing to hear this from someone else.I have not asked my FBIL's fiance to be a bridesmaid and I've gotten a little attitude from my FMIL about it. We are having a destination wedding and I recently found out his fiance (my future sister in law once they get married!) Is not attending because she was not asked to be a bridesmaid. Theyve been together for 6 years but her and I are not close at all. And since I've heard her reason for not going to the wedding I'm even more glad I didn't ask her to be apart of it.Obviously our day I not important to her.

KeptInStitches

@knotporscha, zombie thread. Can we work on getting these closed sooner?