Picking shoes for BMs

goardmf

Brides! Help! I am having trouble picking shoes for my wedding party. They are all wearing short, champagne chiffon dresses and we are getting married outside in July (HOT!). I read somewhere that if the maids are all wearing the same dress, it is a good idea for them all the wear the same shoe, too. One of my MOHs doesn't want to wear heels and one of my BMs is over 6 feet tall, so I am leaning more towards getting flat sandals. However, some girls want to wear heels and are really short. I am trying to come up with a compromise that everyone will like but I don't see how that will happen. My shoes are navy blue and I wouldn't mind if everyone wore the same shoes as me. I also found sandals that I like. I just really would love to know what you ladies think would look best! Should I just make a decision and not worry about those that might be uncomfortable? Should I tell everyone to pick their own blue shoes and run the risk of it looking weird with different height shoes? I'd love any input... Thank you! 

Dresses (in champagne):

My shoes:

Sandals I like for BM:

 

bridalmarch

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-shoes-for-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c401e4bc-fb33-4d4e-a726-a53d6d8ca235Post:966fbcee-70d1-494c-8dcb-0c064ab63f82">Re: Picking shoes for BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]First off i picked my BM's because they are my best friends and I knew their preferences. They are heel whores so they didn't care about me wanting a peep toe. Obviously if one of my BM didn't like heels I wouldn't have forced them to wear heels. Second, some brides enjoy their BM to match its not that big of a deal. Besides I've never met a girl in my social group who didn't want an excuse to go out and buy a new pair of shoes. However, brides who make BM get their shoes dyed in some horrific color need to be slapped. I just personally think its odd when you match everything but the shoes. Like I said earlier those sandals are super cute and if I were your BM I would probably end up buying 2 pairs.
Posted by aardvark2009[/QUOTE]

<div>Out of curiosity, did you make them match hair and makeup styles as well? </div>

jennyd412

Definitely let them pick their shoes. SInce the dress is short, specify a color. I am 5'11" and I was my friend's MOH last year. When the bridesmaids started emailing different shoe choices back and forth (Many with 5 inch heels) I sent the bride a private message saying "You don't expect to wear those shoes, right?" She already had decided we would all wear shoes of our choice because of height differences and comfort level. Being uncomfortable(or even in pain) is awful, and feeling like you might fall from walking in the type of shoes you NEVER wear is even worse.

kiddodarling2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-shoes-for-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c401e4bc-fb33-4d4e-a726-a53d6d8ca235Post:321a6336-0770-404c-88bd-86f96abb9fbd">Re: Picking shoes for BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]Second, some brides enjoy their BM to match its not that big of a deal It's a big deal because those brides expect other people to spend their money that they earned working at their jobs for the brides' own parties. That's pretty darned self-centered and inconsiderate of others. Besides I've never met a girl in my social group who didn't want an excuse to go out and buy a new pair of shoes. That SHE picked out....not that someone else picked out and ordered her to buy.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>If it is in the budget that the BM gave the bride it shouldn't be a big deal. The last wedding I was in the bride asked for a black heel I have 5 pairs of those so I didn't have to go out and buy anything, neither did her other BM. As I mentioned in my post I have never been in a wedding nor woud I ever dream of forcing someone to go out and buy dyed shoes or anything crazy like that. I am simply giving my opinion to the OP as did you. My opinion doesn't need to conform to yours. Perhaps how I was raised to view and particpate in weddings is very different then yours. </div>

kiddodarling2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-shoes-for-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c401e4bc-fb33-4d4e-a726-a53d6d8ca235Post:9628d879-c1b4-42a3-a6bc-ad0c013b2bf6">Re: Picking shoes for BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Picking shoes for BMs : Out of curiosity, did you make them match hair and makeup styles as well? 
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]

<div>I paid for my BM hair and makeup. They chose their own makeup and hairstyle, the only thing I asked was they all have it half up. My BM usually wear their hair that way and my MOH had bought everyone these cute hair pins for the wedding as a surprise.</div>

daveANDkristen

Aardvark I understand where you're coming from, all your girls are "heel whores" and either already have or we're pleased to buy a new pair of silver peep toe shoes for your wedding. However, OP specifically said that the same style of shoe will not be comfortable for every girl in her WP. I also disagree with you that it's odd to match everything but the shoes. Have you been in a lot of weddings that required the BMs to match hairstyles, jewelry, or handbags? I haven't. Usually the bride just asks them to wear a neutral, like black or silver. Then the BMs can wear which ever pair is comfortable and their style.

kiddodarling2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-shoes-for-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c401e4bc-fb33-4d4e-a726-a53d6d8ca235Post:b5e301a4-ad22-492f-a8a9-e0ea3ef8944d">Re: Picking shoes for BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]Aardvark I understand where you're coming from, all your girls are "heel whores" and either already have or we're pleased to buy a new pair of silver peep toe shoes for your wedding. However, OP specifically said that the same style of shoe will not be comfortable for every girl in her WP. I also disagree with you that it's odd to match everything but the shoes. Have you been in a lot of weddings that required the BMs to match hairstyles, jewelry, or handbags? I haven't. Usually the bride just asks them to wear a neutral, like black or silver. Then the BMs can wear which ever pair is comfortable and their style.
Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]

<div>I've been in about 10 weddings and in each one the Bride specified a general hairstyle, most if not all bought our jewelry or asked us to wear our pearls. They also gave us a shoe style and color. They never cared about the general height of the shoe, so it could have been a 2in heel or an 8in heel.</div><div>
</div><div>OP: Perhaps you could tell your BM about both style shoes and see what your BP says. The ones who love flats would be happy and the girls who want heels have a choice of heels?</div>

daveANDkristen

I agree Liatris. I was in one wedding wear the bride wanted us in matching jewelry, so she did buy it but it was part of our gift. It was a brown and tan pearl choker, matching the colors of the dress. To put it kindly, I did not care for the necklace one bit. I was uncomfortable the whole day and felt very self conscious. Loose guidelines are fine, such as silver jewelry or black shoes. But each girl should be allowed to style themselves in a way that suits them JMHO.

Peledreamsofrain

You guys will get a kick out of this one:

Not only did I not demand that my bridesmaids all wear the same shoes, one of my bridesmaids ended up not wearing any at all!  We had a wardrobe malfunction right before the wedding, and she didn't have a pair of shoes.  The poor girl had feet that needed special sizing, so she was PANICKED.  She was almost in tears, and trying to work out how we'd fit in an emergency shoe shopping trip, when I told her "you know, it's a garden wedding, and you've said you like being barefoot.  Do you just want to go without shoes?"  She was SO grateful. 

 And guess what?  Not a single person noticed that she didn't have shoes on.  Not one.  I asked people afterwards specifically because I was curious.  Nadda.  It was a pretty formal garden wedding too.  I still get a giggle out of it to this day.

bridalmarch

I have shoulder length, extremely curly hair. Half up half down makes me look like a triangle shaped poodle. It needs to be let go to do it's own thing or pulled back to look good. I'd be very sad if my friend made me wear my hair in a way that didn't suit my style or flatter me at all. 

mhellmuth

I let my girsl wear whatever shoes they wanted.  They were all different colors.  You can see how it looked here http://happinessiscreating.com/my-wedding/. I thought it turned out cute.   My mom told me she didnt even realize they all had differernt shoes.  This is the case with most things. Dont stress about anything.  Most of the time your guests dont realize all of your details. /:)

mhellmuth

I let my girsl wear whatever shoes they wanted.  They were all different colors.  You can see how it looked here http://happinessiscreating.com/my-wedding/. I thought it turned out cute.   My mom told me she didnt even realize they all had differernt shoes.  This is the case with most things. Dont stress about anything.  Most of the time your guests dont realize all of your details. /:)

kiddodarling2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-shoes-for-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c401e4bc-fb33-4d4e-a726-a53d6d8ca235Post:6480d283-337f-45aa-a36b-fd5fa7b875ae">Re: Picking shoes for BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]Aardvark, I grew up in West Texas. I don't think weddings are that different in New Mexico. Did your mama really teach you that, "Now, honey, when a bride asks you to wear something in a wedding, you should always do as she asks?" while you were growing up?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>I think it has more to do with how I was raised in my beliefs and in my culture. To me and my friends we believe that being a BM is one of the rare times when we get to prove how much we love our friends. To me if that means putting on an ugly necklace or shoes I wouldn't normally wear I am willing to do it because I love and cherish my relationship with my friend and I feel blessed that she's asked me to stand up with her while she makes a lifelong commitment to someone. If I'm willing to take a bullet for my friend I should be willing to put away my preferences for one day to make my friend happy. That's just my opinion and the opinion of whom I choose to be close friends with.</div>

daveANDkristen

That's why any one of us endure the ugly necklaces and uncomfortable shoes, aardvark, because we love our friend that we are standing up for. It has nothing to do with how you were raised. The point is that a thoughtful bride would not want her bridesmaids to look stupid or be uncomfortable to prove that they're a good friend. A matching dress is one thing, but it's ridiculous to require grown women to style themselves in an uncomfortable or unflattering way just so the bride can have a lineup of pictureperfect cookiecutter dolls.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-shoes-for-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c401e4bc-fb33-4d4e-a726-a53d6d8ca235Post:71b40fe7-a53a-4ea3-a676-ad5b2dd925a8">Re: Picking shoes for BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Picking shoes for BMs : I think it has more to do with how I was raised in my beliefs and in my culture. To me and my friends we believe that being a BM is one of the rare times when we get to prove how much we love our friends. To me if that means putting on an ugly necklace or shoes I wouldn't normally wear I am willing to do it because I love and cherish my relationship with my friend and I feel blessed that she's asked me to stand up with her while she makes a lifelong commitment to someone. If I'm willing to take a bullet for my friend I should be willing to put away my preferences for one day to make my friend happy. That's just my opinion and the opinion of whom I choose to be close friends with.
Posted by aardvark2009[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, because your particular cultural background is the only one that can raise people to sacrafice for their friends.  You are SO right.  Thank you for gracing us with your moral superiority.  Us heathens sure would be lost without you, oh great one.</div><div>
</div><div>If you can't feel me rolling my eyes, then you aren't among the living.</div><div>
</div><div>Seriously, get over yourself. <strong> I </strong>was raised not to put my friends through crappy experiences and blow their money for funsies just to prove how good of a friend they are to me.  You don't see me claiming that my culture has the corner market on that morality though.  Because that would be seriously offensive. </div>

kiddodarling2010

"Seriously, get over yourself.  I was raised not to put my friends through crappy experiences and blow their money for funsies just to prove how good of a friend they are to me." Well your missing my point and no need to be rude. 

I'm simply telling the OP my view on stuff. I'm sure some things you got for your wedding I would think is a waste of time/money and vice versa. There is no need to bash me or my view. I agree with a lot of stuff said on here, but I am allowed to disagree and to give the OP a different view on things. Perhaps they are more like me and they'll appreciate my point of view then again maybe they're more like you. This is supposed to be a friendly place.

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-shoes-for-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c401e4bc-fb33-4d4e-a726-a53d6d8ca235Post:224ec0da-82cb-42a0-b6cf-2c5085e2f159">Re: Picking shoes for BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]"Seriously, get over yourself.   I  was raised not to put my friends through crappy experiences and blow their money for funsies just to prove how good of a friend they are to me."  Well your missing my point and no need to be rude.  I'm simply telling the OP my view on stuff. I'm sure some things you got for your wedding I would think is a waste of time/money and vice versa. There is no need to bash me or my view. I agree with a lot of stuff said on here, but I am allowed to disagree and to give the OP a different view on things. Perhaps they are more like me and they'll appreciate my point of view then again maybe they're more like you. <strong>This is supposed to be a friendly place</strong>.
Posted by aardvark2009[/QUOTE]

<div>It's unfriendly and offensive to pretend that your culture is superior and SOOOO much more wonderful than everyone else's. Guess what?  EVERYONE'S culture and upbringing has deep values, and stresses friendships.  You don't get the corner market.  And the fact that you keep trying to make this out to be me being offensive is just worsening the insult.</div><div>
</div><div>So thanks for the continued object lesson on how to 'be friendly'.  I'll add "say seriously offensive things to people, then lecture them on manners" to the list of acceptable behaviors. You learn something new every day.  Huh.</div>

NYCMercedes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_picking-shoes-for-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c401e4bc-fb33-4d4e-a726-a53d6d8ca235Post:3253d6f6-b2ad-4c56-801c-32920e2da125">Re: Picking shoes for BMs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Picking shoes for BMs : Yes, because your particular cultural background is the only one that can raise people to sacrafice for their friends.  You are SO right.  Thank you for gracing us with your moral superiority.  Us heathens sure would be lost without you, oh great one. If you can't feel me rolling my eyes, then you aren't among the living. Seriously, get over yourself.  I was raised not to put my friends through crappy experiences and blow their money for funsies just to prove how good of a friend they are to me.  You don't see me claiming that my culture has the corner market on that morality though.  Because that would be seriously offensive. 
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

Love. Hit the nail on the head.

kiddodarling2010

I'm sorry for those who thought I was saying my beliefs or culture was in some way superior to yours. That is something I would find offensive and I would never want to come off that way. I never meant to sound condescending or superior. It was not my intention to come off as trying to educate or anything like that. I was simply trying to answer what I believed was a serious question as to why I believed something. I gave an honest answer and it was not meant to be taken as me being a witch or me trying to be rude. I understand everyone has values and know how to treat their friends. I was simply saying that in MY view if that meant wearing matching shoes to a wedding I was in I would be ok with that. I am not the only person who feels that way (based on a lot of wedding pictures I've seen or weddings I've attended). As I said before "I'm sure some things you did for your wedding I would think is a waste of time/money and vice versa". I never meant to be rude or to belittle anyone I am not here to be rude or belligerent and I apologize for that. I am just on here to give my opinion like you all are and to hopefully help brides with questions.