Wedding Party

Bridal party self-invite

Hello Brides,  
     I need a suggestion on how to handle a long time friend that has requested/demanded to be a part of the wedding party.  A friend of mine has said for the last 3.5 years while I was dating my BF (now fiance) that when I got married she was going to be the matron of honor.  Our friendship has waxed and wained over the years as we are in very different stages of our lives (she is ~18 years older than me).  I'm graduating with my doctorate soon, so school has been my focus for the last six years;  she started a family a few years ago, so our lives have been very different. She actually hasnt even met my fiance (even though we have dated for 3.5 years).  She had expressed negative feelings toward him because he came from an affluent family, but since we have been engaged only has nice things to say about him. I have already chosen my bridal party. 
    I have thought carefully about who I wanted to be in my wedding party long before my fiance and I got engaged.  I chose five friends that are all very different, but similar in age.  The five girlfriends I chose will interact well and will have fun together.  My older friend that requested to be part of the bridal party just wouldn't mesh with the other girls.  
   I have not come out and announced to her that I have made my decision on the bridal party, however, she is hinting at it from time to time.  I dont want to hurt her feelings and offend her.  We work at the same weekend job when I'm home from breaks and I dont want to lose that connection either. 
  Also, some time ago we had planned on me being the Godmother of her first child.  When her child was born we weren't as close and she asked her cousin to be the Godmother.  To this day, we have never discussed how I was supposed to be the Godmother.  Although, to be honest, I think that situation worked out do I avoid the bridal party deets or address the issue head on with her?

Re: Bridal party self-invite

  • Hurt feelings come from a lack of communication. Ask her what she was looking forward to most and maybe try to accomodate it if it's simple. A good friend of mine was most looking forward to helping me pick my dress. So, after taking my family and wedding party to shop, I'm getting her input on the final picks and then we're going to be silly and immature and she's going to pick out the hideous dresses we both hate and she can exercise her bitch-bone as she calls it. Good times and she can get out her malicious feelings in a rather innocent manner.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You have to address this head on!  It's rude for her to assume but maybe you can ease the blow by asking her to be a reader or hand out the programs or something.  When she asks why she's not standing up just be honest with her.  Tell her you and the fiance made the decision together and since he never met her he didn't feel comfortable having her in the wedding party.  If she gets mad at you about it, then you know where your friendship stands!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards