.

kristinelyse

.

bablingbrooke

She sounds nuts.

bablingbrooke

Having said that, did something happen?  Unless she suddenly and completely changed personalities, there had to have been some sort of catalyst.

It was wrong of you to conscript some girl the day before and give her the other girl's dress to wear.  You should have just gone with uneven sides.  

lalap69

Ditto Brooke.

Tell her no and ignore her.  She sounds like one heck of a friend.

banana468

I responded to your post on Etiquette.

Why didn't you go back and respond to what the people were saying?

banana468

Here is a C&P of what I wrote on E:

Let me get this straight:
1) You told her what she was required to do.

2) She didn't do the things you required of her.

3) The day before your wedding, somehow you still had her dress that had not yet been altered.  You then told the BM that she was out AND gave her dress to someone else to act as a replacement BM with under 24 hours to go.

4) Months later, she asked for the dress back and you gave it to her with a receipt saying she essentially had a 'past due' balance and that it wasn't paid in full.

5) THEN she said that she wanted the replacement BM to pay her for the cost of the dress that she (the demoted BM) already had in her possession.

Am I correct here?

It appears that both of you acted quite poorly throughout all of this.

Followed by:

And I can understand a bit why she wants to be reimbursed for the cost of the dress that she has.  You paid for a small portion of the item and then booted her.  I'd want to be paid back too!

There have to be bigger issues going on here though. I refuse to believe that this issue stemmed from all parties acting as sane individuals.


And you didn't answer my question on there:

Did you ask the BM in advance what she was willing to spend on a dress? 

gottahavashorti

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaid-hell

Based on this, I think you're both in the wrong.

sarabellam

Were you hoping that, by glossing over all of the demands for your BM's time leading up to the wedding, and ignoring your own faux pas of replacing a BM at the 11th hour, you could post on another board hoping you would get the validation you so desparately seek?

banana468

OP, many people frequent multiple boards.  They see when you create a thread in one place and then create a new thread omitting the pertinent details as sarabellam said.

Just an FYI - people notice it and see it as lying.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]<strong>To keep a long story short, one of my bridesmaids decided to not show up to the rehersal or wedding day without letting me know</strong>.  I had her dress which she never even bothered to have altered, so I asked another friend to fill in for her the day before the wedding, figuring I could not count on the first girl who just skiped the rehersal.  9 months after the wedding, the first bridesmaid wanted her dress back. I got it back from my other friend and returned it to her.  She is now saying that we need to pay her for the dress because we used it.  I don't see why we owe her money when she flaked out on the wedding.  We gave the dress back, why would we need to give her money for it to?
Posted by kristinelyse[/QUOTE]
Did you officially kick her out of the wedding, or did she step down on her own?

banana468

Gotta, based on the post on E, it looks like the BM was kicked out. 

gottahavashorti

Okay, I saw that one too but was kind of confused by it.  It seems like she should be reimbursed since they used a dress she purchased without asking, or if she was kicked out of the wedding.  Even if she's able to sell the dress, she might get less money for it now that it's 'used.'

banana468

That's my feeling too.  The OP took the dress that the BM purchased (at least purchased most of it), gave it to someone else to wear and now somehow this booted BM has the dress back.

But the dress has been worn and the friend paid for a dress that she didn't get to wear.  And most BM dresses LOOK like BM dresses and aren't re-wearable.  So now she's stuck with a pink dress that someone else wore.

Yes, she should be repaid.

I'm still curious OP why you keep changing your story.

kristinelyse

I didn't kick her out.  She just never showed up without saying a word.  I had to have a back up plan.  I only had 3 people on each side, so if I didn't ask my other friend to fill in for her on the chance she wouldn't come to the actual wedding either,  would have only had 2 girls on my side.

banana468

So you kicked her out when she didn't show up to the rehearsal or to the wedding?

Did you try contacting her to see if anything was wrong?

Either way, it's considered rude to the booted BM and to the replacement to replace anyone so that wasn't the best thing to do.

Beyond that, do the other things I've said in summation make sense?  I'm also somewhat confused.

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c7554bbb-cf43-4ea4-ad45-195bd39b50e5Post:a66cf378-da5c-4b0c-9506-9b95f722531f">Re: bad bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't kick her out.  She just never showed up without saying a word.  I had to have a back up plan.  I only had 3 people on each side, so if I didn't ask my other friend to fill in for her on the chance she wouldn't come to the actual wedding either,  would have only had 2 girls on my side.
Posted by kristinelyse[/QUOTE]

So your marriage would have been invalid if you had only 2 girls? Oh, the horrors! I only had 2 bridesmaids, not 3, my marriage is null and void! Oh, wait, is your objection to having uneven sides? Oh, noes! I'm doomed again, then, since my 2 bridesmaids were the only WP! My marriage is a sham!

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]I didn't kick her out.  She just never showed up without saying a word.  I had to have a back up plan.  I only had 3 people on each side, so if I didn't ask my other friend to fill in for her on the chance she wouldn't come to the actual wedding either,  would have only had 2 girls on my side.
Posted by kristinelyse[/QUOTE]
What's wrong with having only 2 girls on your side?  Even wedding parties are not a requirement, and by replacing your friend at the last minute you sent the message that not only was she easily replaceable, but you also didn't respect her belonging  (the dress) enough to not loan them out without her permission.

deepcovejackie

Couple of things, just wondering how the last-minute fill-in bridesmaid felt about being last choice in the wedding party and being essentially a prop?  Ouch.  Second is, I think you're skewing this question because you didn't get the answer you wanted on another board.  Therefore I question your credibility.

Oh, and one more thing, I agree with pp that there must have been a reason for a woman who was important enough for you to make a bridesmaid suddenly act like that.  Methinks it may have been your unrealistic expectations.

You should pay her back the money she lost for the dress.  I suspect you also owe her an apology?

MyNameIsNot

Wow.  I just read your post on E.  You are not a nice person.

You owe her the money, and an apology.  

bablingbrooke

None of my BMs could come to the rehearsal or RD (that were on a Thursday afternoon--thanks MIL!) and we had uneven sides.  Obviously my marriage is invalid and DH and I need to do it all over again.  We'll call it a "vow renewal."

bablingbrooke

I love her "poll" on E.  Great "variety" of responses.  Mature adults at work here.

banana468

And I'm honestly curious why she decided to tile the floor rather than attend the wedding.

Something about the BM, her relationship with the bride, or a ton of other stuff with those things just isn't adding up.

katiepoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c7554bbb-cf43-4ea4-ad45-195bd39b50e5Post:6e07124a-06fa-4f2b-b005-d02ff9536512">Re: bad bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE].  It seems to me that the "moderator"should be a little nicer and not make fun of how my dresses looked and what a bad person I am.
Posted by kristinelyse[/QUOTE]

Banana didn't make fun of your dress- I did. A lot of people don't wear bridesmaid's dresses again - most aren't that wearable outside of a wedding. I admitted I was being judgy and that it was just not my style. And you said your ex-BM picked her own dress. Really, my opinion of the dress shouldn't be your biggest concern in this whole ordeal.