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Who has a funny story?

I'm having a crappy day (nothing life-changing, just one of those days) and need to cheer up.  Tell me something amusing that happened to you, a friend, whatever.  WR or NWR.  
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"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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Re: Who has a funny story?

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    You mean the crazy / ridiculous posts aren't enough to cheer you up?  Those always put me in a good mood...
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    On my run, I was going up a very long hill and passed some HS cross country boys from my old HS, I told them I will be telling there coach about their walking. They started running a few meters then stopped and walked again, I think the "oh $#!^" look on their faces when I was standing next to my old coach made my day. That and the fact that the coach rubbed it in that a girl had more strength to go up the hill then them made it quite amusing. 
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    This not a joke, just some randomness.

    In the spirit of Halloween it is my duty to inform you that children are not lawfully allowed to trick or treat in Virginia.

    Ummm. What??

    You can probably already tell how much that's enforced />.> <.<
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    tldhtldh member
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    edited October 2010
    Happened to a law school friend of mine right after 3L first semester exams.  She got up early to go running in the metroparks and was huffing and puffing her way up a hill.  This is someone who used to run marathons and she heard a group coming up behind her so she moved over.  You can imagine how pissed she was to see that she just got smoked by a bunch of baldy and white haired senior citizens out for their daily run.

    Wedding related:
    In February when I moved here, I tried to impress on DH that if we didn't book a place ASAP, we were not getting married in 2010.  We got hit with a blizzard Friday night and continuing into Saturday.

    DH comes downstairs, looks at me and say, "You're kidding!?!?  There's a blizzard; they're telling people to say in."

    I looked down at what I was wearing. "Yeah, I know.  I have my ski pants, boots and parka on California boy.  We're going looking at B&B's and Inns today.  Get In The Car!!"

    He was white knuckled the whole time, especially when a speeding plow ran us off the road.  Didn't phase me, I just got out, got the shovel out of the trunk and started digging until the plow driver came back to help us.

    On 95 coming home, I came up on a state trooper going a ridiculous 15 mph.  DH was mortified that I passed the trooper going what was in my mind a still stupid 17 mph.  I didn't get pulled over and ticketed.  I got yelled at instead.

    Trooper, over his loudspeakers, "Slow down."

    I didn't miss a beat, turned in the drivers seat and screamed, "Learn to drive!!!"

    DH's Greek skin was actually white while he was yelling, "Slow down!!"

    The only vehicle that passed us the entire day was a semi who also had Ohio plates.  I think the fact that I still had Ohio plates are probably what saved me from getting a ticket.  Having lived in Cleveland for 10 years, a blizzard is just a little snow storm.  Deal with it.
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    Oh my god TLDH! I am HORRIFIED at how Virginians and Arkansans (used to live in Arkansas too) handle snow. Appalled. Shocked.

    I grew up in Chicago and I do NOT understand what is so difficult about plowing more than once every 12 hours and using salt BEFORE the snow starts to fall. It drives me crazy.
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    I used to live in Boston and every snow the city was caught off guard.  Like they couldn't have predicted another winter...
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    Um ... I have a "WTF?!?!?!" story ... it's kind of funny to my family, because this is "normal", but other people might think we're weirdos.

    My great-grandmother (Who I was very close with) passed away on Monday (Which of course, an hour after I receive the news, BSC friend posts all over FB that she had her baby). My entire family is devastated by the loss, but we're sticking together and trying to look at all of the positives. We held her funeral services today. My aunt (Who is the same aunt that at during my cocktail hour said "You can barely tell you're 3 months along!!!!!", thinking it was "funny"), is nuts. Like I can't even blame this on her grieving, she just pulls some psycho AW stunt at every family function.

    She insisted on her husband (Who only obliged her because he knows she's nuts, too, and didn't want to deal with the hassle of saying "no" to her) reading this poem during the memorial service this morning-she couldn't read it herself because she "was too distraught" ... but she "felt the words needed to be said by somebody to comfort everybody":

    http://www.wussu.com/poems/whafb.htm

    I'd never heard the poem before, so I was kind of waiting after the first few lines for it to get funny or something (Gram did have a wicked sense of humor) ... obviously, it never got funny. It wasn't something Gram would have appreciated at all-and it wasn't something anybody in my family would find "comforting".

    So ... as soon as it was over, my knee-jerk reaction was "What the f*ck was that about?!?!?!?!". Unfortunately, I apparently was so distraught, that those exact words actually came out of my mouth.

    Luckily, at the time of the reading, I was hanging out in the back with DH trying to compose myself (Just moments earlier I was in the thick of things and started sobbing, so DH steered me away from everybody to get a moment to breathe) ... so only a few people heard me say it, and they were all good friends of the family who know my aunt is nuts, and that I have a very limited tolerance for her shenanigans, so we actually had a little laugh over it.

    And we now have another "Crazy Aunt is Crazy" story for every holiday to come hereafter.

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    Meg, I'm so sorry for your loss!  I'm giving you and your family a big hug.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_funny-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c936c327-6de7-428d-97a0-e61a9c31ebb7Post:8c4247d7-b7b1-4b63-b89a-e8fe82525514">Re: Who has a funny story?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Meg, I'm so sorry for your loss!  I'm giving you and your family a big hug.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Thanks. I really appreciate it. I keep trying to look at that she was 92, she lived to see 2 great-great grandchildren be born, and that she's with my great-grandpa again (He died when I was 11). She also was able to live independently up until about a year ago, so it's not like she spent years lingering in a nursing home or a hospital bed suffering.

    But  ... she also knew my aunt is crazy ... so I'm sure she was in Heaven rolling her eyes when that little stunt was pulled.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_funny-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c936c327-6de7-428d-97a0-e61a9c31ebb7Post:6f0d86f4-91bb-41c7-a9e5-ceb17463b873">Re: Who has a funny story?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You mean the crazy / ridiculous posts aren't enough to cheer you up?  Those always put me in a good mood...
    Posted by direy25[/QUOTE]

    Ha!  That is exactly what I was thinking!  Yup ... just scroll up two posts to see the "she said X behind my back" post ... now <em>that's</em> funny!
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    @Meg: I bet she had a good eyeroll over that one.  She sounds like an incredible lady.

    @Lisa: I read that one and it did perk me up a bit :)
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    I'm sorry Meg. =( *hugs*

    I like the idea of her eye rolling in heaven. I'm sure that's exactly what she's doing.
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    @Meg - ::HUG::
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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    Meg, so sorry for your loss!

    As for a WTF story, a few months ago I left work to run an errand.  When I came back, I was walking up the sidewalk to my building and noticed something laying on the sidewalk.  As I got closer, I realized it was someone's underwear, and then in a moment of sheer terror, I realized it was MY underwear!  It must've been stuck in my pant leg and fallen out at some point either on my way into the building that morning or on the way out to run my errand.

    No one was around, but I was wayyyyyy too embarassed to pick them up so I just walked right by.  When I left work that day, I decided I would pick them up if no one was around.  Well, a couple of people were walking behind me, and by then my underwear had blown off the sidewalk and into a bush right next to the sidewalk and they were all tangled up in the bush...so I just left them there.  Ya.
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    tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited October 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_funny-story?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c936c327-6de7-428d-97a0-e61a9c31ebb7Post:b085a0d1-9f56-413a-b507-a0d00414aa2a">Re: Who has a funny story?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh my god TLDH! I am HORRIFIED at how Virginians and Arkansans (used to live in Arkansas too) handle snow. Appalled. Shocked. I grew up in Chicago and I do NOT understand what is so difficult about plowing more than once every 12 hours and using salt BEFORE the snow starts to fall. It drives me crazy.
    Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

    The worst I've encountered were Texans but Arkansans weren't much better.  We got caught in an ice storm in Dallas and I made DH drive us to the Arkansas border because I would have run people off the damn road in Texas. 

    I was already fuming from watching the idiotic local news who were amazed at rock salt and calming down a producer, anchor and meteorologist from my old TV station who were pissed that I didn't call in with a live report (because apparently this storm was a national story) even though I hadn't worked there in two years.  I just wanted to find out the direction of the storm because, again, the local news in Dallas sucked.

    Once we got to Texarkana I took over.  Arkansas had one lane of the highway plowed and salted and people were still going 20 mph.  Yeah.  Screw that.  I was in the other lane going a whopping 35mph.  DH was asleep and woke up shortly after I hit what looked like a clear patch.  Nope.  Black Ice.

    DH asked, "What's going on?"

    I answered, "Nothing.  Just fishtailing a little."  (Okay, a lot.  In his new car that were were driving from San Francisco to Cleveland in January).

    We got to a rest stop.  DH asked if I wanted to go in. 

    "Nope"

    "Need to go to the bathroom?"

    "Nope"

    "Want something to eat?"

    "Nope."

    "Drink?"

    "Nope."

    "You can't pry your fingers off the steering wheel can you!?!?"  He had only at that point noticed my white knuckled death grip on the steering wheel.

    "Nope."
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    [QUOTE]Oh my god TLDH! I am HORRIFIED at how Virginians and Arkansans (used to live in Arkansas too) handle snow. Appalled. Shocked. I grew up in Chicago and I do NOT understand what is so difficult about plowing more than once every 12 hours and using salt BEFORE the snow starts to fall. It drives me crazy.
    Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]
    I'm pretty sure my township didn't know what salt was.  Only the state roads were ever salted.  The others got some sort of gravel/ash stuff to create traction that was awesome at causing skidding once the snow melted.
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    I hate the gravel stuff. It's good for one car. ONE. And then it just turns into more mud that gets stuck in your tread so that you have absolutely no traction.

    I'm getting angry just thinking about it. DC had that major snowstorm last February and you would have thought Armageddon was upon us. I was screaming at the local news as they were reporting on it, "JUST PLOW THE FRICKIN ROADS! DON'T WAIT UNTIL IT STOPS SNOWING!!!!!!"

    Seriously. In Chi Town, every city vehicle that can hold a plow is outfitted with one and they are literally scraping concrete the entire time they are out there, getting paid their overtime. I remember bringing my snowsuit with me to school and playing in the snow at recess. Then we moved to Arkansas and it was like "Snow?? Shut down the state!!" It baffled my family.

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    They plowed through the storms for us and it didn't help much - there are a lot more plows than their used to be but still not enough to be plowed out quickly since there are a ton of roads and a low population density.  Lots of open fields meant a ton of drifting and 6-8' drifts at some areas since we got hit hard by both storms (I think Philly got the brunt of one and DC the brunt of the other, right?).  They were calling in all people with construction equipment that could be used to move snow which worked but really tore up the roads/grass and knocked off quite a few mailboxes.

    First storm we were plowed out that day, second we were snowed in for a few days due to the drifting.  Less days than in '96 when the area was much less populated.  It is just part of living in a rural community.  Until the last few years when we started getting plowed sooner (ie. the day of the snow instead of 1-2 days later) everyone on my road who had a tractor, rider mower or snow blower would clear their portion of the road. 
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    That's how Maryland seems to be in the snow and rain, too!  I don't understand it.  Well, in rain a handful go 85mph down the highway then have to slam on their breaks, and then the whole highway is going 40mph for no reason.  But in snow and ice they are all flying.
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    I'm so sorry for your loss, Meg.  :(

    Not gonna lie, the prospect of driving in snow terrifies me, it's pretty much the only hangup I have about moving to KC.  I grew up in Phoenix, then moved to SoCal.  Snow is something you visit.  I think my first winter is going to be rough.

    The other day at work, DH saw some short, pompous dude at a gas station screaming at the attedant, a little old lady, because he screwed up.  So DH (all 6'5" of him) comes up behind him and says, "Quietly now, we're tracking the SoCal douchebag.  You have to be careful, as these douchebags are extremely hostile due to their small penis size."  This was related to me via text message, prefaced by the message, "I almost got punched, it was fuccking hilarious."
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    Oh, I'm not from Philly.  It got hit hard by one storm and DC by the other, I think.  I might have the cities that got the bulk of the snow wrong.  Either way, I am from the overlap area that didn't get hit the hardest by either but probably got the most snow between the two storms combined.

    They also pave our roads with gravel.  I swear it's dangerous.  DH flipped his first car after it skidded on gravel on a paved road, one of my other friends totaled his car from catching gravel on a paved road as well, and it has made me slide into an intersection more than once when I forgot there was currently a big chunk of gravel by the stop sign.
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    Using gravel or any other substance besides salt that actually melts the snow and ice is just dumb. It does absolutely nothing.
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