Bridesmaid Issues

Lynettecc

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banana468

If your bio is right, you're not getting married until November of this year.

So for right now, focus on your friendship with BM #1.  Stop talking wedding with her at all and just see if you two can even be friends. 

With #2, you need to trust her unless she says she's stepping out.  For you two ask her would be not appropriate at all.

Don't even think about replacing people at all unless a BM says that she's not making it of her OWN volition.  Even then, I'm really anti replacement but in this case, it sounds like the replacements would be OK with it - but that's not for you to do at all right now.

quotequeen

No, you should not ask them to step down, and you should not replace them.  These two things go together - if you are not planning to replace them, there is no reason not to play it by ear and see if they show up.  The only argument you have for that is that you could take the stuff you bought for them back and give it to somebody else.  But if these cousins weren't close enough to ask in the first place, they shouldn't be in the wedding now, regardless of what happens with the other two bridesmaids.

ladydiy2004

Take a hint and move on if you have someone else that would be happy to replace them Go for it!! Its your wedding do what will make you happy!

banana468

[QUOTE]Take a hint and move on if you have someone else that would be happy to replace them Go for it!! Its your wedding do what will make you happy[/QUOTE]

This is not good advice.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issues-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c945342f-4b96-4560-a0c4-6d6cb54620cbPost:7569a728-97dc-40d4-a6cf-a597cbe9f9fa">Re: Bridesmaid Issues</a>:
[QUOTE]Take a hint and move on if you have someone else that would be happy to replace them Go for it!! Its your wedding do what will make you happy!
Posted by ladydiy2004[/QUOTE]
Exactly, other people don't matter, they're just props for your ~*SpEcIaL dAy*~!!!!!!

lalap69

OP, I meant to add with regards to BM #2 - you say she only shows up to about 1 in 7 events she says she will.  But surely you knew this when you asked her to be a BM.  If she's always been flaky, you can't expect her to change just because you're getting married.  You chose her anyway.  This isn't a good reason to ask her to "step down".

mbcdefg

#1, keep trying to repair the friendship if you want to salvage it. Otherwise, just leave her a message when her dress comes in, and then leave the ball in her court. If she wants to drop out on her own, she will.

#2, no, don't kick her out. If she makes it, she makes it. If not, ask her to reimburse you for the dress. Plus, when you say she flakes out on events, is that things like casual barbecues and get-togethers? Or did you plan a vacation to Europe with her and she said as you were ready to pick her up for the airport that she wasn't coming? There's a HUGE difference between flaking out on casual get-togethers versus flaking out of a big commitment. (And if you knew all along that she is a flake and that would bother you enough to consider kicking her out, why did you ask her to be a bridesmaid?)

I don't think it's awful to ask the cousins to step in if they came to you and offered. But what happens if one BM drops out and the other doesn't? How do you pick which cousin to step in? You'd have a whole NEW set of problems in that case, if you had to pick just one to step in.

emilyinchile

#1 That sucks. But you guys have a long time to repair your relationship, and there's nothing you need to know right now with regards to whether you're going to have that BM or not - by which I mean you don't need to order her bouquet, buy her BM gift, order her meal, etc. Just keep trying to be her friend for now.

#2 I'm guessing your wedding is a bigger deal than the 6 functions she tends to miss. Flaking on lunch isn't the same as flaking on being a BM, and I hope she'd realize that. Trust that she'll show up.