We are newly engaged and planning for next fall.
I've seen the advise about not picking your wedding party too early - that it really need not been done until around 9 months or so before the wedding. And we are definitely adhering to that advise and have not asked or given hints to anyone yet about it, though I can see that there are a couple who I suspect expect to be in our WP.
IF we were to have a WP, my FI would pick 4 (his brother and three friends) and the very most I could see myself choosing is 2 friends. I don't have any sisters, close female family or a "BFF." I understand that it's OKAY to have the WP uneven, but I'd prefer not to and am definitely not okay with asking people who don't mean much to me to stand up with me just to even it out.
Anyway, my reasons for leaning towards a non-WP are as follows:
1. We are going to have a super-small wedding anyway. 35 people tops. This is due to budget restrictions (we are paying for our own), the fact that we both have super-small families, and don't want to invite everyone we've ever associated with. Seeing as it's small, I suppose it wouldn't be so bad to not have one.
2. Everyone I've ever known who has been in a WP for a friend has only complained about it, including most of the people who we would want in our WP if we were to have one. I rationalize that since they are going to be invited to the wedding anyway, isn't that enough? I don't need to require them to buy dresses and throw parties, ya know?
3. While we are talking about parites, I honestly do not want a bachelorette party. I hate drinking, dancing, watching gay men shake their junk in my face, staying up late, getting wild, etc. I realize there are alternatives to this tradition. And I don't see needing a shower anyway... seeing as it's likely we won't be registering (we've lived together for two years - accumulated everything), and most of our guests will be OOT's who will most likely not want to fly out for something so minor anyway.
You're probably picking up by now that I'm a bit of an introvert.
4. It might just be easier. On everyone. FI's brother and one of his buddies that would be in the WP hate each other. And the two that I would consider picking dislike each other also. I realize that these people would need to grow up and handle this because it's not about them, but I just don't see that from his 20yr old, very immature and hot-headed brother. It just seems like the easiest way to avoid any and all potential drama (and I'm ALL about that!) would be to simply not have a WP. No one's feelings are hurt because they aren't included, and no one's feelings are hurt because they are included.
...
Reading over that I can see that my tone may or may not come across as bitchy. I hope it doesn't. These have been my honest thoughts for some time now, even before we got engaged.
I've discussed this with FI and he is open to it. He was more or less fixed on technicalities like "Well who would make the speech?" (Anyone who wants to? My dad? Your friend? etc.) "Who would be our witnesses?" (Our moms?)
We haven't made any decision about this yet and probably won't for at least a few months. I just wanted to share this with the board and see what your opinions are.