Wedding Party

MOH, mom & shower

My maid of honor emailed my mom, asking her if she had any plans for a shower. My mom responded to her, saying that the groom's aunts are planning one for just the groom's side of the family, and that in our family, it's tradition for the bridesmaids to plan the shower, but she'd be happy to provide her (my parents') house as the venue and to help cook and bake. My mom forwarded the conversation to me, asking if she handled it correctly, especially since she's hoping I will have a shower, it's frowned upon for the mother of the bride to throw one in our area, and no one has offered from our extended family or parents' friends. I cringed a little - I'm afraid that my mom's response essentially made the MOH feel obligated to throw the shower.

And of course, I'm cringing at myself, because one of the Christmas gifts I gave her this year was a tea party-themed cookbook (from Anthropologie, her favorite store) and now I'm afraid that I gave her the same impression, too. How would you feel if you were her, and what can I say to her to communicate that she is not obligated to take this on if she prefers not to?

Re: MOH, mom & shower

  • If you're close enough to make her your maid of honor, I would think you would be close enough to call her up and say exactly how you feel. Something like, "So I talked to my mom and she told me about your email conversation. And then I thought about your Christmas present and I really hope you're not getting the wrong impression. I am in no way expecting a shower and the cookbook was simply because I thought you would enjoy it. Please, please feel no pressue for a shower. Having you as my maid of honor is an honor for me, not a job for you.". That's probably what I would say. 
  • In Response to Re: MOH, mom & shower:
    If you're close enough to make her your maid of honor, I would think you would be close enough to call her up and say exactly how you feel. Something like, "So I talked to my mom and she told me about your email conversation. And then I thought about your Christmas present and I really hope you're not getting the wrong impression. I am in no way expecting a shower and the cookbook was simply because I thought you would enjoy it. Please, please feel no pressue for a shower. Having you as my maid of honor is an honor for me, not a job for you.". That's probably what I would say. 
    Posted by beardownbchs

    I agree!  Very nicely put.


  • Ditto the PP...that is a perfect response!

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    I am confused as how your Christmas present gave her the impression that you were pressuring her into throwing you a bridal shower?  Unless, when you gave her the cookbook you said "I hope you use this lovely present as inspiration for the bridal shower you are going to throw me" then I doubt she thought the present meant anything besides that you thought she would like it.

    At this point I really think that you should just let your MOH and Mom work things out.  I don't think that what your Mom wrote would be pressuring her into anything because apparently she seems interested in a shower since she asked about possible plans.

  • I think you are overthinking. Obviously your MOH was considering some kind of involvement in a shower or she wouldn't have initiated the conversation. I think your Mom offering the place and some food is great. That doesn't leave much more for MOH and if any of the other bridesmaids choose to help.
  • harper0813harper0813
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    edited January 2013
    Thank you, Scribe + Maggie, for setting my mind at ease. I suppose I was reading into my own actions. After reading so many posts from some demanding brides, I'm trying to be conscious of how I treat my family, friends and wedding party right now.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    In Response to Re:MOH, mom amp; shower:
    Thank you, Scribe Maggie, for setting my mind at ease. I suppose I was reading into my own actions. After reading so many posts from some demanding brides, I'm trying to be conscious of how I treat my family, friends and wedding party right now.
    Posted by zoberg
    Good for you!  But don't go too crazy when you think about things or you will drive yourself nutty.  As long as you don't ask for things that aren't necessary or required you are good.  It is great to know that there are still brides out there that care about their family and friends feelings rather then being all about "me, me, me"!

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