Advice needed - FG issues...

CTGirl30

FI's almost-7-yr-old neice will be our FG in a few months. I have met her exactly once and that was a year ago when we travelled accross the country to spend several days at Thanksgiving with FI's family (and that is also when I met ALL of my soon to be IL's).

Here's the dilemma - FG is very, let's say, protective of her uncle. To the point where she's very jealous of me / almost in competition with me? I was forewarned that she's really attached to my FI and that she might respond this way to me, although she did seem to warm up to me more at the end of our visit last year. This year the jealousy / whatever you want to call it is back in full effect - I didn't travel home with FI for Christmas so he's out with his family on his own this year. He told me the other day "Guess who is the only family member who's glad you're NOT here?" Yup, FG. Everyone was saying, "Oh it's too bad CTGirl30 couldn't make it out this year" and FG pipes up with "I'm glad she didn't come because I get Uncle FI all to myself."  Yes, folks. You read that correctly.

So clearly I want to do what I can to build a relationship with my soon to be neice. And I won't see her again until the wedding, which is in just under 5 months. Should I send her a little card or something and let her know I'm thrilled she'll be our FG / somehow show her that I'm not someone she needs to compete with for FI's attention (I'm not going to "take him away" from her) but that I'm simply another adult coming into the family who will care about her and be a loving presence? What on earth do I write in there if I do send a card for a 7 yr old to convey that? Or any other suggestions on how to approach this?

I want to minimize drama in the days leading up to the wedding / have things go smoothly on the wedding day w/o her throwing a fit....well, as much as one can hope with a 7 yr old child. lol.

TIA.

MyNameIsNot

I would send her a Christmas/birthday/just because gift.  Not something big or expensive, but kids are easily bribed.  She's really too young for a card with your feelings to make too much of an impact. 

When the wedding rolls around, I'm sure her parents will handle it if she acts up.  Otherwise, just let it go.

CTGirl30

So something super simple like, "I'm so happy  that you are going to be a flower girl in our wedding! Uncle FI and I both look forward to your visit in May!" and then some kind of present?

Edit - So does this also mean I should get a little present for her 2 cousins who will also be in the wedding as RB and junior groomsman? One is 4 and one is 11....and the kids are all very close and will definately notice if one got a present and the others didn't.

emilyinchile

Yes, I think you should get them all a present if you get one for her. And I agree that at 7, she doesn't care about your feelings, so a heartfelt card would be a waste of paper unfortunately.

Overall, I'd just let it go. She'll come around as she grows up, and I don't think anything you do or don't do is going to make a huge difference. I think it's great that you want to improve your relationship with her, but due to her age I really think this is a case where you'll just stress yourself out while she remains impassive to your efforts.

stina93446

Why are you bothered so much with a 7 year old?! She doesn't even know what she's saying. Just ignore her comments. And send her something like pp said.

CTGirl30

This is true - she'll obvs outgrow this phase in a few years...alright, small gift for each of the kids and a little card and I'm done with it.

If she acts up at the wedding, her parents will definately discipline her.

I think I'm in the stressing over everything phase of my wedding planning right now but this isn't something to worry too much over!

banana468

I think a small token is great.

But honestly, I think that your FI also needs to start speaking up.  At 7, she needs to start hearing him say that YOU are the important person in the picture here.  It's up to him to be the bad guy and you to build that relationship though.

And hopefully her parents are also there ready to tell her no as well.

psichick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_advice-needed-fg-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cbb95216-b584-4303-9362-d9393568a3c5Post:80595ebc-dfd8-4955-add3-18db760ab79b">Re: Advice needed - FG issues...</a>:
[QUOTE]Why are you bothered so much with a 7 year old?! She doesn't even know what she's saying. Just ignore her comments. And send her something like pp said.
Posted by stina93446[/QUOTE]

holy worst advice ever. you obviously don'y know much about kids lol

JaimeeP

CTGirl, you are thinking about this way too much. FG is going through a phase, but her parents (and maybe your FI)  should use this opportunity to teach her some manners. But it's not your problem.
If you buy one child a gift, you should buy one for the others, also.
Ohterwise, you will be rewarding her for bad behaviour.

liz745

If I were you I would just laugh it off. Its obviously just a stage and eventually she will probably come to like you on her own. I wouldnt try to buy her love. If she misbehaves on the wedding day her parents will handle it.

jennylove810

Honestly, CTGirl30 must be a saint, because if some 7 year old kid that I hardly knew was being a little brat, not only would I completely ignore her, I wouldn't send her squat.

stina93446

I DO know a lot about kids. I just find it odd that the OP would let a little brat bother her with stupid comments. I also am not the best at writing what I mean. I have said this many times in previous posts. 

The OP should just ignore the comments. The fg will outgrow this stage, especially at the wedding and afterwards.