Help! Maid of Honor issues!

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce01d31a-2324-4b3f-ad4a-0abf530f62e0Post:ea5e5be9-4e18-4730-83c5-028cf075b80f">Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues! : Spoken like someone who has 1) never been in a wedding, 2) never had a wedding, 3) is under 25 years old.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

4) doesn't care about her friends

nmill349

What is the point of giving someone the title of being a Maid of Honor or Bridesmaid if they are not going to be there to assist you in the planning of your wedding even if it just for the fun of it!? Honey I do not think you are wrong in this matter. Your MOH has put her self first it seems to me. Also, bridesmaids are willing to go to bridal shops with me and help me with little details because they are awarded the title. You give some one the honor of being in the wedding in hopes that they will be there for support through out the whole process. Maybe you all need to go an read up on what the knot has as the duties of BM and MOH because it seems to me that all of you are coming down hard on this young lady.

I am getting married this June and some of my BM are willing to go the extra mile and some arent and that is ok because all of them are cooperative when I need them to meet with me or do anything else. That is how it is supposed to be. The bride comes first until she is married!

MissKrisFaye I wish you luck and I hope you have a beautiful wedding in Hawaii. I lived there before!

banana468

[QUOTE]What is the point of giving someone the title of being a Maid of Honor or Bridesmaid if they are not going to be there to assist you in the planning of your wedding even if it just for the fun of it!? Honey I do not think you are wrong in this matter. Your MOH has put her self first it seems to me. Also, bridesmaids are willing to go to bridal shops with me and help me with little details because they are awarded the title. You give some one the honor of being in the wedding in hopes that they will be there for support through out the whole process. Maybe you all need to go an read up on what the knot has as the duties of BM and MOH because it seems to me that all of you are coming down hard on this young lady. posted by nmill349[/QUOTE]

I think YOU need to read up that the duty list is inappropriate.

You ask people to be your MOH and BMs because of who they ARE to you.  Not what they'll DO for you.

Read my sticky at the top of this page. 

nmill349

oh and FYI to all of you people beating up this lady for wanting her BM together the day before the wedding....my itinerary for my BM's is Thursday night bachelorette party, Friday morning, mani/pedi, friday afternoon rehearsal, friday night rehearsal dinner, Saturday wedding! MissKris, my maids will be with me from Thursday night until Sunday morning because we will be having a breakfast and do you think they have a problem? No they are excited. So I dont see a problem with you wanting them with you the day before the wedding. If your maids want to enjoy their vacations, tell them to stay extra days after the wedding. They cant just not pay you nay attention then show up the day of the wedding! Yea right! Once again good luck. Dont listen to these people!

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce01d31a-2324-4b3f-ad4a-0abf530f62e0Post:ebd3cd15-c8e8-4187-a18a-8f21ea4efdcb">Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues!</a>:
[QUOTE]oh and FYI to all of you people beating up this lady for wanting her BM together the day before the wedding....my itinerary for my BM's is Thursday night bachelorette party, Friday morning, mani/pedi, friday afternoon rehearsal, friday night rehearsal dinner, Saturday wedding! MissKris, my maids will be with me from Thursday night until Sunday morning because we will be having a breakfast and do you think they have a problem? No they are excited. So I dont see a problem with you wanting them with you the day before the wedding. If your maids want to enjoy their vacations, tell them to stay extra days after the wedding. They cant just not pay you nay attention then show up the day of the wedding! Yea right! Once again good luck. Dont listen to these people!
Posted by nmill349[/QUOTE]

This is either MUD or the precursor to a post we'll be getting in a couple months entitled "My BMs won't speak to me - HELP!!!!1!!!11!!!"

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce01d31a-2324-4b3f-ad4a-0abf530f62e0Post:ebd3cd15-c8e8-4187-a18a-8f21ea4efdcb">Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues!</a>:
[QUOTE]oh and FYI to all of you people beating up this lady for wanting her BM together the day before the wedding....my itinerary for my BM's is Thursday night bachelorette party, Friday morning, mani/pedi, friday afternoon rehearsal, friday night rehearsal dinner, Saturday wedding! MissKris, my maids will be with me from Thursday night until Sunday morning because we will be having a breakfast and do you think they have a problem? No they are excited. So I dont see a problem with you wanting them with you the day before the wedding. If your maids want to enjoy their vacations, tell them to stay extra days after the wedding. They cant just not pay you nay attention then show up the day of the wedding! Yea right! Once again good luck. Dont listen to these people!
Posted by nmill349[/QUOTE]

OP, I really beg you to ignore this.

Nmill, I really think that you're missing the boat here.  The OP is choosing to have a Hawaiian destination wedding where her attendants are REQUIRED to take vacation time to attend.  That they get to enjoy some of their vacation time ahead of the wedding is natural.  And to decide that they aren't "allowed" to do so is not appropriate.

Nmill,  I did just do something similar for BIL and SIL's wedding with the time spent, but I CHOSE to spend my time that way.  I wasn't told, "This is how it will be."  My SIL, being the doll that she is ASKED all of us in the wedding if we'd like to join her for mani/pedis on the Friday before the wedding and for hair the day of.  No way did she want to make me feel like I HAD to do something when DH and I made the long trip to be there.  And a bachelorette the NIGHT before the RD?  That's a mistake.  HUGE.

The point is that friendship is a TWO WAY street.  That doesn't mean that when your friends get married, they get to DO this to you.  That means that you treat your friends with respect as they do you ALL the time.   How you NMill and the OP are treating your bridesmaids is not appropriate and it's contributing to the response that the OP is getting from her BM right now.

And NMill, I recommend deleting your account or at the very least deleting your bio names since it gives me WAY too much information about you.   

saxy414

I posted on this board a couple weeks ago with a MOH question--I wasn't sure what to do because my best friend is not the greatest at returning calls and it's really hard for us to get together.  Everyone on this board told me that if she's the closest person to me, to ask her anyway--which I totally plan on doing.  As long as she shows up on time and I get to spend some quality time with her, I'll be happy, because that is all that is "required" of her.  So, I totally understand where you're coming from--I needed to get it through my head too that it didn't matter if she couldn't come to a shower or wasn't able to help out much.  Because IT'S OK.  She should be the closest person to you, to stand up with you when you get married, and that's all that matters.

  I agree it sucks your MOH cancelled on you, but she had a pretty darn good reason.   And maybe work it out so you can spend most of your wedding day with your girls, but don't freak out if they want to go out and do other things while they're in Hawaii--to them, it may not be so much "a trip for my friends wedding" as it is "an awesome opportunity to go to Hawaii, and my friend is also getting married".  Just relax, your girls will be there for you the day of, and that's what you'll really remember.  

bablingbrooke

My sister was my MOH and is infamous on this board for quite possibly being the worst MOH ever.  Not helping me plan was the least of my worries (and not something I could have realistically expected her to do).  Some of her more inglorious moments:

-The BMs offered to pay for her to come on an OOT bach party weekend, all she had to do was show up.  She lied to one BM and said the other two were trying to extort a bunch of money out of her, lied to my mom that the BMs were all telling her to pay or she'd ruin the wedding, lied to me and told me that she was trying to plan something and the others weren't getting involved, and then decided the day before that she wasn't going.  I had no idea until afterward.  My poor BMs were tied up in knots.

-Threw a tantrum right before my shower then started crying that I didn't want her to go and that I thought she'd ruin it.  

-Insulted the priest and rolled her eyes and sighed w/ exasperation all through the rehearsal.

-Insulted my ILs and ignored our extended family at the RD.

-Insulted me in my wedding dress before the wedding.

-Got plastered at the reception and had to be taken home by her boyfriend.

Despite ALL OF THIS, I still had a perfect wedding and would not have done anything different.  She will always be my sister.  Yes, there were moments when I just wanted to strangle her. Yes, I was tempted to just boot her.  But I calmed down, realized that at the end of the day all that mattered was marrying DH, and from start to finish our wedding was wonderful.  This will be true for you too.  And I can honestly look back and say I did the right thing, I was the bigger person, she is the one who looks bad, and I did not create extra drama around the wedding.  I know that if I had kicked her out or started a fight with her that I would regret that.  THAT would have ruined our wedding.   

nmill349

HAHAH these post are funny to me! This lady asked for advice and you all beat her up because she was upset she did not get the support she expected to get. The title of MAID and BRIDESMAID means to ME EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, PHYSICAL support to be up until my big day. I DO NOT require a red carpet to be rolled out for me everytime I asked for my BM's to get together. I DO NOT call them everyday, every week, or every month telling them things I want them to do. I have SOCIAL gatherings every couple of months to discuss certain wedding things! So I believe that YOU my dear should delete YOUR account because I may hurt your feelings. This post tells nothing about me....TRUST ME. But if you want to know anything about me I can make you very familiar with who I am.....respond to that! and my posts are for MISSKRISS....not YOU. Thanks

nmill349

Its ashame that this is supposed to be a website where women can come and get advice, vent, and network but all I seem to read are posts from catty bitches but I wont put who they are. You know who you are....the one's who tell everyone on here they are wrong? Yea...you!

bablingbrooke

We can't all be klassy like you.

nmill349

I guess you can't be CLASSY. Like me huh?

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce01d31a-2324-4b3f-ad4a-0abf530f62e0Post:0bda48d8-e32c-4cce-b802-88e8cfdb25ca">Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues!</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess you can't be CLASSY. Like me huh?
Posted by nmill349[/QUOTE]

<div>*headdesk*</div><div>
</div><div>Wow. You are quite possibly the least convincing troll I have ever come across.</div>

emilyinchile

Hahahaha, yes, clearly the answer is that Brooke doesn't know how to spell "classy" and not that she was making fun of you.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce01d31a-2324-4b3f-ad4a-0abf530f62e0Post:1d59bf03-b760-43e5-8110-06beef6e7479">Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues!</a>:
[QUOTE]Its ashame that this is supposed to be a website where women can come and get advice, vent, and network but all I seem to read are posts from catty bitches but I wont put who they are. You know who you are....the one's who tell everyone on here they are wrong? Yea...you!
Posted by nmill349[/QUOTE]

Personal attacks nmill?  Those will get you banned faster than you can say, "It's my day!"

You don't have to like the advice given here but NO ONE was saying insults to the OP.  They referenced the behavior - not the person.

<strong>Please do the same.   This is your warning.</strong>

And for what it's worth, the ladies here DID give advice.  GIving advice doesn't mean telling the original poster what she wants to hear.  It means being honest and frank and telling it like it is.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce01d31a-2324-4b3f-ad4a-0abf530f62e0Post:4d0ce8ca-53b0-4a18-a785-1e2cfccdc51d">Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues! : Personal attacks nmill?  Those will get you banned faster than you can say, "It's my day!" You don't have to like the advice given here but NO ONE was saying insults to the OP.  They referenced the behavior - not the person. Please do the same.   This is your warning. And for what it's worth, the ladies here DID give advice.  GIving advice doesn't mean telling the original poster what she wants to hear.  It means being honest and frank and telling it like it is.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

<div>There are more where that came from on other threads, banana.</div>

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce01d31a-2324-4b3f-ad4a-0abf530f62e0Post:f0fa1fa5-f240-47cd-b4ee-81bba29a6835">Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues!</a>:
[QUOTE]HAHAH these post are funny to me! This lady asked for advice and you all beat her up because she was upset she did not get the support she expected to get. The title of MAID and BRIDESMAID means to ME EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, PHYSICAL support to be up until my big day. I DO NOT require a red carpet to be rolled out for me everytime I asked for my BM's to get together. I DO NOT call them everyday, every week, or every month telling them things I want them to do. I have SOCIAL gatherings every couple of months to discuss certain wedding things! So I believe that YOU my dear should delete YOUR account because I may hurt your feelings. This post tells nothing about me....TRUST ME. But if you want to know anything about me I can make you very familiar with who I am.....respond to that! and my posts are for MISSKRISS....not YOU. Thanks
Posted by nmill349[/QUOTE]

Wow, you are terribly entitled, aren't you, my dear?  We're all just saying what your WP won't tell you, but that I can promise you they're saying behind your back.  GL with your entourage.

nmill349

ooo banana I am SO scared of getting banned from posting on the knot.com.....omg that will just ruin me....NOT. You can warn all you want. Humor me....

banana468

[QUOTE]ooo banana I am SO scared of getting banned from posting on the knot.com.....omg that will just ruin me....NOT. You can warn all you want. Humor me.... posted by nmill349[/QUOTE]


Nmill, you have taunted posters and hurled insults at me and others on the board.

Those are in violation of Knot rules and regulations.

I'd love it if you were a valued member of the community and if you explained your opnions in ways that were not insulting to others.

Posting on here isn't about agreeing with everyone.  However you have conducted yourself in a way that is not conducive to conversation and instead appears to just stir up trouble with the insults.

If that continues, I'll have to ban you from posting on ALL boards which includes your local and not just the WP board.

Again, you don't need to agree with everyone but you do need to respect what is stated.

I also hope that you do listen to a few of the things on here.  The ladies have great advice and that can lead to a really enjoyable wedding planning experience. 

bablingbrooke

nmill, what are you, 12?  I still call troll.  No one real person could actually be this contrary and immature.

ladydiy2004

No I feel the same way it is your wedding!! Most people on here do not know what it means to be a MOH!! or sadly they dont have any close friends. Try googling MOH responsibilities maybe that will help you. But either way your MOH shouldnt be off sightseeing the day before your wedding in Hawaii!

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce01d31a-2324-4b3f-ad4a-0abf530f62e0Post:9feeea4f-3d89-41f8-8b8c-0b11c1b6556a">Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues!</a>:
[QUOTE]No I feel the same way it is your wedding!! Most people on here do not know what it means to be a MOH!! or sadly they dont have any close friends. Try googling MOH responsibilities maybe that will help you. But either way your MOH shouldnt be off sightseeing the day before your wedding in Hawaii!
Posted by ladydiy2004[/QUOTE]

Ladydiy2004, I don't know that you can speak for the ladies here.

Many know what it means to THEM To be MOH - and what they'd do if THEY were MOH.

However there's a huge difference between what they WOULD do and what they HAVE to do.  The responsibilities are buying the dressing and being there on the big day.

And one can google the responsibilities of MOH but they're generally on websites designed to generate revenue - so the listing is a bit slanted.  Take it with a grain of salt.

That the OP's MOH wants to enjoy a Hawaiian vacation should NOT be an issue. The OP is asking her friends to incur a HUGE expense by having a DW in Hawaii.  It only seams reasonable that her BP should be able to enjoy themselves as they incur the expense. 

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce01d31a-2324-4b3f-ad4a-0abf530f62e0Post:9feeea4f-3d89-41f8-8b8c-0b11c1b6556a">Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues!</a>:
[QUOTE] But either way your MOH shouldnt be off sightseeing the day before your wedding in Hawaii!
Posted by ladydiy2004[/QUOTE]

<div>Why not?  The bride will presumably be busy with other things and other people.  MOH is on "on duty" for the whole vacation. </div>

bablingbrooke

I dunno banana--I know I believe everything I see online...I mean, if it wasn't true, google wouldn't bring it up in a search!  Right?  Right?!

banana468

RIght - and see what Urban Dictionary says about your name.  :-)

bablingbrooke

Haha I did that during the Facebook urban dictionary week.  The internet told me to!

susiejordanwedding

Ok, here's my take on your situation. If I were in your shoes, I would feel the exact same way! 

It wasn't very nice of her to cancel on your regarding the wedding dress search, obviously you value her opinion. Over a college game? Seriously?

As far as the day before the wedding, my cousin did the exact same thing. And honestly, we have a load of fun! If she wants to ditch out, then really it's her loss. Just let her go and don't let her ruin it for you and the other BMs. 

And in regards to the invitation "party" I would just let everyone know you're looking for some help, but they aren't obligated. If they really can come, they will. 

In all, I wouldn't "fire" her, but maybe ask someone else to help you out a little more. I was my sister's "honorary Maid of Honor", basically all the help you'd expect (you and me that is) from  a MOH, just without the official title. Only thing I didn't do was throw her the shower. 

Good luck to you tho! 

kimmybennett

To MissKrisFaye: I understand what you are saying, and I'm sad that so many people on here and being rude and not helpful. Not many even answered your question, they are just forcing their opinions on you. I would seek advice from others around you who know you and care enough about you not to be rude. Good luck.

katiebianchini

OMG! that's horrible.  Well my names Katie and I know you do not know me, but you need to straight up tell her that you chose her to be your maid of honor for a reason. you definitely should put her in her place and let her know that it is your day not hers.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce01d31a-2324-4b3f-ad4a-0abf530f62e0Post:9ff2c8bc-24fc-460c-a73e-57fb456b0ae1">Re: Help! Maid of Honor issues!</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG! that's horrible.  Well my names Katie and I know you do not know me, but you need to straight up tell her that you chose her to be your maid of honor for a reason. you definitely should put her in her place and let her know that it is your day not hers.
Posted by katiebianchini[/QUOTE]

<div>That's terrible advice.  </div>