Asked Party too Early, HELP!

moxi84

I asked my bridal party before we had our location firmly set. We originally planned to have our wedding in our home town, but after trying to travel home and plan from a grand distance, we decided to have our wedding where we currently live.  The problem is, it will include major travel for people who attend from our home town: airfare, hotel, etc. There are a few of my BM's and my MOH, that will not be hindered, but I know that there are a couple girls that this will put a strain on.  I don't know how to tell them about the change of location and letting them know that they can backout from committing to the bridal party and therefore a major financial commitment too, without offending me.  They are my frineds and I love them, but I feel asking a few of them to commit so much fiancially is just too much. I would rather have them just be there at the wedding if they can without feeling they HAVE to be there if it is beyond their means.

I was thinking of sending them an email as a group, letting them know about the change.  I'm thinking this may be the best way to address it because they will see that I'm addressing everyone with my concern, and that it won't come across like I'm trying to politely ask them to not be in the bridal party.  At first I was going to tell them individually, but when it came to the girls that I know probably won't be able to make it, I worried that it may seem like I was singling them out. 

So my question is should I go for addressing them as a group or as individuals? I have to let them know that the location has changed, along with the expense that will come with being a member of the bridal party. I love my firends and want them to be there, but I don't want them to feel pressured to do something beyond their means. Thanks!

MyNameIsNot

Ditto PPs.  I think you should call them and let them know about the change of plans. For those that you think will have a problem, ask them if they think they can make the trip, and offer to help them out with travel expenses as much as you can, either get a hotel room for the group or offer them a place to stay with you.  

lizziemoopsc

It sounds like you've asked these people because they really mean something to you, which is great! I've heard of some bms not being able to make it to the ceremony and they were included in the program anyway, because of their relationship with the bride. So, if someone can't come (which would definitely suck) maybe you could still consider "including" them anyway, but it's completely up to you.

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asked-party-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce6028fc-25b3-4891-a626-9d1f4b5aacfcPost:3a21ba23-5d48-4d38-b21a-830dcac192ac">Re: Asked Party too Early, HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds like you've asked these people because they really mean something to you, which is great! I've heard of some bms not being able to make it to the ceremony and they were included in the program anyway, because of their relationship with the bride. So, if someone can't come (which would definitely suck) maybe you could still consider "including" them anyway, but it's completely up to you.
Posted by lizziemoopsc[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.  If the only financial constraint beyond travel is the dress - you can find a cheaper dress.  You love these girls and want them to be in your WP - why not do it?  Maybe make them know that they don't have to be there for ALL of the events so there isn't too much pressure. 

JennaV26

I agree that you should talk to each girl individually so that they can express any concerns they have right off the bat. I feel bad saying this but I have to warn you not to offer to help pay for things if you don't think you'll have the budget for it. If you do have the budget, great, offer away! But if you know that might be stretching your budget too thin you might just wait until they ask for help, that way you're not stuck paying for 5 hotel rooms!

That being said I'm definitely in a similair situation. I'm in DFW and 5 out of 7 of my bridesmaids are OOT (Chicago, Kansas City, IRELAND, Nebraska, Oklahoma) and they were all still very excited to be in my wedding! I wouldn't worry about it so much!

moxi84

Thanks for the advice so far. Let me add the final dimension to the question:

There was only one of my maids who was kind of wierd about being in the party to begin with. She said yes, but it did not seem sincere.  When I tried to talk to her about it she said that she wouldn't have said yes if she didn't want to. But it still doesn't sit right. One of our mutual friends said she was worried about money. To be honset, it is really this one BM that I'm worried about. Now that the location has changed it has added even more stress to the akward situaltion..

brandibooh

Call them individually and don't assume they can or can't do it.  Give them the information and let them decide.

moxi84

Thanks for the advice!

aerinpegadrak

We changed our destination after we'd asked everyone.  I don't really remember how we notified everyone that it was going to be different, probably just came up in conversation.  We ended up helping out a few people with travel expenses in order to get them all there (loaned my brother and his wife airfare, gave gas money and booked a hotel for MOH, her husband, and the BM they carpooled with). 

If you don't make a big deal about it, your attendants probably won't either.  Just be chill, and be understanding if the new plans mean they can no longer attend.