His sister needs a wedding task!

beantobe

!

tidetravel

#1 - she's your sister, so you may as well get used to it.  (this also means no childish games - she did this so I'm going to retaliate)

#2 - if FI wants her to be in the wedding, she can stand up for him on HIS side

#3 - Family does not = automatic placement in the wedding party.  If you two decide NOT to have her in the WP, and someone mentions it, HE needs to be the one to inform them that the WP was already chosen. 

#4 - you don't need even sides.  WP members are not props - you don't "fill in slots."

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_his-bitchyjealous-sister-needs-wedding-task?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce84cf18-7727-43af-b502-71558fbfc114Post:b61dd9bc-7a51-4d44-a0fb-18b144bab34b">His bitchy/jealous sister needs a wedding task!</a>:
[QUOTE] Two days after we were engaged his step sister was already telling people that she probably won't even be included in the wedding because of me. I have NEVER done anything to her nor have I talked bad about her but, because she has done that to me I feel no need to have her in my bridal party. She is very jealous of the way I get along so well and fit in the family.  She also made sure to say that she should be the one getting married not us because she is older than us. She is very negative and never has anything nice to say. My man threw it out there that I could ask her to be a bridesmaid because I need one more for it to be balanced. I took it nicely but was fuming inside. What are some other tasks that she can do to still feel included. I despise the thought of having to look at her in my wedding photos. Please help.
Posted by beantobe[/QUOTE]

JIC

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_his-bitchyjealous-sister-needs-wedding-task?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce84cf18-7727-43af-b502-71558fbfc114Post:b61dd9bc-7a51-4d44-a0fb-18b144bab34b">His bitchy/jealous sister needs a wedding task!</a>:
[QUOTE] Two days after we were engaged his step sister was already telling people that she probably won't even be included in the wedding because of me. I have NEVER done anything to her nor have I talked bad about her but, because she has done that to me I feel no need to have her in my bridal party. She is very jealous of the way I get along so well and fit in the family.  She also made sure to say that she should be the one getting married not us because she is older than us. She is very negative and never has anything nice to say. My man threw it out there that I could ask her to be a bridesmaid because I need one more for it to be balanced. I took it nicely but was fuming inside. What are some other tasks that she can do to still feel included. I despise the thought of having to look at her in my wedding photos. Please help.
Posted by beantobe[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Sides don't need to be even. Have her stand on your FI's side since it's his sister. You can have males on the bride's side and females on the groom's side. And one more thing: calling her bitchy is really immature. Even if she IS bitchy, she IS also going to be in your family. 

</div>

mbcdefg

When are you getting married? Unless you're about 10 months out or less from your wedding, don't even worry about a bridal party right now. Don't ask anyone until you get within 8-10 months out, otherwise you may regret it.

How old is she? If she's under maybe 22, then this is probably just par for the course with her age. If she's older and not married, then maybe she is just jealous.
It sounds like your FI wants her in the bridal party. If it's his sister and he wants to include her, then she ought to be in it. (But NOT just to keep the sides even ... your FI is wrong about that. Sides do NOT need to be even. She should be in the bridal party if he wants her to be in it.)

She's going to be in your wedding photos no matter what, because she is an immediate family member. And leaving her out will probably cause more problems than it will prevent. Her role in the wedding is one day, but she will be part of your family for a VERY long time. So try and get that family unity off on the right foot.

You have a few options:

* ask her to be a bridesmaid. Expect nothing more from her (and from every other bridesmaid) than to get the dress and show up to the wedding. That way, if she only does that then you will not be disappointed, and if she volunteers to do more then you will be pleasantly surprised.

* you and your fiance can each ask your own people to be your own attendants. If he wants her in the wedding, she can wear a black dress and stand on his side. If you have a brother or guy friend/cousin that you want to include, have him stand on your side. That way, you don't have to deal with people you each aren't friends with. Your sides do not need to be even. Unbalanced and/or mixed-gender bridal parties are incredibly common.

* ask her to do a reading. This is really one of the only "jobs" you can give her that isn't a grunt-work job. Things like guest book attendant, gift watcher, program passer-outer, personal attendant, cake cutter, etc. ... those are crap jobs where the people KNOW that you gave them a pity position to shut them up. And if FSIL already has an attitude, then that will just make it worse.

* just let her be a guest. Decide if this is a battle you want to fight with her and your in-laws. No, you are not obligated to make her a bridesmaid (or a groomswoman), but realize that this is a HUGE slap in the face to some families (others couldn't care less). Even if your FI is the one to decide that she shouldn't be involved, realize that a lot of people will blame YOU for it. Decide if that's a risk worth taking. My opinion - if it avoids drama, just let it go and do what they want. Like I said, it's a role that only lasts a few hours ... not worth years and years of family feuds.

I personally think that asking her to stand as your FI's attendant is the best move, personally. It includes her and it still keeps her out of YOUR hair. In the meantime, be the bigger person and be polite to her on the occasions where you have to talk to her. Ignore her attitude and smile through it. Even if she deserves to be excluded from the wedding or to get an attitude from you in return, your in-laws will not see it that way and will always take her side. Save yourself the aggravation.

saxy414

Mbcd just said everything I would want to say, but a whole lot better.  You might as well make the best of the situation and try to include her in some way (like on HIS side), she's going to be your sister, and you'll be family for a long time.

lalap69

Ditto malphabet 100%.

suz62984

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_his-bitchyjealous-sister-needs-wedding-task?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ce84cf18-7727-43af-b502-71558fbfc114Post:1ccaf6f7-b22d-4f74-8a21-c5faba810c15">Re: His bitchy/jealous sister needs a wedding task!</a>:
[QUOTE] If it's his sister and he wants to include her, then she ought to be in it. (But NOT just to keep the sides even ... your FI is wrong about that. Sides do NOT need to be even. She should be in the bridal party if he wants her to be in it.) She's going to be in your wedding photos no matter what, because she is an immediate family member. And leaving her out will probably cause more problems than it will prevent. Her role in the wedding is one day, but she will be part of your family for a VERY long time. So try and get that family unity off on the right foot. You have a few options: 
* you and your fiance can each ask your own people to be your own attendants. If he wants her in the wedding, she can wear a black dress and stand on his side. If you have a brother or guy friend/cousin that you want to include, have him stand on your side. That way, you don't have to deal with people you each aren't friends with. Your sides do not need to be even . Unbalanced and/or mixed-gender bridal parties are incredibly common.
* ask her to do a reading. This is really one of the only "jobs" you can give her that isn't a grunt-work job. Things like guest book attendant, gift watcher, program passer-outer, personal attendant, cake cutter, etc. ... those are crap jobs where the people KNOW that you gave them a pity position to shut them up. And if FSIL already has an attitude, then that will just make it worse. Posted by mbcdefg[/QUOTE]

MBC put it very well. I like these two options. They are exactly what I would have said. If FI didn't want her on his side I would go for the reading.

MyNameIsNot

Ditto malphabet.  

And she's going to be in your pictures anyway.  She's your FSIL.