Need Some Advice. . .

starnern

I've been reading on here about what brides are supposed to provide for their wedding party as far as 'requirements'.  I'm having my 3 best friends stand up with me for my wedding next February, they all have purchased their dresses.  My mom is making all the jewelry for the girls and I to wear (her gift to all of us).  The only thing I asked was that they wear silver shoes, it can be what ever style that they prefer.  Because I'm specifying color do I need to pay for them or because I'm letting them pick the style they will more than likely be able to wear them again. 

Any advice would be helpful, I figure I'd better as now so if I need to pay for them I've got time to budget the money. . . .

OliveOilsMom

You don't need to purchase them the shoes.  You stated a color, if your BMs happen to have that color, they can wear shoes they already own. 

As for the jewelry your mom is making, that is not their gift for being in the WP, is it?  A gift that is to be worn on the wedding day, is not actually a gift.  I gave all my girls individual pendant necklaces, but I tailored them to their own tastes and told them they didn't need to be worn at the wedding.  My sister ended up wearing hers, but it wasn't a requirement. 

bunni727

I think you are fine specifying color and not paying for them.

starnern

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cef27b53-a24a-42c9-971e-1b66766f97a8Post:49568266-fcaa-4b01-89ef-dcf5a16d7241">Re: Need Some Advice. . .</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't need to purchase them the shoes.  You stated a color, if your BMs happen to have that color, they can wear shoes they already own.  As for the jewelry your mom is making, that is not their gift for being in the WP, is it?  A gift that is to be worn on the wedding day, is not actually a gift.  I gave all my girls individual pendant necklaces, but I tailored them to their own tastes and told them they didn't need to be worn at the wedding.  My sister ended up wearing hers, but it wasn't a requirement. 
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

No the jewelry is my mom's gift to us.  I'm still trying to figure out what their gifts from me will be, thank goodness I've still got lots of time. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /> 

MyNameIsNot

Your're good.  If you just pick the color, you don't have to pay.  The rational is that they can wear something they already own, borrow something, or if they do buy something, they set the budget and choose it.  

If you chose a specific shoe or gave specific requirements (e.g. dayglow orange) that pretty much forced them to buy something, then you'd have to pay.  

tonya246

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cef27b53-a24a-42c9-971e-1b66766f97a8Post:49568266-fcaa-4b01-89ef-dcf5a16d7241">Re: Need Some Advice. . .</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't need to purchase them the shoes.  You stated a color, if your BMs happen to have that color, they can wear shoes they already own.  As for the jewelry your mom is making, that is not their gift for being in the WP, is it?  A gift that is to be worn on the wedding day, is not actually a gift.  I gave all my girls individual pendant necklaces, but I tailored them to their own tastes and told them they didn't need to be worn at the wedding.  My sister ended up wearing hers, but it wasn't a requirement. 
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

I have been in 4 weddings before as a BM and at least 2 my gift was a necklace and earings to wear the day of. Its crazy how alot of people do that. I don't plan on doing that for my wedding, I will probably give them jewerly, but I believe they need a little extra thing ontop of it.

librababy

Ok see, I am specifying type of shoes and color and I will not be paying. I have been in a wedding as a MOH and I had to buy the dress and the specific type of shoes to match (none of which I wore again) and I had to pay for them myself.

As for gifts, well again I am going against norm. I am giving my BP jewelry to wear IN the wedding as their gifts. And for my girls, that is enough. They are SUPER honored to be in my wedding. They don't expect gifts. At all. It'll be an extra for them. lso planning to host a brunch a well.  I am on a TIGHT budget so for me, that will have to do. 

So my answer to you is no, you don't have to pay for their shoes. 

laurenoliveira23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cef27b53-a24a-42c9-971e-1b66766f97a8Post:f758954e-258c-4643-a50b-02f76dbe2e14">Re: Need Some Advice. . .</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok see, I am specifying type of shoes and color and I will not be paying. I have been in a wedding as a MOH and I had to buy the dress and the specific type of shoes to match (none of which I wore again) and I had to pay for them myself. As for gifts, well again I am going against norm. I am giving my BP jewelry to wear IN the wedding as their gifts. And for my girls, that is enough. They are SUPER honored to be in my wedding. They don't expect gifts. At all. It'll be an extra for them. lso planning to host a brunch a well.  I am on a TIGHT budget so for me, that will have to do.  So my answer to you is no, you don't have to pay for their shoes. 
Posted by librababy[/QUOTE]

lol i feel like my entire family goes against the norm . i am also a bridesmaid in a wedding and have "duties" , paid for my dress, and paid for my shoes that i was specifically told to buy :P 

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_need-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cef27b53-a24a-42c9-971e-1b66766f97a8Post:f758954e-258c-4643-a50b-02f76dbe2e14">Re: Need Some Advice. . .</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok see, I am specifying type of shoes and color and I will not be paying. I have been in a wedding as a MOH and I had to buy the dress and the specific type of shoes to match (none of which I wore again) and I had to pay for them myself. As for gifts, well again I am going against norm. I am giving my BP jewelry to wear IN the wedding as their gifts. And for my girls, that is enough. They are SUPER honored to be in my wedding. They don't expect gifts. At all. It'll be an extra for them. lso planning to host a brunch a well.  I am on a TIGHT budget so for me, that will have to do.  So my answer to you is no, you don't have to pay for their shoes. 
Posted by librababy[/QUOTE]

Being super honored to be in your wedding is no reason to give them a list of requirements.  A gift with strings attached is no present.

aug2013

I think (and I could be wrong.....) that a lot of who buys what and what is required depends on the region of the country if that makes any sense. I'm from the northeast, specifically, Boston and I feel like it's totally normal that the bridesmaids buy their dresses, shoes, etc to what the bride asks and that the jewelry for the wedding is often times the gift with maybe something small on the side. Maybe I'm being genuinely naive but that just seems perfectly normal to me. I purchased my bridesmaid dresses and earrings for them so they just had to buy shoes. I'm unsure if I'll be giving more as a present . I hope to but that will really be budget dependent. 

pessint10

I am kind of in this same situation. I have 2 bridesmaids and my sister is my maid-of-honor. I asked that they wear silver shoes and one of them is fine with it.

My sister, who is older than me and has not lifted a finger, is refusing to wear silver. She wants to wear black shoes with a navy dress. I talked to my mom about her not doing anything and refusing to wear silver shoes, even if it is just for pictures and the ceremony but my mom makes excuses for her. So much so that I was not going to get a bridal shower unless my FMIL hosted it. Thankfully she did and we had an awesome time.

My other bridesmaid has huge feet and has trouble finding shoes that fit but I know for a fact there are places she can get them, I think she is tight on cash and doesn't want to buy a new pair.

Any advice? Do I stick to my guns or should I give in? Thus far, they haven't had to do anything and got to pick out the style of their dress.... I am tired of having to worry about these little details, I have too much to worry about! I am trying to graduate college, get married and move within 3 weeks!