WP issues..

luvthebride11

FI and I were supposed to get married June 2010, do to financial reasons we've postponed a year, we are very happy we did because stress is not an issue anymore...

Anyways, since we told everyone that we were moving it back(told them in Jan)..

1.My MOH hasn't spoken to me, come to see me, or even called me. I'm pretty sure we're really not even friends anymore. We had been bickering since I got engaged and I think she only talked to me because she was in the wedding...not real sure but Im pretty positive she's not in my wedding anymore( I think its kinda like Lauren and Heidi, from the Hills, except im Lauren and shes Heidi and the guy she was seeing was wrong for her and treated her terrible)

2. We had a huge falling out with FFIL, mainly FSIL and we kicked her out of our wedding(we never wanted her in the wedding, FMIL said she'd pay for some of the wedding if FSIL was in the wedding, so we said okay) but now that we are paying for it all, we got sick of her trying to make this day about her[sidenote] we had already changed the date of the wedding for her because her boyfriend couldnt make it on the first date we wanted!]

So now, my wedding party is uneven 5 groomsmen and 3 bridesmaids, im not worried about it but we only wanted 4 each to begin with and then we added FSIL, so then we added a cousin[to each have 5]

well i had to cut it somewhere because i couldnt have all our friends standing up there with us...but I have some friends that I would love to be in my WP, do I ask them now or will that look bad? 

Not sure what to do? Help!

emilyinchile

First things first: don't kick out your MOH. Your wedding is in over a year, you have no idea how your relationship could change between then and now. Keep trying to be her friend, and if as your wedding gets closer she pulls out, that's fine. Kicking her out, especially now when you've got so much time to repair the friendship, is a bridezilla move, even if she's the one who's being a bad friend.

Secondly, your WP doesn't need to be even. People are more important than numbers, and there's no reason you and your FI must have the exact same number of best friends. If you think you'd like to ask more people, considering how much time you have left I think it would be ok to talk to them in a few months (not now! you've already got MOH drama, no need to ask more people this early) and say something like "Jenny, since we pushed the wedding back I've had time to think about who and what is really important, and I was wondering if you'd be a BM." Ask all the people that you consider your bestest friends and can't imagine not having by your side on your wedding day, regardless of numbers.

The FSIL issue...honestly, you guys have set yourselves up for a lifetime of family drama, even if she was being a brat. Take the next year to try to make up for it. And no one can make your wedding about them unless you let them. Plenty of people will try, so you and FI need to learn how to smile politely and say "we'll think about it" before doing what you want.

gottahavashorti

1 - It's possible that she'll remove herself from the wedding, but don't kick her out.

2 - You should not have kicked out FSIL, she's family and it's not a good idea to give someone the boot in the first place.  You'll probably hear about it for many holidays to come.  It might not be a bad idea to apologize to her for kicking her out, just tell her you don't know what you were thinking and ask if she would like to be in the wedding again.

Bonus - It's not too late to ask additional BMs, but since it sounds like your WP has been established for awhile.  Personally, I'd ask more if your relationships with them have grown closer since you asked your original WP, but otherwise I wonder if it would come off as wanting them to be replacement BMs (even if that's not true).

SarahPLiz

Ditto PPs.

And I don't get the Hills analogy at all. maybe Im just old.

luvthebride11

thats what im worried about to...I dont care that the parties are uneven, they would have been anyways because we have 8 ushers and 5 groomsmen but anyways... 

I dont want the girls to feel like they are "back-ups" i guess because thats not the case..a few i have grown closer with since being engaged but i had to draw the line somewhere. 

mags0607

I think that since you have pushed the date back, that in this instance it would be okay to ask additional friends, especially if you have grown closer to them since you asked your initial party. For example, IF we were to push our date back say another year, I would probably add one of my very close friends to the WP. She and I have grown very close since I got engaged 6 months ago, but we barely knew each other back then.

If you have a situation such as that, I don't think it would be a terrible idea to ask friends you would want to stand up for you now.

As for your MOH, give it time, if you are still ready to end the friendship a few months down the line, then do so. If you end the friendship, then she will realize she isn't in the wedding party anymore. But be certain this is something you won't change your mind on months down the line, because you really can;t go back from there. I wouldn't use your wedding, or kicking her out of it, as the way to end the friendship, as that will look bad on you, whether its warranted or not.

Remove the wedding aspect, and then determine if you really want to end the friendship.

As for FSIL, I'm afraid you and your Fi have your work cut out for you with his side of the family. GL.

mbcdefg

I think it'd be O.K. to ask more people ... but since you've had so many problems with the MOH and SIL, I would personally not recommend it, because it seems like potential for MORE drama. If it were me, I think I'd just ask the newer friends to do readings or just enjoy themselves as guests.

I would also not recommend kicking your MOH out. Try and repair the friendship, and find out why she's avoiding you.

I would also STRONGLY recommend trying to patch things up with FSIL. Her role in the wedding is only for a few hours, but she'll be part of your new family for decades to come.

CTGirl30

1. Do you want to be friends with MOH anymore? If so, seek her out and work on whatever issues got between you two. Hopefully you can reconcile your friendship - if you both want that - and if not....well then, if you end the friendship then she pretty much isn't in the wedding anymore and that sorts itself out that way. But take the wedding part out of the equation and think about how you want to proceed with her as friends.

2. It would really be in your best interest to try and fix the relationship with FSIL and the inlaws...kicking someone out of the WP is a very insulting, hurtful thing to do and rarely does the bride come out looking favorable in most cases. COnsidering that she'll be family for as long as you're married to your FI (meaning you'll see her at holidays and other family gatherings)....it would be a good idea to be the bigger person and apologize for that - try to make amends. Mistake #1 was allowing yourself to be bribed by FMIL but what's done is done and now you can only move fwd and try to repair some of the damage.

3. Since the wedding is now another year out, I agree with PPs that you could ask the friends whom you'd really like to be part of the WP if you want w.o it looking like last minute add-ons. But given your drama with MOH and FSIL already...I'd ask myself if you're maybe setting yourself up for more drama or if you shouldn't just leave things as they are.  Guest is an honor as well.