BM drama!!

Sierra524

Okay, maybe its not really drama...but I do need advice.
A month ago I made an appointment for all my BMs to go try on dresses next saturday (feb 16) at 4pm. I made the appointment for this day & time for multiple reasons.
1. My MOH is coming in from out of town & that is the only weekend she will be here until April.
2. All of my girls have off work on Saturday afternoons.
3. My best friend (also a BM) works until 215pm, but I made the appointment for 4pm so she could be there with us.
Well, yesterday I realized the 16th was in a week!! I sent a quick text to my girls just saying "dont forget, next saturday at 4pm at davids bridal" & dont you know, my best friend texted me back saying "oh, I have to work 11-7 that day" WHAT?! I made the appointment with her in mind because she normally works until 215 only. So I asked her what happened & she said "they changed her schedule bc somebody else has something to do that day". Now, in that moment, I was so mad. I simply said "well, you couldve told them that you have plans that day too." She kept texting me but I didnt respond for like an hour or so, because I just needed time to think & calm down. Why didnt she tell me this before I said something?!
After some time to think, I texted her back and said "Dont worry about it. Me & you will go on Sunday, or sometime during the week without the others."
Well, she just texted me saying that she switched her schedule & is now working her normal shift until 215pm. I responded with "Really, if its going to cause a problem for you or if its a big deal, dont worry about it. Its not a big deal for us to go up seperately" and all she responded with was "its whatever". Great, so now she is mad at me about all of this.
How should I handle this?

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:ad2e1dc5-298b-48ee-a5f1-cadda6bb7fa5">BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, maybe its not really drama...but I do need advice. A month ago I made an appointment for all my BMs to go try on dresses next saturday (feb 16) at 4pm. I made the appointment for this day & time for multiple reasons. 1. My MOH is coming in from out of town & that is the only weekend she will be here until April. 2. All of my girls have off work on Saturday afternoons. 3. My best friend (also a BM) works until 215pm, but I made the appointment for 4pm so she could be there with us. Well, yesterday I realized the 16th was in a week!! I sent a quick text to my girls just saying "dont forget, next saturday at 4pm at davids bridal" & dont you know, my best friend texted me back saying "oh, I have to work 11-7 that day" WHAT?! I made the appointment with her in mind because she normally works until 215 only. So I asked her what happened & she said "they changed her schedule bc somebody else has something to do that day". Now, in that moment, I was so mad. I simply said "well, you couldve told them that you have plans that day too." She kept texting me but I didnt respond for like an hour or so, because I just needed time to think & calm down. Why didnt she tell me this before I said something?! After some time to think, I texted her back and said "Dont worry about it. Me & you will go on Sunday, or sometime during the week without the others." Well, she just texted me saying that she switched her schedule & is now working her normal shift until 215pm. I responded with "Really, if its going to cause a problem for you or if its a big deal, dont worry about it. Its not a big deal for us to go up seperately" and all she responded with was "its whatever". Great, so now she is mad at me about all of this. How should I handle this?
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't stress too much.  You had a minor freak out.  It happens to the best of us. 

I would call your friend up, not text, and apologize for your mini bridal freakout.  Tell her that whatever works best for her works best for you.  Also let her know that the next time a bridezilla type of moment appears (because there will be others) to let you know so you can both laugh at the craziness of it all.

beardownbchs

You apologize for being upset in the moment and thank her for changing her schedule for you.

Then move on.

Sierra524

Can I please add that she was just complaining to me about how she "doesnt have money for a bm dress right now"....I just saw on FB that she booked a plan ticket to Vegas, in 20 days. Ugh.

itzMS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:046b352b-3c5b-4ac0-b862-a24554ee3aa3">Re: BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I please add that she was just complaining to me about how she "doesnt have money for a bm dress right now"....I just saw on FB that she booked a plan ticket to Vegas, in 20 days. Ugh.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

How she wants to spend her money is up to her, not you.

I don't know about anyone else, but I NEVER <em>want </em>to spend money on a DB bridesmaid dress, even though I do have the money. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> 

I would doubt many people are "thrilled" to go try on overpriced DB bridesmaid dresses that they'll never wear again, so I think you should be a bit more tolerant.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:046b352b-3c5b-4ac0-b862-a24554ee3aa3">Re: BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I please add that she was just complaining to me about how she "doesnt have money for a bm dress right now"....I just saw on FB that she booked a plan ticket to Vegas, in 20 days. Ugh.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

By adding this you are just verging more and more into the bridezilla realm.

I would just ignore her comments about her money woes.  I would also not say anything about her buying a ticket to Vegas but can't afford a dress.  You can't tell people how they should spend their money.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:33d0a3a5-b2fc-44d3-8cb6-6a2c77eff157">Re: BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM drama!! : How she wants to spend her money is up to her, not you.<strong> I don't know about anyone else, but I NEVER want to spend money on a DB bridesmaid dress, even though I do have the money.</strong>   I would doubt many people are "thrilled" to go try on overpriced DB bridesmaid dresses that they'll never wear again, so I think you should be a bit more tolerant.
Posted by itzMS[/QUOTE]

This is a very good point.  I still have a balance remaining on the $230 BM dress that I have to wear in April.  I would have much rather spent that money on something for myself then a BM dress that I will never wear again.  But I bought it for my friend because that was the dress she wanted us to wear.  Was I thrilled? No, but I did it all the same.

Sierra524

Holy Crap!! $230 for a BM dress?! That is crazy! I thought that they were alot cheaper. Im not going to bring it up to her, even tho it does upset me a little. As long as she has the dress for the day of the wedding, I dont really care. I just hate when she complains to me about her money problems all the time (she lives next door to me so we see each other ALOT) but yet, tells me how she is going to Vegas. How she wants to spend her money is completely up to her. But, I dont wanna hear about how she is "so broke" all the time. I guess all I can do is suck it up and listen to her complain about it everyday. I want to tell her that its probably not a good idea to go to vegas if your always so broke, but I wont. I just needed to vent!  

LDubHawksFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:0dd2e5ad-a57b-469b-8a33-cff80fb03b65">Re: BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Holy Crap!! $230 for a BM dress?! That is crazy! I thought that they were alot cheaper. Im not going to bring it up to her, even tho it does upset me a little. As long as she has the dress for the day of the wedding, I dont really care. I just hate when she complains to me about her money problems all the time (she lives next door to me so we see each other ALOT) but yet, tells me how she is going to Vegas. How she wants to spend her money is completely up to her. But, I dont wanna hear about how she is "so broke" all the time. I guess all I can do is suck it up and listen to her complain about it everyday. I want to tell her that its probably not a good idea to go to vegas if your always so broke, but I wont. I just needed to vent!  
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

Don't judge how she spends her money.  It's easy to do.  My best friend has some spending tendencies that I question, but never out loud. 
When she became a BM she knew she would have to pay for the dress.  Since you seemed surprised about $230 on a BM dress (which is much more than I would like to spend, but have before), make sure that you ask each girl her budget before your DB apt next weekend.  They have some more reasonable priced ones there (my BM dresses were $139), but you should know before so you don't have them trying on a bunch of expensive ones that may cause some of them to worry about finances even more.

TheVirginians

Don't worry about DB. My daughter's girls chose a $99 one as a backup in case there was a problem with their first choice at another shop. Look at their website at $99 BM dresses. As far as your friend, relax and smile.

Sierra524

Well I am letting them pick their own style of dress. I only ask that they are all the same color & short in length. Doing this is also my way of letting them decide how much they want to spend. I already told them if they know their personal budget for a dress, do not pick a style that is out of that budget. Some of the girls are able to afford a little more than others, but I thought this was a way for them to decide how much they want to spend. If someone wants to spend $230, thats fine. But if someone else's budget is only $130, thats okay too. They just cant pick a dress that is out of their personal budgets.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:0dd2e5ad-a57b-469b-8a33-cff80fb03b65">Re: BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Holy Crap!! $230 for a BM dress?! That is crazy! I thought that they were alot cheaper. Im not going to bring it up to her, even tho it does upset me a little. As long as she has the dress for the day of the wedding, I dont really care. I just hate when she complains to me about her money problems all the time (she lives next door to me so we see each other ALOT) but yet, tells me how she is going to Vegas. How she wants to spend her money is completely up to her. But, I dont wanna hear about how she is "so broke" all the time. I guess all I can do is suck it up and listen to her complain about it everyday. I want to tell her that its probably not a good idea to go to vegas if your always so broke, but I wont. I just needed to vent!  
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

We didn't get our BM dresses from DB but yeah it is quite a bit, but what is done is done.

As for your friend constantly complaining about her money.  As a friend you can say something to her about the fact that it bugs you to hear her constantly complain.  Don't bring up the wedding at all though and don't tell her your feelings on her spending habits.  But if it bugs you then you should be able to tell her that.  I have a friend who complains constantly about how busy her life is and how she just doesn't have time for things and blah blah blah.  I listen to her but I tend to tone her out after awhile.  Everyone has busy lives but she makes it seem like she is the only one.  It drives me a bit nutty but I have just learned to ignore it.  And if I can't I have just learned to change the subject to something else.  I can definitely understand where you are coming from though.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:77365487-bac6-476d-99a2-7b43866c6bc5">Re: BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]All your ladies do not have to go at once to get their dresses.  <strong>It's unreasonable to expect a group of women to have the same schedule in this day and age</strong>.  It's great if they do, but life often gets in the way.  I agree that she should have notified you as soon as she knew. <strong>Ask them for their budgets, then select styles in that price range.</strong>  Most designers offer coordinating separates in your wedding color (each lady selects the skirt and bodice style she likes).  That's a nice choice for them, and makes the wedding party look interesting instead of cookie-cutter. To the person above - $230 for a bridesmaid's dress is outrageous!
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

1) I completely understand that it is almost impossible to get all of the girls together at once. But when I made the appointment, at that time, everybody was available for that day & time. I understand that life happens & things come up, but she def should have told me sooner.
2) they are choosing their own styles. I dont want them all to wear the same dress, because the same exact dress is not going to look good on everybody. I want them to feel good, look good & be comfortable. So instead of me choosing a dress that may only look good on 1 or 2 of the girls & is an outrageous price, I am letting them pick the price & the style.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:77365487-bac6-476d-99a2-7b43866c6bc5">Re: BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]All your ladies do not have to go at once to get their dresses.  It's unreasonable to expect a group of women to have the same schedule in this day and age.  It's great if they do, but life often gets in the way.  I agree that she should have notified you as soon as she knew. Ask them for their budgets, then select styles in that price range.  Most designers offer coordinating separates in your wedding color (each lady selects the skirt and bodice style she likes).  That's a nice choice for them, and makes the wedding party look interesting instead of cookie-cutter. <strong>To the person above - $230 for a bridesmaid's dress is outrageous!
</strong>Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

If it was a dress I could wear again and again I wouldn't have cared about the price but it is light pink with a corset back so I don't forsee myself wearing it again to anything.

My budget was $200.  I know my friend and I know she tends to go on the expensive side of things and financially I can do it.  When we were first looking she pulled a Lazaro dress that cost $375.  Both her sister and I were like "hell no!"

slgirl21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:046b352b-3c5b-4ac0-b862-a24554ee3aa3">Re: BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I please add that she was just complaining to me about how she "doesnt have money for a bm dress right now"....I just saw on FB that she booked a plan ticket to Vegas, in 20 days. Ugh.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

Please do not mention about how she spends her money. An ex-friend that I have known for over 20 years did this to me last summer, she just starting questioning how I spend my money. She brought up how a friend of ours paid for my dinner at her bachelorette party, and how she just doesn't understand how I couldn't donate money to the charity of her choice for her birthday, and how she noticed that when we all went out to lunch and then to the mall afterwards that I spent like 10 dollars to buys something for my now FI... we haven't talked since August of last year...she tried to say that she understands my finanically situitation and I just told her where to go which wasn't heaven. You don't know ppls money issues, and she may be going to vegas, but maybe someone paid for her or she has saved money for sometime to go on this trip, the only time a friend can mention money problems to a friend is if there are blowing there money on drugs, gambling, drinking etc... other than that its none of your business.

Jessa617

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:a37872b0-30c4-4da7-a106-bb6ed79e1fa7">Re: BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Well I am letting them pick their own style of dress. I only ask that they are all the same color & short in length</strong>. Doing this is also my way of letting them decide how much they want to spend. I already told them if they know their personal budget for a dress, do not pick a style that is out of that budget. Some of the girls are able to afford a little more than others, but I thought this was a way for them to decide how much they want to spend. If someone wants to spend $230, thats fine. But if someone else's budget is only $130, thats okay too. They just cant pick a dress that is out of their personal budgets.
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

If they are able to pick out their own dresses, why was it so imperative that all girls be at DB at the same time? If you are giving them freedom to choose their own style and dress, they don't need to be together.

With that being said, just apologize for freaking out and move on.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bm-drama-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cfddd197-84a9-498c-85f6-1b7a72c39ef3Post:3052182f-47bc-49ca-affa-ee2d101602fe">Re: BM drama!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BM drama!! : Please do not mention about how she spends her money. An ex-friend that I have known for over 20 years did this to me last summer, she just starting questioning how I spend my money. She brought up how a friend of ours paid for my dinner at her bachelorette party, and how she just doesn't understand how I couldn't donate money to the charity of her choice for her birthday, and how she noticed that when we all went out to lunch and then to the mall afterwards that I spent like 10 dollars to buys something for my now FI... we haven't talked since August of last year...she tried to say that she understands my finanically situitation and I just told her where to go which wasn't heaven. <strong>You don't know ppls money issues, and she may be going to vegas, but maybe someone paid for her or she has saved money for sometime to go on this trip,</strong> the only time a friend can mention money problems to a friend is if there are blowing there money on drugs, gambling, drinking etc... other than that its none of your business.
Posted by slgirl21[/QUOTE]

I actually do know all about her money issues, because she tells me about them <strong>every single day. </strong>Nobody paid for her & no, she hasnt been saving. She just decided today that she was going to go, in 20 days. Idk where she is going to get the money for all that. Im not going to bring it up to her. I just dont get it. But, all of you are right in that it is really not my personal business.

golden1215

maybe someone is paying for her to go to Vegas... you never know