MOH Trouble...

JillianA3

My MOH informed me recently that she would not be coming to the rehearsal dinner, because she was going to a Luke Bryan concert. She said she could get cheap tickets and that "I could just tell her what she needed to do on the day of the wedding." Do I be bridezilla and tell her that she WILL be at my rehearsal dinner or she won't be MOH? Or let it go and just let her figure things out on the day of the wedding?

As great as Luke Bryan is, I really feel like I am just a wee bit more important!!

Opinions please! Thanks :

libby2483

While I can understand your frustration, you should just let it go.  Ideally, she would be there, but it isn't the end of the world that she isn't. Don't tell her that she can't be your MOH.  H's brother was not able to come to our rehearsal dinner, and he still managed to do everything he needed to at the wedding (aka walk down the aisle and stand in the appropriate spot).  Just fill her in quick on anything she needs to know on the day of.

misssunshine17

This is someone who is supposed to be your best friend and you'd really kick her out over something like knowing how to walk in a straight line? Eeek.

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:84fbb9bb-04bd-45b0-ae3e-3ee749e1d0cb">MOH Trouble...</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH informed me recently that she would not be coming to the rehearsal dinner, because she was going to a Luke Bryan concert. She said she could get cheap tickets and that "I could just tell her what she needed to do on the day of the wedding."<strong> Do I be bridezilla and tell her that she WILL be at my rehearsal dinner or she won't be MOH?</strong> <font color="#FF0000">NO </font><strong>Or let it go and just let her figure things out on the day of the wedding?</strong> <font color="#FF0000">YES </font>As great as Luke Bryan is, I really feel like I am just a wee bit more important!! Opinions please! Thanks :
Posted by JillianA3[/QUOTE]

Don't worry! She'll figure it out. Have someone give her a quick runthrough the day of the wedding and it will be fine.

One thing I've learned is that you might be able to make people do something, but you can't make people WANT to do something. If she skips the concert and comes to your rehearsal, she will be resentful. She will wish she was at the concert the whole time. It wouldn't really benefit her or you, and especially not your friendship. Tell her to have a great time and you look forward to hearing about the concert at your reception (or while you are getting ready together or whenever).

Peledreamsofrain

Don't kick her out unless you think drama is awesome and fun. Because it will produce near lethal doses of the stuff. However, I personally would side eye the heck out of a friend who stressed me out near my wedding over a stupid concert.

JillianA3

Yeah... never said I would kick her out of the party. I don't resent her for going to the concert I just know the drama that will follow because the concert is 4 hours away.

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:e8ab8a35-e0cf-44c9-9a9a-a71a438d138a">Re:MOH Trouble...</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah... <strong>never said I would kick her out of the party.</strong> I don't resent her for going to the concert I just know the drama that will follow because the concert is 4 hours away.
Posted by JillianA3[/QUOTE]

Uhhhhh so what does this mean then....

"Do I be bridezilla and tell her that she WILL <strong>be at my rehearsal dinner or she won't be MOH</strong>?"

Sounds like kicking her out of the bridal party to me.  Or maybe you just  meant you were going to demote her?  Still as schitty as the first.

Let it go!

OliveOilsMom

I was a BM a few years ago and when our entire group for the rehearsal left the hotel for the venue, the MOH put in the wrong directions on her GPS.  By the time she arrived, with another BM to the venue, the entire rehearsal was done.  Since I was the BM standing next to the MOH, I played MOH at the rehearsal and filled her in.  The next day at the wedding, everything was fine.  She ended up standing a little farther way from the bride than she was supposed to, so I leaned over and told her to get closer to the bride.  She took her step forward, the rest of the BM followed and no one noticed!  Most of the time, rehearsal's aren't even necessary, so let your MOH go to her concert.

Peledreamsofrain

I normally agree with you guys when it comes to landing on the side of the bridesmaids, but I personally wouldn't feel fluffy towards a friend doing this to me.

If I can't rely on a girl to show up and walk a few paces, then eat free food and drink free booze for an hour, then I don't think much of their friendship (excpetions, of course, for emergencies, family conflicts, etc).  It just seems like a really crappy thing to do to a friend.  Especially one that is trying to get all the details of the wedding nailed down with everyone (the RD is often the only time to do that with everyone present).  Sure she can wing it later, but why stress your friend out by shrugging it off and saying "eh, I'll make it up at your wedding".

  I would never do that if I agreed to be in a bridal party.  It just kinda screams of "meh, don't care bout you".  If a half hour to an hour of my time would keep from adding stress to a friend's plate, then sure, no sweat.  Having a friend not reciprocating, and because she wants to amuse herself more?  Hurtful.

Knottie_22382452

I wasn't able to be at a rehearsal for a wedding I was a BM in because of a work conflict, and neither was one of the other BMs: side note there was 3 of us. So the other BM filled us in on everything while we were getting ready, the morning of the wedding. I would tell her you will miss having her there and that you appreciate her letting you know instead of just not showing up. Edit: I do understand the frustration and I'm not trying to down play your worry. Yea it sucks that she's going to a concert instead but at the same time think of it as you aren't being the crazy bridezilla that you are trying desperately not to be and you are being an understanding friend instead. You never know, she just might feel pretty crummy when she realizes how it affected you and the fact that she missed something that was very much important to you.

ROBINRENE5

Just have someone fill her in.  Since she is your MOH, I'm assuming she is your best friend.  She will know how important this day is to you, and be there for you on your wedding day just as you are expecting her to be.  A rehearsal is not a requirement, and I'm sure she has enough common sense to walk to where she needs to be.  Don't let it turn into unnecessary drama.  Let her enjoy her night - she has a life of her own - and trust that she will show up when you need her to. 

FWIW, I saw Luke Bryan at the Rodeo a couple weeks ago -- and I would skip a rehearsal to see him again! 

banana468

It's fine to be bummed but you need to get over this.      

rb1734a

If she were really your friend, she wouldn't even consider skipping anything related to your wedding.  The fact that she even thinks its remotely ok to miss your rehearsal dinner for a friggin concert is beyond me.  She obviously doesn't deserve to be honored by you at your wedding-I'd kick her out asap before she starts skipping out on things like the bridal shower, bachelorette, and other parties she should be throwing for you.  

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:8f162891-4d09-4c1d-b94b-1a385b1b76b1">Re: MOH Trouble...</a>:
[QUOTE]If she were really your friend, she wouldn't even consider skipping anything related to your wedding.  The fact that she even thinks its remotely ok to miss your rehearsal dinner for a friggin concert is beyond me.  She obviously doesn't deserve to be honored by you at your wedding-I'd kick her out asap before she starts skipping out on things like the bridal shower, bachelorette, and other parties she should be throwing for you.  
Posted by rb1734a[/QUOTE]


Ummm, no.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:8f162891-4d09-4c1d-b94b-1a385b1b76b1">Re: MOH Trouble...</a>:
[QUOTE]If she were really your friend, she wouldn't even consider skipping anything related to your wedding.  The fact that she even thinks its remotely ok to miss your rehearsal dinner for a friggin concert is beyond me.  She obviously doesn't deserve to be honored by you at your wedding-I'd kick her out asap before she starts skipping out on things like the bridal shower, bachelorette, and other parties she should be throwing for you.  
Posted by rb1734a[/QUOTE]
Troll.

rb1734a

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:a83c8add-e8d9-4e08-89f9-0d1065a35c4f">Re: MOH Trouble...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH Trouble... : Troll.
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

<div>Excuse me?  I'm pretty sure that calling people names is not ok.  I have my opinion, and you have yours. </div>

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:ee3a1947-a59c-4495-bda2-439ca34bc34f">Re:MOH Trouble...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOH Trouble...: But there shouldn't BE any stress as there is no REASON for stress in a case like this. And a possibly once in a lifetime dream fulfilling experience trumps an unnecessary rehearsal any day in my book. I would feel bad if my friend DIDN'T go. I guess that is the difference. People tend to look at what THEY would do as the BM and expect their BMs to do the same. I always looked at how I WANT my friends to feel and made decisions as a bride to help them achieve that.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Hrm... you know, I was just looking at it from a non-music person's point of view.  If my friend was seriously into music, and this was a once in a lifetime dream thing for her, then yes I wouldn't begrudge her at all.  I would be disappointed and a bit stressed (because I like to have every detail just perfect all the time.  Yes it drives me crazy), but I wouldn't hold it against her.</div><div>
</div><div>Now, if she's not really into music, and just trahlalaing off to some random concert for funsies, then I'd still say absolutely nothing, and absolutely not demote her, but our friendship would suffer for it.  Being B-listed sucks.</div>

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:1d67ff4b-1d32-4ae9-9ad2-aeb7e91cd847">Re: MOH Trouble...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH Trouble... : Excuse me?  I'm pretty sure that calling people names is not ok.  I have my opinion, and you have yours. 
Posted by rb1734a[/QUOTE]


You opinion sucks, and I still think you're a troll trying to stir up drama.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:6f59d764-07c3-47ed-8e50-f749f4305722">Re:MOH Trouble...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOH Trouble... : Hrm... you know, I was just looking at it from a non-music person's point of view.  If my friend was seriously into music, and this was a once in a lifetime dream thing for her, then yes I wouldn't begrudge her at all.  I would be disappointed and a bit stressed (because I like to have every detail just perfect all the time.  Yes it drives me crazy), but I wouldn't hold it against her. Now, if she's not really into music, and just trahlalaing off to some random concert for funsies, then I'd still say absolutely nothing, and absolutely not demote her, but our friendship would suffer for it.  Being B-listed sucks.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]


How on earth is this being B-listed?

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_moh-trouble-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d123bfac-f3cb-43fb-9455-ba3e4aaf6021Post:324adcaa-9235-49c3-9198-56eef4e9326f">Re:MOH Trouble...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:MOH Trouble... : How on earth is this being B-listed?
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Sorrry, didn't want to put down a huge paragraph.  I kind of equate the second type of behavior to B-listing the friendship.  Like, "I'll only come and help you out if I don't have any entertainment options that night".  Low priority. Same feeling as "I'll only invite you to the wedding if other people decline."  </div>

wittykitty14

I have not asked much of my bridesmaids.  Dress, any black pair of sandals, and for them to be at the Rehearsal and wedding next day.  That's it.  I gave them the dates months in advance so that they could plan accordingly.  So, I would be hurt if one of them wanted to be somewhere else the night of my rehearsal (not counting emergencies obviously).  If my favorite musician was in town, I would LOVE to go, but being a part of a friend's wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime (usually) thing.  I would be annoyed if they wanted to be somewhere else that night, because I've asked so little of them.

HOWEVER, if this was happening to me, I would NOT make a big deal of it.  Yes, I would be bummed, but I would NEVER criticize my friend for it, or worse, demote her.  My BM's are adults, they can make their own decisions.  Having an MOH miss the rehearsal isn't the end of the world.  Will the wedding still happen?  Yes.  Could there be a few logistics issues?  Absolutely.  But keep in mind, even if everyone attends the rehearsal, small things will go "wrong: anyway.  It happens.  Chances are, no one wil notice.  Please don't make a big deal out this.  In the end, everything will turn out just fine.  You'll be happily married, and you'll still have a great relationship with your friend.  What could be better than that?

JillianA3

Wow, lol thanks for all the input and opinions! After posting my first comment and just thinking about it all, I really would never kick my MOH out of the wedding or tell her she couldnt be MOH. She is my closest friend, and I couldnt imagine not getting married without her by my side. I guess it just annoyed me that she was going to the concert, instead of us doing something together like we did for her wedding. As long as she shows up on time for things on the day of the wedding I am good.

And to the comment about me starting the drama....I am the most drama free person you could possible meet! Bless your heart, you probably wouldn't understand

AND as far as her concert being a "lifetime dream thing" .... she has been to his concerts 4 times now lol...

TC2BE2014

i can defiantely see how this can put you in a pickle . my question is how soon is your rehersal dinner to the wedding? if it is a week or so before the wedding let her go to the concert tell her you will miss her. If your worried about her missing something record it on someone's phone if possiable for her to watch so she knows what is going on now days so many phone's have that function. Also I can see if you are worried if you are having the rehersal dinner the ngiht before the wedding and are worried baout her driving four hours and possiablly not showing up on time for hair and make up.  If your having the dinner the night before the wedding i would let her know how worried you are about her not showing up on time if it is a week out breathe in and let go she will have a week to help you get thigns done by the weddign and can easily be filled in on what is expected. It's never fun having issues wiht your wedding party but where all different on our views so maybe she doesn't realize what you may be thinking about in terms of stressing. If she hasn't bought the ticket yet then maybe she is asking you about it first or is wanting your advice about her going. Don't kick her out and think of all the things she ahs done to help you out so far. I hope this help's some and i wish you the best luck for your special day .