How to Include his 8-year old Sister...?

BHosford

My fiance and i recently decided on our wedding party.
I will have three bridesmaids: my sister, sister-in-law, and one of my dearest cousins. My fiance decided to have is two brother and my brother stand with him. The problem is that my fiance has a younger sister who is only eight, and she's a little bummed about not being the wedding party, especially because the rest of her (much older) siblings are.
Does anyone have any suggestions in how to get her involved? I don't really want a jr. bridesmaid and we already have a flower girl. Are there any other jobs/little tasks or other ideas on how to keep her from feeling left out?
Thanks!

gottahavashorti

If she's an 8 yr old who still dreams of being a flower girl, she could be a second flower girl.  She could be a groomswoman on your FI's side or do a reading if her reading skills are okay.  At that age, you might be able to ask her what she wants to do in the wedding and get a quick and honest response.

mbcdefg

Why didn't you ask her to be a bridesmaid? Can she not stand quietly for the ceremony? Or is it because you already have three BMs?

Also, please remember that giving someone a "job" is really not honoring them. Being a guest is an honor in itself.

bablingbrooke

She's definitely not too old to be another FG.  My FGs were 9 and loved every second of it.  They actually lobbied for the job.  Kids that age just want to be included in any way they can.

BHosford

I didn't choose her for a bridesmaid for a few reasons, the first being I wanted a small wedding party and knew who I wanted from the get go. Another reason is her temper. I love her to death, but anyone in the family will tell you that if she doesn't get her way/isn't the center of attention she starts to act up (this generally ends with tears). I didn't want to risk the wedding day being one of her "off" days and have her crying at the front of the church. But I still want a way for her to be involved.
I might talk to my FI about her being a flower girl. He was the one that thought she was too old, but she may be able to help the younger girl down the aisle...

mbcdefg

Just a heads-up, a junior bridesmaid is the exact same thing as a bridesmaid.

Escorting the younger flower girl is a good idea. Just call them both Flower Girls or Attendants. A person is only "too old" to be a flower girl or a ring bearer when they say, "I'm too old for that." Some people have had adult flower girls (even men as "flower girls"). http://offbeatbride.com/2008/08/dana-jay-bein#referrer

gottahavashorti

As long as she's happy with being a flower girl, she's not too old. 

hippie4yahweh

My little sister (she's 12) is very similar- she's used to getting her way (she's the youngest by 13 years so practically an only child) and throws FITS when life doesn't go her way lol

She's still my little sister, and since our big sister is my MOH there was no way in hell that I wouldn't include her. She's going to be my "jr" bm, really just a bm but I'm letting her stand out.

It is technically "my" day to shine, but Kenzie is 12- she understands how important this is to Chris and I but doesn't REALLY understand that it's not "her" day, you know? My (2) adult BMs will be in dark gray dresses and Kenzie will be wearing a bright orange dress. (our colors are gray and orange and the dresses look great together) I have 2 adult BMs and Chris has 2 GMs, so Kenzie gets to walk by herself. There's in fact so many things that help her stand out that I'm not worried in the least that she'll have an "off" day, and it in no way detracts from the fact that Chris and I will be married at the end of the day, and no one can really compete with the chick in the big white dress! LMAO

I say loosen up and let the little girl join you. It won't take away from you/ your day, but she'll remember it, and you won't feel like an as$ later when you look at pics and all of the siblings are there, except for one.

ldcf11206

I have this same problem!  I have an 18 year old brother and an 8 year old brother.  The 18 year old is walking me down the aisle (Dad's not in the picture), and I don't want the 8 year old to be left out. 

I found a nice Irish wedding blessing that I would like to have read during the ceremony.  The words are simple and the blessing is about love, so I thought it would be cute for my little brother to read it.  I told him what I wanted him to do, and I showed him the blessing and had him read it to me to see if he could get all of the words.  He did a great job, and when he was finished, I said "You did great!  So would you like to read this at my wedding?"  And he immediately said "No."  I was shocked!  (lol)  I'm hoping maybe he'll change his mind before the wedding, but maybe he won't. 

You should ask your fiance's little sister if she would like to do a reading.  If she says no, then maybe she can hand out the programs as the guests arrive?  Or, maybe she would be better off just helping with the planning, like stuffing invitation envelopes or helping make the favors. 

Just remember, she is only 8 and although she is excited now, she might get intimidated on the big day if she has to be in the spotlight for something (if she's anything like my 8 year old brother). 

aerinpegadrak

I would have scoffed at the idea of being a flower girl at age 6.  My sister would have been delighted to do it at age 10.  There aren't any hard and fast rules here.

Let her decide what she wants to do.  It may be nothing.

jeannigirl

Well its that age thing. How did you find out she was bummed out, did she tell you or someone in the family? I would just ask her what she would like to do.

BHosford

When I was talking to my future MIL I was told that she (the 8 year old) asked what she got to do in the wedding. Her mom just told her that she would be an honored guest and the little girl started crying. I've asked FMIL what the little girl would want to do but she hasn't been very helpful (hasn't told me ANYTHING). I would ask her myself, but I live in Newfoundland for school, they live in Nebraska, and we don't get the chance to talk very often. I thought that if I had a few ideas I could approach my FMIL and FSIL with these ideas and see which ones they thought would work best.
BTW- I was all for letting her be a flower girl. My fiance, on the other hand, isn't. He thinks that she'll act up. This is why I'm looking for other ways for her to be involved.
Thanks for you help, everyone!

aerinpegadrak

Hmm, that is tricky.  (Though it is possible that FMIL isn't being totally honest here; it's not unheard of for parents to put words into their children's mouths.)

I kind of like the idea of her being a reader, then.  It's definitely an important and prominent job, but also a short one.  You could find a simple reading, and one that could easily be cut from the ceremony in case it's a no-go on the day of. 

But your FI would likely know better than anyone how well she's going to handle it.  This may be something that he needs to talk to his sister about directly, without Mom involved.

[Deleted User]

Honestly I would have her in the wedding party.  It would be exciting for her and she will be your SIL, you have a long life together.  What's the difference between 3 and 4 BM?  Not that much. 

 Can her behavior be modified?  I think so if you go about it correctly.  

jeannigirl

Act up like how do you mean, is she unruly and uncontrollable? If she is I would think that problem lies with the parent for allowing her to be that way. Anways I would have her read something small then?

Why couldn't your FI place a call and talk to his little sister and see how she's doing and then throw in "So I hear that you want to be part of our wedding" and if she says yes then he can ask her what she would like to do? She's 8 I am pretty she has the ability to voice what she wants. Then you both can make that decision if its going to be a fit or not. (Due to the unexplained behavior)

felkels

can she be trusted with candles??? My 10 year old niece wanted to be a flower girl, but we already have my finace's god daugther in that role...I had my niece as a candle lighter and at first she was dissappointed.  Then I explained the importance of the candle lighters being the first down the aisle, setting the mood for the whole thing with the romatic glow of candle light, the explained how she and her sister would each do a side, of the standing candleabras..then light the two candles next to the unity candle.  I then explained the importance of the unity candle to her, and she thought it was super cool that she was the first one to be seen, and that she got to be the one who set the mood and got to be a part of the unity candle ceremony by setting it all up, she was totally fine with it...until my finace asked a 4th guy to be a groomsman, and her sister got bummped up to a JR. BM...and little green monsters started coming out...but that is a different story.

Good luck!

BHosford

Thanks everyone for the great ideas. I'm going to try to get ahold of my MIL this weekend and talk to her and her daughter. I'm going to see if she wants to be a flower girl, or maybe light candles or do a short reading.
I ran the idea of her being a jr. bridesmaid by my FI and he's not down for it. Oh well.
Hopefully with his help and his mom's help, and some imput from his little sister this will all be resolved soon!