Wedding Party

TOO many attendents

My Fiance's original list of GM include 12 guys. We had cut that number down to 7, and then he said he forgot about a few others to include on his original list, which would have made it 15. This is not including the 5 ushers, which my step-bro is apart of. He went to a large school and church and has been lifelong friends with most of these guys, and was in most of their weddings. Many of them are also mutual friends and he feels like he must include one if he includes the other. I told him that this is getting silly and since we've been together he had not spoke of or seen a lot of them. So 20 guys. I said I would be fine with that if we could utilize them as a choir.

For two months now we have been going back in forth on these numbers, and it's very difficult because our wedding will be on a strict budget which we are paying out of pocket. And our wedding is in 4 1/2 months! There is simply not enough room for everyone to stand up there and for them to see, sightline will be blocked by a well, as well as the guests to see.

I do not want that many people and my girls understand, and are not offend to not stand up there. I was in many of their weddings, several years back. I'm the last of everyone to get married and not one of bridesmaids will be single. I simply can't include everyone. I would have close to 20 as well.

I think it's reasonable to have 7I do want to include my 2 sisters, my step-sister and his sister. But he says he can't cut the list that small unless he cuts it down to one. I think 1 v. 4 will look silly.  He has suggested now that we have 2, just my sisters, his oldest friend, and his brother in-law. But in that case I think he should have his sister. Now someone has suggested to him, just to include a list of the guys as honorary GM in the program, but if we do that I would definately include all my girls. It seems silly to devote one side of the program to 40 names. We should just list everyone in attendance!

PLEASE help with ideas, I'm at the point of saying NO attandents.

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Re: TOO many attendents

  • Wedding parties are not tit-for-tat.  Just because your FI was in someone's wedding doesn't mean he needs to have that person in his.  They should be comprised of the people that are nearest and dearest to you.  

    Think of who you would call at 2 in the morning if something tragic happened and you needed to talk to someone.  Who would either of you call?  The first people that come to mind should be in your wedding party.  And if you think of a different # of people, that's ok.  Wedding parties do not have to be even.
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  • "Honorary" anything is just silly.  If I were at a wedding and saw someone sitting in the congregation and then saw them listed as an "honorary groomsman" I'd be raising my eyebrows.

    I agree that 20 is way too many, and just totally unneccessary.  First of all, weddings are NOT tit for tat.  Just because he was in their weddings,  he doesn't have to reciprocate.  20 WP members pretty much dilutes the honor of being in the WP.

    Then there's the expense thing.  Bouts, gifts, bouquets, etc. quickly add up.  If you are on a tight budget, one of the quickest places to cut is the # in the WP. 

    WPs don't have to be symmetrical at all.  You could have two, he could have his two and have his sister on his side.  Or you could have your two, he could have his two, and his sister could be a reader.

    But I confess, I'd be pretty snarky at a wedding with 40 in the WP.

    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Honestly, I think the plan where each of you has 2 sounds like the best. If his sister and/or family would be offended by not including her, then you can have 3 and 2 (she can be on either side, depending on how close you are to her). Or go for no attendants, or just a BM and MOH each...but 20 attendants each or even 20 attendants total is a circus.

    Don't list them as honorary GM, that's usually a title for someone who can't make it. Just have them be guests, which is an honor in and of itself.
  • How many people has each of you asked to be in the wedding?
  • Thank you all this is helpful. I've asked my sisters because to me that is an absolute. And he has asked his brother in-law, and best friend. Other than that none, except the one his father inadvertenly asked through the guys mom, because he thought of course that guy would be in the wedding. And that guys' mom no doubt thinks the same and will no doubt say something to her son. But my fiance did not ask him nor was he planning too.
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  • I think the choir idea is just silly.  Please just ask them to be guests.
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  • the choir was kind of a back handed joke!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-attendents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d359594d-f2f7-45d7-8b8a-cac73b8b7477Post:6cf8ad26-18ab-4065-8a47-2e1742eb3ba7">Re: TOO many attendents</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all this is helpful. I've asked my sisters because to me that is an absolute. And he has asked his brother in-law, and best friend. Other than that none, except the one his father inadvertenly asked through the guys mom, because he thought of course that guy would be in the wedding. And that guys' mom no doubt thinks the same and will no doubt say something to her son. But my fiance did not ask him nor was he planning too.
    Posted by rednesss[/QUOTE]
    Since he can't choose among his friends, why not stick to the people you have now  Then it's family only (or essentially family in the case of the best friend).  You might want to show him how much it will cost to have all 20 friends in the wedding.
  • I think you should keep it as is, except add his sister on to either your side or his side. Then call it good.
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  • If you want your step sister and his sister to be a part of the wedding, then your step sister can stand up for you and his sister can stand on his side.  Then it's 3/3, instead of 4/2.

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  • Ditto on Tide. I would keep it as is. Like someone said, wedding are not tit for tat. You also said you were on a strict budget. Remember if you had 40 WP members you would have to buy 40 presents. Even at $30 each you would spend $1,200 on WP presents!
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  • I think you should keep it as it is.  I agree that 20 attendants each is ridiculous.  If you keep it really, really small (like family-only or just the two you have) then people will understand why they weren't asked.  I think it's better to stay really small than to go really big.  Besides, it's cheaper that way. ;)
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  • I agree, keeping it simply siblings (including step and inlaws) is a great way to cut the party and give a reasonable explaination (though you don't really owe them explainations) to those friends that aren't in the WP that expected to be!  And his step sister can stand on his side, it doesn't have to be "Girls on Bride's Side and Boys on Groom's side" if you are worried about the uneven-ness.
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  • We are having 7 attendants each and I can tell you it is very expensive! I only wanted 4 or 5 and my fiance wanted 7 - well I decided to give in since I picked basically everything else wedding-related, but he even agrees with me now that 7 is too many and he wishes we only did 5!

    If you are on a strict budget, tell your fiance that he needs to just pick a few groomsmen (whatever number you are ok with and can afford), and then he can talk to the other potential groomsmen that he did not pick and explain to them that he would have loved to include everyone, but it was too expensive to do so.

    The honorary thing is silly and I wouldn't bother wasting program space doing that. Honestly the guys probably are not going to be upset if they aren't in the wedding, they probably will be glad they don't have to rent a tux!
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