Involving Nieces and Nephews in the Wedding

enshanley

Between the two of us, my fiance and I have have 16 nieces and nephews. We would really like to include them in the wedding (at least the ones that are old enough). So far we are going to have two flower girls, one ring bearer and two handing out wedding programs. We have thought about having a few at the guest book, and a few helping serve cake. But now we are kind of stuck on ideas... Does anyone have any ideas for how we can include the rest of them?

trix1223

Skip all the busy work "jobs":  guest book attendant, cake server, wedding passer outer, etc.

Frankly, I'd just make them all guests and call it all good.  Trying to manufacture "jobs" for 16 children sounds like a recipe for chaos to me.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_involving-nieces-nephews-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d3a9a0a7-4e84-46e2-ad1a-e6b9438d2d1dPost:5215ea20-68e0-4a41-9de1-2f4b968c5009">Involving Nieces and Nephews in the Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Between the two of us, my fiance and I have have 16 nieces and nephews. We would really like to include them in the wedding (at least the ones that are old enough). So far we are going to have two flower girls, one ring bearer and two handing out wedding programs. <strong>We have thought about having a few at the guest book, and a few helping serve cake.</strong> But now we are kind of stuck on ideas... Does anyone have any ideas for how we can include the rest of them?
Posted by enshanley[/QUOTE]

I agree with Trix. I also think that having kids serving cake sounds like a bad idea - even if they're older. I'm 25, and I would be stressed about serving your wedding cake because when I serve cake, inevitably some pieces fall apart.

Just take a picture with the two of you and all the nieces and nephews and call it a day.

aerinpegadrak

If you have to make up a "job," there's really no honor in it.

If you want to do something really special for them, I'd host a pre-wedding sleepover or pizza party or something.  I'm sure they'd enjoy spending real quality time with you and each other rather than having to dress nicely, be on their best behavior, and perform some made-up job instead of just enjoying themselves at the wedding.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_involving-nieces-nephews-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d3a9a0a7-4e84-46e2-ad1a-e6b9438d2d1dPost:21091c09-a162-41e5-a451-9140d77c2dec">Re: Involving Nieces and Nephews in the Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Involving Nieces and Nephews in the Wedding : I agree with Trix. I also think that having kids serving cake sounds like a bad idea - even if they're older. I'm 25, and I would be stressed about serving your wedding cake because when I serve cake, inevitably some pieces fall apart. Just take a picture with the two of you and all the nieces and nephews and call it a day.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
Oh yeah, cutting and serving a wedding cake properly is difficult and messy.  There's a reason they usually take it back to the kitchen and let the staff do the work.  At my friend's wedding, one of the younger kids helped us pass out the cake, but that wasn't anything planned in advance, he just ran into the kitchen and wanted to help.

mbcdefg

If you didn't already ask the kids to be flower girls and ring bearers, etc., I'd just not ask ANY of them to be in the wedding party. I totally get that you want to include them, but 16 kids just sounds like chaos.

PLEASE don't ask them to watch the guest book or serve cake. Giving someone a job is not honoring them. Stuff like that means they have to stand somewhere specific and worry about getting a job done, rather than just hang out and enjoy themselves. And if they're anything like I was as a kid (and still sort of am, lol), they'll be a nervous wreck at the thought of "messing up an important job," and they won't have any fun at your wedding because they're so worried about what they're being asked to do.

There's no shame in being a regular guest ... especially considering that (a) you're not inviting every single person you know to your wedding (I assume) so they're already part of a select group, and (b) kids are oftentimes not invited to weddings at all so they're pretty special by being invited to yours.

If you haven't already asked any of them to do these jobs, I'd just make sure to get a nice group photo at some point and then let that be it.

If you HAVE already asked these kids to be in the wedding, then it'd hurt their feelings if you took it back. Don't worry so much about including absolutely everything ... kids under age 3 won't know what's going on so they won't feel excluded, and kids above maybe age 10 might not want to participate anyway, especially if the choices are flower girl/ring bearer or program passer-outer. Plus, kids have to learn at some point that life isn't always fair and not everyone will always get equal treatment. Just because Susie is a flower girl and Jane isn't doesn't mean that you don't love Jane equally.

Older kids can do readings or bring up Communion (or another religious tradition). Kids mature enough to stand quietly for the ceremony could be in the bridal party, but ask them if you're genuinely close to them, not out of pity or guilt.

I think it's sweet that you want to include them, but if you're really stretching for roles and jobs to give them, then I think that's a good sign that it might be best NOT to try and find ways to include them all.

tidetravel

It is OK to pick and choose people to be a part of your wedding party.  You cannot possibly include them all without your wedding being a circus.  Will some of them be disappointed?  Maybe.  Guess what?  Disappointment's a part of life and it's time that the kids learn that now - not every kid makes the baseball team.  If they're not being RBs, FGs or Jr. members of the wedding party, then they can be guests.  Everyone seems to forget that "guest" is an honor in and of itself.

MairePoppy

kids serving cake = messy!

In my family, it was typical to invite children to weddings. My cousins and I would sit at our own table next to our parent's table. We felt very special to be included as guests. If the bride wanted a flower girl or ring bearer, she would choose one or two of us. The rest of us didn't feel excluded.

Don't worry about giving every kid a job.

lalap69

Take a special picture with the kids on the big day and then leave it at that.  There are 16 of them - you can't reasonably include them all, and getting into chores and messy busywork is neither an honour nor likely to turn out well.