Honorary Flowergirl

jernigan24

I have 2 flowergirls: my neice and my FI neice they are 3 and 4 yrs old. My best friend (we have been best friends to kindergarten) has a little girl and she is 1. I have been trying to figure out how to include her.....I just think she may a little too young to walk down the aisle with the others but to have her as an honorary FG! I have a BM who will be 9 mths pregnant at the time and will more than likely be seated on the front pew if needed and she can sit with her.  Also, do I get her a special dress or let her wear something of her own......What do ya'll think?

mbcdefg

I can appreciate your intentions, but I don't think it's really necessary to include a one year-old. This gesture seems like it's more for the mother than for the daughter.

I also think that it's asking a LOT of a bridesmaid (especially a very pregnant one) to look after a small child during your ceremony. She should be relaxing and watching your ceremony, not babysitting. (And what if she cannot make it to the wedding? What's the babysitting plan then?)

Will the girl's father be there? If not, maybe help the mother find a sitter for the ceremony so that someone not invested in the importance of the ceremony can keep an eye on her?

Here are my opinions:

Option 1: Make sure to take a special photo with her and her mother, and let that be it.

Option 2: Let her mother dress her in anything she wants (or buy her the dress if you want something particular), have someone carry her down the aisle and then let her sit with her father/sitter or whoever else will be watching her. (I would not ask a bridesmaid/groomsman or one of your parents to do this.) No need to give her a title unless you're having programs ... and if that's the case, then just list her under Flower Girls. "Honorary" makes me think of someone who is absent.

If she would not otherwise be attending the wedding if she weren't a flower girl, I would leave that as is.

stina93446

She's too young IMO to be a flower girl. I think you're overthinking it. I don't think you need to do anything. No dress, no gift, just tell her you love her. 

megk8oz

It sounds like you want to do the "nice" thing and include everybody. One thing I learned very early on about wedding planning (Mainly from watching another friend's BP go down in flames) was the more people you include, the bigger your headache becomes. I don't want to sound mean, because you sound like you have good intentions here, but you seem just a little naive and right now feel like you need to honor everybody in some way or another.

1 year-olds do not (And really, should not) need to participate as members of the BP-"honary" or otherwise. People who do things like this (Unless it's their own child ... in which case, I still kind of find it pointless at that young an age), are doing it for the child's parents, not the child. Trust me, this kid isn't going to wake up one day when she's like 14 and be all depressed because she clearly remembers your wedding and not being in the BP. And if for some reason, she can remember being at your wedding and not being in the BP, she should have the ability to reason out "Well, I was 1 at the time, so it's not like there was anything for me to do".

Another thing is: would this child be invited to the wedding if she wasn't in the BP? If that would be your only reason for having her actually attend, then don't invent a reason for her to be there. If she was welcome anyway, I would make sure that at some point during the day, you get a special picture with your friend and the baby.

I also would not have a 9-month pregnant woman essentially baby-sit a tiny child during your ceremony. Yes, she's capable of it, but really, she's got enough to deal with. When you assign somebody to be a child's handler, their job is to remove the kid from the ceremony if they start crying or something. I really don't think she should be the one that gets put on just because she gets the luxury of being seated. Especially since being 9 months pregnant, she might not even be able to make it that day.

FWIW, I have a little niece (Who's also my god daughter), who turned 1 literally 2 weeks before my ceremony. I didn't do anything to "honor" her. My mom and I bought her a pretty dress to wear (My sister told me to pick it out, and I did pay for it), but it wasn't a "special" dress, it was just pretty. She got parked in her stroller at the end of the front row, and we had 2 people "on call" to wheel her out if she started crying or something. I also made sure we got some pictures of her with the family and things like that, but that was it, and it was great.

banana468

I have to echo PPs.  At the age of one, she doesn't even know what's going on or how to be included.

I think it's best to just make sure you get some great photos with the little cutie.

bablingbrooke

A one year old is a baby and doesn't know she's at a wedding, or even what a wedding is, and therefore cannot be offended that she's not included.  And it's no favor to the pregnant BM to ask her to babysit a one year old who doesn't belong to her during the ceremony (hellooo!  they have trouble sitting still, especially with strangers when mommy is in the vicinity).  Just get pics with her and mommy.