Groomsmaid, mom disapproves!

MrsLiggett7

So my FI has been procrastinating his choosing his attendants for the wedding. We aren't getting married until May, but I want him to let them know well in advance so they can prepare to rent/buy their outfits.

Well he's got a lot of male "friends" but nobody he's super close with. His best friend is a girl. He decided, and I support the decision, to have her as a groomsmaid. Now, my bridesmaids will be wearing red dresses from Davids. Our colors are red and black, and the dress comes in black as well.

I thought I could differentiate her by having her wear the same dress, but in black, and having her stand on his side.

When I told my mom that my FI has a female attendant she gave me a dirty look and immediately shot it down. She says it will look wrong. How do I convince my mom that it's ok? We'll be having our friend as a groomsmaid no matter what Mom says or thinks, but I would feel better if my mom approved.

Something that might help her accept it would be suggestions for procession/recession.

kmmssg

I"m guessing some of this is generational.  Google wedding pics with mixed bridal parties to show her this is becoming more common and gently remind her that you choose these people based on how special they are in your life, not their gender

mbcdefg

You don't need to convince your mother that it's O.K.

Being
ready to get married means being ready to make your own choices as an adult and
standing by them. So don't bring it up again - you've made your decision and
that's that. If SHE brings it up again, just shrug and say, "Well, sorry you
feel that way Mom, but this is what FI and I want. It'll be fine." Then
change the subject and do NOT get into a discussion or argument about it. She
can whine and moan all she wants, but it's not her wedding or her choice.


If the real issue here is that she's paying for the wedding and isn't
happy with the idea of a groomswoman, then you either need to kindly refuse her
money and pay for everything yourselves (so that you and FI are in 100% control
of all the decisions) or you need to obey her wishes (since money always comes
with strings attached).

You don't need to get Mommy's approval for this
choice, and she won't keel over dead at the sight of a woman standing up with
your FI. She'll get over it. Trust me.

BMcLeodTeam

I agree with PP, if your mother is paying you might have to let this go.... unless she becomes ok with it... but if she is not paying, then you don't need her approval. It may just take time for her to get used to the idea and realize that you're serious about it...

I am having a Man of Honour. I got some INTERESTING comments when we were first talking about it, but this guy has been one of my best friends since grade 9 and I can't imagine not having him there... With time, and us just shrugging comments off and acting like its 'just the norm' (aka not making a big deal out of it) everyone else has just let it go...

em01092

I agree that it's probably a generational thing. Uneven sides and mixed gender WPs are more popular now than they were in your mom's day I imagine, so it's probably that she has just never seen it done. Ditto PPs advice. Just tell her it's FI's choice to pick his WP. 

Frankly I don't really think, even if your mom is paying, that she should get a say in who your FI picks. Unless you/she specifically offered to pay for the WP attire, her money would go to nothing special for the WP except maybe attendant gifts and therefore limits her power of the purse, IMO, but I realize she might be stubborn about it. If she honestly retracted her offer of financial assistance over this, I think that'd be super lame, but it's her money. 

graysquirrel

In wedding parties parents don't get a say. You pick your side, FI picks his. There is nothing wrong with having a girl on his side if he wants it that way. If your mom makes a stink, you could just ignore it, tell her that is what your FI wants and that it is his decision, or you could show her pictures of mixed parties which are becoming more commonplace now.

RaptorSLH

Tell her you and your FI (his choice, but your Mom, so back him up on this) consider friendship more important than appearances.  Depending on what your mom is like, you can even play up how she taught to to value people, don't judge a book by its cover, yadda yadda, and how you are so happy to be marrying a man who feels the same way, and shares the same values that she taught you.

Then bring out the pics and explain it has become more common than it used to be.  For the processional, you can have the parties walk down in a line instead of in pairs - one side, then the other, or alternating.  Or, she can be escorted down by a groomsman, or the grooms side (or just his honor attendant) can wait for him at the "altar."  If she supports changing any other traditional features or events, perhaps frame it in the context of another tradition that doesn't suit you in its original form.

Once you have this conversation though, if she still refuses, tell her you're sorry she sees it that way, but you and FI have made up your minds, and refuse to discuss it further.  One honest attempt to communicate this with her is fine, but if she refuses to be convinced, further discussion will just make her think she can wear you down.

entropicbeauty

I'm having a man of honor and my FI is having a best woman and y'know what? We don't care what anyone else thinks about it because it's how close WE feel to these people that matters!

bbyprincesss

Maybe if its something you could work out have a guy on your side like a brother or something to even it out. Then it won't look "Weird".

kipnus

I'm sorry that your mom is giving you a hard time about this! My FI and I are both having co-ed sides. My two brothers and two sisters are standing up on my side, and FI has his brother, one male friend, and two female friends. Because we both have two of each, all of the girls will have the same outfit and all of the guys will have the same outfit, regardless of whose side they're on. I like your idea of putting her in a black dress of the same style, though. Maybe with a red sash or clutch for colour? Are the men having red ties or bouts?

hellosunshine12

We also have a "best girl" ...honsetly I am not sure how some people will feel about it, but I can't say that I care very much, she is someone special in our lives (& our boy's God Mother) she will wear a tux (her choice) & her GF is my MOH..I hope that your Mom comes around & realizes that it's about having people who are important to you standing at your side

ap142193

I was a groomswoman in a friends wedding and the bride made the same choice you did.  The bridesmaides wore colored dresses and I wore the same dress in black.