Paying Bridesmaid's Expenses

kate5485

Hey Ladies.  So i have a question, and I would appreciate HONEST answers.  Not nice answers, not polite answers, but put yourselves in my Bridesmaids shoes and give me your answers.
So I would like to make sure that I am picking up/paying for enough things for my Bridesmaids.  I do not want to appear cheap or selfish and I am very concerned about my Bridesmaids finances, I do not want anyone to go broke for my wedding!
I have 4 Bridesmaids.  They are throwing me a lovely shower at a restaurant.  My wedding is in a city an hour away from their homes so they will be getting hotel rooms with their boyfriends/husbands for the wedding night.  They all picked their own individual dresses in their own price ranges (one BM went to davids bridal for $120 and another went to a boutique for $300) I told them they are welcomed to style their own hair and makeup for the wedding day, yet each one made an appointment to have it professionally done with me.  I told them to wear shoes they have or pick out shoes that match their dress and they can accessorize with whatever they choose.
I am getting them each Bridesmaids gifts and plan on spending about $75 per person.  I am going to shop for each one individually as if it was their birthday.  I am getting my one BM a wall hanging that I know she has been admiring but didn't want to buy for herself.  The other is a spa junkie so I am going to get her a gift card to her favorite spa.  Then my other BM is obsessed with her name on everything so I am going to monogram something nice for her. 
That was really all I planned on doing. Plus I just assumed I would pick up the parking expenses at the rehersal.  Now I am seeing that Brides treat their Bridesmaid's to luncheon's and brunches and pay for their hair and nails.  I am just concerned because I certaintly don't want any of my friends to be "put out" by my wedding and I want them to feel appreciated.  Please comment!

Carson386

I'm buying them jewelry for the wedding (not their gifts), spending about $30 on each for their gifts, buying ther shoes (which are flip flops), and I've considered taking them out to lunch. Each of my girls picked their own dresses in their own price range, I also told them up front that I can't pay for their hair and make up, but they are welome to style it on their own or have it done.

aerinpegadrak

What a refreshing post!  You're doing everything exactly right.  Things like luncheons are a little something extra, but it's certainly not a bad thing if you don't do one.  (I didn't, there just wasn't time since everyone lived OOT.)

You're keeping things flexible so that they can determine what they're comfortable spending, and getting them thoughtful gifts they're sure to appreciate.  If only more brides would follow your example.

pkontk

I just wanted to thank you for being a gracious, reasonable bride.

kate5485

Well thank you for the input.  I will continue with my original plan of the gifts and thats it.  Hopefully they will all be married or have babies soon so I can plan showers and show support and return the favors!

kate5485

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-bridesmaids-expenses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d730c594-e5c8-4df4-b339-d8f125b2c476Post:6b4557d8-3315-4ed2-9863-eaf779028877">Re:Paying Bridesmaid's Expenses</a>:
[QUOTE] And some people, like me, would really rather not have one more wedding activity that I am pressured to attend.

I could not agree with this more.

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-bridesmaids-expenses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d730c594-e5c8-4df4-b339-d8f125b2c476Post:5edb0080-0832-435e-ad5d-3b399638b89f">Re: Paying Bridesmaid's Expenses</a>:
[QUOTE]I just wanted to thank you for being a gracious, reasonable bride.
Posted by pkontk[/QUOTE]


Agreed!

aweathers13

I agree with all the other gals.  I think it's great how you've been and the costs you've picked up.  

I, too, let the girls pick out their own dresses.  I offered to buy jewelry but they declined.  I bought my MoH's dress and paid for her hotel room.  She is making a huge sacrifice and traveling a very long distance to be in my wedding.  I am also buying her jewelry for the wedding and that will be her gift. She's kind of a plain jane and doesn't really have those sorts of things, so I thought she would like the jewelry!    For my other girls, I bought them gifts that I know they would both use and paid about $40 each for them.  I'm also paying for everyone's hair and makeup.  I didn't require they have it, but I told them if they wanted to get it done I would pick up the tab for whatever service they decided to get.  The girls decided that the day before the wedding, they wanted to treat me to a mani/pedi I thought that was nice of them!  

I don't like luncheons and brunches...hell I'm not even having a bridal shower.  All of my girls except one lives out of state and I'm having a destination wedding so I wanted to make this whole thing easy for them.  I think you're an awesome and understanding bride and the gifts you have chosen are perfect. and I like the fact that you are picking up the parking too.  I'm sure all you BM's feel the same!!  

slgirl21

can I be one of your bridesmaid..OMG you are a great bride. all the weddings I was in I had to pay for the dress, hair, shoes, jewerly, makeup...if I added up all the $$ i spent on these items its probably enough to buy my own wedding dress. I think what you are doing is more then enough, my friends who got married didn't do a luncheon for us, but its a nice thing to do.
good luck.

danij30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-bridesmaids-expenses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d730c594-e5c8-4df4-b339-d8f125b2c476Post:aa1c980d-49c5-4f9a-9bfa-926dee902e37">Re: Paying Bridesmaid's Expenses</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with all the other gals.  I think it's great how you've been and the costs you've picked up.   I, too, let the girls pick out their own dresses.  I offered to buy jewelry but they declined.  I bought my MoH's dress and paid for her hotel room.  She is making a huge sacrifice and traveling a very long distance to be in my wedding. <strong> I am also buying her jewelry for the wedding and that will be her gift. She's kind of a plain jane and doesn't really have those sorts of things, so I thought she would like the jewelry!  </strong>  For my other girls, I bought them gifts that I know they would both use and paid about $40 each for them.  I'm also paying for everyone's hair and makeup.  I didn't require they have it, but I told them if they wanted to get it done I would pick up the tab for whatever service they decided to get.  The girls decided that the day before the wedding, they wanted to treat me to a mani/pedi I thought that was nice of them!   I don't like luncheons and brunches...hell I'm not even having a bridal shower.  All of my girls except one lives out of state and I'm having a destination wedding so I wanted to make this whole thing easy for them.  I think you're an awesome and understanding bride and the gifts you have chosen are perfect. and I like the fact that you are picking up the parking too.  I'm sure all you BM's feel the same!!  
Posted by aweathers13[/QUOTE]

Anything required for the wedding should not be considered a gift. Plus, if she is "plain jane", she probably doesn't want jewelry anyway. There is a reason she doesn't own a lot of it. You made a great choice buying gifts for your other BMs that you know they will love and use. So why are you excluding this girl?? Please consider buying her a nice gift that suits her personality and style instead of pushing the jewlery issue.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-bridesmaids-expenses?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d730c594-e5c8-4df4-b339-d8f125b2c476Post:5edb0080-0832-435e-ad5d-3b399638b89f">Re: Paying Bridesmaid's Expenses</a>:
[QUOTE]I just wanted to thank you for being a gracious, reasonable bride.
Posted by pkontk[/QUOTE]

ITA. :)