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Too Hard to pick BM! How to include the other CLOSE friends!

stracy1230stracy1230
in Wedding Party
I am lucky to have a very close group or both high school and college girlfriends. I have 2 sister in laws to be that i have to include in the bridal party. Ive come to the decision taht i will have my HS friends be my other 4 BM.  and it will be easier to just pick one group over the other. I will have 6 total BM and 5 friends that i would love to include in another way. Even though I see a lot more of my college friends and do more going out wiht them.   
I REALLY want to include them in my wedding - what are some ways to do so without sticking them on the undesirable guestbook or cake cutting (joke!). 

please help!:)
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Re: Too Hard to pick BM! How to include the other CLOSE friends!

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_too-hard-to-pick-bm-how-to-include-the-other-close-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d78cdde8-c699-4341-94f5-e771b3cb635bPost:43b5d4f6-a50d-49ce-9989-45fc686cb310">Too Hard to pick BM! How to include the other CLOSE friends!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am lucky to have a very close group or both high school and college girlfriends. I have <strong>2 sister in laws to be that i have to include in the bridal party</strong>. Ive come to the decision taht i will have my HS friends be my other 4 BM.  and it will be easier to just pick one group over the other. I will have 6 total BM and 5 friends that i would love to include in another way. Even though I see a lot more of my college friends and do more going out wiht them.    I REALLY want to include them in my wedding - what are some ways to do so without sticking them on the undesirable guestbook or cake cutting (joke!).  please help!:)
    Posted by stracy1230[/QUOTE]

    Why do you have to include them?

    Just invite the 5 friends to be guests at your wedding.  Being a guest is a honor too.

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  • GiamahoganyGiamahogany member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Give them corsages and have them walk down the aisle as a group before the parents etc., list them as Honored Guest in the program, and let them sit in the front row at the ceremony.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_too-hard-to-pick-bm-how-to-include-the-other-close-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d78cdde8-c699-4341-94f5-e771b3cb635bPost:43d97883-6024-4ad3-b85a-f0efc2be2d29">Re: Too Hard to pick BM! How to include the other CLOSE friends!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Give them corsages and have them walk down the aisle as a group before the parents etc., list them as Honored Guest in the program, and let them sit in the front row at the ceremony.
    Posted by Giamahogany[/QUOTE]

    Don't listen to this, this is horrible advice.  By doing this you make your 5 friends feel like they weren't good enough to be BMs but then you make the rest of your guests feel like they aren't as special to you as the 5 friends.

    There is only two ways to go:  1)have them all be BMs or 2) invite them as guests, just regular guests.

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  • gurrlballa10gurrlballa10
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_too-hard-to-pick-bm-how-to-include-the-other-close-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d78cdde8-c699-4341-94f5-e771b3cb635bPost:43d97883-6024-4ad3-b85a-f0efc2be2d29">Re: Too Hard to pick BM! How to include the other CLOSE friends!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Give them corsages and have them walk down the aisle as a group before the parents etc., list them as Honored Guest in the program, and let them sit in the front row at the ceremony.
    Posted by Giamahogany[/QUOTE]

    You really don't give very good advice.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_too-hard-to-pick-bm-how-to-include-the-other-close-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d78cdde8-c699-4341-94f5-e771b3cb635bPost:e316f664-4a77-4cf8-b16d-f89dff48625e">Re: Too Hard to pick BM! How to include the other CLOSE friends!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too Hard to pick BM! How to include the other CLOSE friends! : You really don't give very good advice.
    Posted by gurrlballa10[/QUOTE]

    This made me giggle!

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  • lls31lls31 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I have many close girlfriends.  I couldn't decide which few to choose as BMs, so I didn't choose any of them.  I am having my sister and FSIL and that is it.  I'm sure my friends will be very happy to come to our wedding just as guests.
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  • afeliz79afeliz79 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    What I don't get is, why you are deciding to have your HS friends instead of you college friends whom you say you are much closer to right now.
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_too-hard-to-pick-bm-how-to-include-the-other-close-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d78cdde8-c699-4341-94f5-e771b3cb635bPost:1ee4dd32-710e-443a-923c-a888c6fca151">Re: Too Hard to pick BM! How to include the other CLOSE friends!</a>:
    [QUOTE]What I don't get is, why you are deciding to have your HS friends instead of you college friends whom you say you are much closer to right now.
    Posted by afeliz79[/QUOTE]

    I was wondering about this too.  I understand family dynamics might make it easier to include the SILs, but I wouldn't feel pressured to include anyone.  It usually doesn't turn out well.  And I would include the people I was closest to now, as opposed to people I didn't really see anymore.

    Other roles you could ask people to fill - reader, soloist, participating in the presentation of gifts (if you and they are Catholic).  Otherwise, guest is an honor and getting a nice picture together would be good.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Why can't you have them all as BM?   If it's cost then just invite the other friends as guests.

    PPs are right that no one wants to be listed as an 'honored guest'.   It looks like a consolation prize to the girls that weren't BMs and it can royally irritate the older family members who really are the honored guests. 

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  • SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
    First Comment
    If it's that big of a problem, I'd just ask your SIL's to be bridesmaids and call it a day. Feelings won't get as hurt if you just do family.

    And if you want to include your friends, ask them to help with the guestbook or do readings. Or they could sing. But you don't have to do anything.
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  • Kath1083Kath1083 member
    First Comment
    First of all please dont ask someone to be in charge of the guestbook- it is not a real thing.  Secondly, why don't you ask all of your friends if you feel that strongly about it.  Or as stated above just have them as guests.  Picking bridesmaids was one of my least favorite things to do in that I still question not choosing another one of my friends.  However, people understand that you can not have everyone up there. 
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  • silver0319silver0319 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    I may be a little late to the thread, but please don't ask them to do anything besides attend as guests!  

    A childhood friend got married recently, and had her sisters and SILs as her BMs.  She felt "bad" about not asking a few of us to be in the wedding, and instead asked us to do some of the decorating at the church.  While I get that she didn't want us to feel left out, I would have much rather been a guest than having to run around decorating the church and handing out programs and bubbles.  
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  • GiamahoganyGiamahogany member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Wow I didn't realize that some people get really offended when things are not what they consider to be "The Norm". I 'm not sure what kind of friends you guys have but I have a group of 6 friends that I am close with that I've been friends with since Kindergarten. Then I have a second group of close friends that I meet in college. We all get together at least every other month. What I decided to do is ask one of my friends from the first group to be a bridesmaid, because I speak to her almost every day, My sister is my MOH and my first cousin is my Matron of Honor, the last bridesmaid is a Cousin in Law who is always there for me whenever I need her. I am not making my other friends anything but guest. But I attended a wedding a few months ago and the young women had a few of her close friends and relatives as honored guest and they walked down the aisle etc. It seemed from the outside looking in as a nice gesture and no one seemed to be offended at all. If you have friends who would be offended at any gesture that you extend to them, then maybe they shouldn't be considered your friends, and that may be the reason you didn't extend the offer to them in the first place.
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  • GiamahoganyGiamahogany member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    #met (sorry for the spelling mistake)
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