Sibling WP Question

Carrie0930

I was thinking about wedding parties and how many of you had all of your siblings in your WP?

FIrst of all, let me just say my wedding is really far away and I'm not even considering asking anyone until 9 months or so before the wedding, it's just things I have been thinking about and am curious about. 

My sisters and SIL each had about 5-6 attendants.  My two sisters picked each other as MOH (even though they don't have anything in common and don't really get a long) and I was a FG in my oldest sister's wedding and a BM in the other.  All three of us were BM in my SIL's wedding.  I am planning on inviting 100 people so I think more than 4 or 5 attendants will look ridiculous. 

Now let me say I am neither close or not close to my siblings.  I am less close to my brother because I see him infrequently.  I talk to my sisters when I see them but neither of them is my BF.  They are also a lot older than me (sisters are 15 and 13 years older and brother is 9 years older).  Now originally I was thinking I would have my sisters and SIL all be BMs and then have maybe one other BM and my best friend be MOH.  But when I was talking to my FI it seems likely he is going to pick some women to be his attendants.  And then I thought if that happens then it will be extremely rude of me to have my sisters and SIL and not my brother, if we have cross-gender attendants. 

I tell my FI he is lucky that he is an only child in that he doesn't have to worry about hurting his siblings' feelings.  I was thinking since I am not really super close to my siblings that I would just have friends but I think that would hurt my sisters feelings.

Any brides with a moderate or large amount of siblings that can share their experience with siblings and WPs? 

gottahavashorti

We included our siblings but not FI's step-siblings  (Edit: no in-laws but if applicable they probably would not have been included). It is expected among most of our friends and by our siblings that the bride's sisters and groom's brothers are included in the WP (but most don't have more than 2 siblings) and if there is one sister she is usually MOH.  We never considered not having them in the WP.

It sounds like it's the norm in your family, but is it expected?  Since you're not too close to your siblings and there is an age gap, I think it would be ok to not include them unless you're having a large WP.  Don't worry too much about a large WP looking odd for a smaller than average wedding, though.

megk8oz

I'm not sure if this counts as a "large" amount, but I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. DH has 1 sister, and 2 extremely close friends that he refers to as "brothers", and we involved them all.

All of the sisters were BMs (My 1 sister was the MOH), with the exception of my youngest (Who was 9 at the time, and has Aspergers Syndrome) all of the "brothers" were GMs (1 of DH's friends was the Best Man). I am from a family were it's considered a slap in the face to not include your siblings.

My youngest brother can be very unpredictable with his behavior ... something he's done 500 times without a problem can make him freak out like the world is ending at the drop of a hat. My mother was actually the one that said not to have him in the actual WP. So we just had him escort my mom down the aisle, and we figured if right before the ceremony, he decided he didn't want to, we'd let it go.

As for my other brother and his sister, we knew we wanted them in the BP, but we also knew that mixed-gender sides were ok, so we just asked them whose side they wanted to stand on. We also told them if at any time, they wanted to switch sides, they were more than welcome to, even if the other one didn't (And, in turn, create *gasp* uneven sides). They wound up each deciding to stand on the more "traditional" side, so we did end up with even, same sex sides in the end ... but I really could have cared less if it didn't work out that way, as long as they were up there with us somehow.

I did not have any friends standing up for me. But at the time, there was nobody I was super-close with, and I knew including my one sister was going to put stress on me (She can be difficult ... turned out, both of my sisters are difficult, lol), and I just didn't want to be bothered having to worry about anymore people ordering the dress on time, lol. I know it's not for everybody, but I have no regrets (Even with some of my friendships being stronger now), and had I to do it all over again, I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Here's the thing, if you're from a family like mine, then yes, ask your sisters and brother to stand up (And if they choose not to, fine). If you're from a family that wouldn't care, and you really don't want to ask them, then don't. But don't make your BP decision based on the sides being mixed or uneven. If your FI has girls on his side, that doesn't mean you need guys on yours if you don't want them. It should be the people that are most important to you that you can't imagine saying your vows without them standing up there next to you.

Carrie0930

Well I guess if I were picking based on who I'm closest too I would pick my best friend as my MOH (as things stand now I still plan on her being MOH over my sisters) and then a male friend from out of state and a female friend as BMs and I would only have three.  And then if I added my sisters that would be 5, and with my brother would be 6.  I would still be okay with that.  But then my SIL had me in her wedding and I know you don't have to make someone a BM just because you were one of theirs but it doesn't feel right leaving her out.  And then I think since in this scenario all my siblings and a SIL are involved, do I have to ask my BIL too or will that seem like a slap in the face to be the only one not included.