Forget About It

Musicheals71

Musicheals71

Wow, funny, my Club Board didn't act this way at all when I posted this post, StageManager14.  Did I stumble onto the Snarky Brides Board by mistake?



I am not judgmental, I am stating facts about the way she is.  Also, she told me she's not comfortable standing in front of large groups of people, so I feel these characteristics may have something to do with it.  I have been nothing but nice and supportive of her, but she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid, and I've accepted it.

Musicheals71

I think I have the right to post whatever I want, Stagemanager, just as you do.  I was venting on the appropriate board.  I didn't ask for criticism.  BTW, my Wedding Club Board is international as well, and they didn't attack me like you did.

gottahavashorti

[QUOTE]So my future stepdaughter told me on the phone last night that after thinking it over, she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid after all.  I'm a little disappointed, but I'm not surprised. <strong> She is 22, but she's very socially awkward and immature for someone her age, not to mention she is 6 feet tall and weighs close to 300 lbs. (I kid you not), </strong>which probably makes her feel self-conscious.  I feel a little rejected, but kind of relieved because I think she just would've been miserable the whole time and who needs that?  I'm not going to fill the gap with anyone else since there's really nothing wrong in this day and age to have uneven wedding parties, and I also think it's just too late to ask anyone else at this point.
Posted by Musicheals71[/QUOTE]
I don't understand how this would make her not want to be a bridesmaid.  Plenty of people aren't comfortable standing in front of large group despite size or whether they feel socially awkward.  The way you've worded it, it sounds like you're judging her for her body and social grace, even if that's not true at all. 

If you had said that she wasn't comfortable in front of large crowds or maybe that she isn't terribly close to you (no idea whether that's the case), you would get different responses.  We can only go off of what you've said, though.

Gosh Stage, the whole Snarky Brides things is following you around tonight!  I thought the snarky brides board was just a bunch of regs discussing inside jokes.

gottahavashorti

I wish there was a Bridezilla board.  Or a board for sorry FIs/DHs.

Music, club boards tend to be a lot less straightforward than other international boards.  It may have been just a vent, but it came across poorly.

blackfire5th

Wow Music, don't you sound like a loving and caring soon to be stepmom.

You could have just left it at "she doesn't like to stand up in front of crowds."  You could have even added "I think it is because she feels self conscious about her weight."

Not "she is six feet tall and weights 300lb, I kid you not."

No wonder she doesn't feel comfortable about her weight, her own step-mother doesn't help her with body image.  

She is not the immature one here.

blackfire5th

She went and complained about us on her club board.<div>
</div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_check-out-this-chick-attacking">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_check-out-this-chick-attacking</a></div><div>
</div><div>The first response is great:  </div><div><span style="color:#000000;font-family:'Times New Roman';line-height:normal;font-size:medium;" class="Apple-style-span"><div style="font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:10px;background-color:initial;background-image:none;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;color:#1f1f1f;font:normal normal normal 11px/14px Arial, sans-serif;text-align:left;">In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_check-out-this-chick-attacking?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:594Discussion:83758652-189f-4ffa-99b9-7a519aa04df9Post:4912e9a7-52b2-42d7-8891-021c1773bcc3">Re: Check Out This Chick Attacking Me...</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think she was trying to attack you, she just felt bad to hear you say that about your future step daughter and was standing up for her.
Posted by nightmare_of_beauty[/QUOTE]
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jaimed99

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_xp-future-stepdaughter-doesnt-want-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d9a0662f-571c-4ea9-8043-45db013202fePost:00253604-5b3e-4310-8338-2649038c2629">Re: XP: Future Stepdaughter Doesn't Want to Be A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]She went and complained about us on her club board. <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_check-out-this-chick-attacking" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2010-weddings_check-out-this-chick-attacking</a> The first response is great:   In Response to  Re: Check Out This Chick Attacking Me... :
Posted by blackfire5th[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow...and she calls her FSD immature...</div>

zitiqueen

Sounds like her club board doesn't really have her back either.

felicia220

OP, I agree that you may have come off the wrong way.  It would nice if you reread your post and saw how harsh you were towards your FSD.  I just hope that she doesn't ever come on the boards and see what you wrote because I think it would upset her.  But I have seen you post before and I don't take you for a harsh person.  But if I had to judge you solely based on this post, I would think you were a little mean.  

Mrs.B6302007

I do think you are doing the right thing by not replacing her.  I also think you could have left out her size details and just put that you were venting/disappointed.

lalap69

I agree with PPs.  As I was reading I was wondering "where is this going?"  And then I saw that it went basically nowhere.  You basically just bashed on your FSD for no reason.

trix1223

Sorry OP, but I agree.  Putting in the details about your future SD's height/weight was just mean-spirited.  It became mean-spirited when you added "I kid you not".  That was uncalled for and made you seem unkind and sounded like you were making fun of her.

You're not going to get much validation here.  You were wrong.  Just wrong.

trix1223

melissa, why do you consider this board ridiculous?

trix1223

Ah....a DD between when I typed and when I posted.  Someone named Melissa had posted that she thought this board was rEdiculous.  Hence, my follow-up question.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_xp-future-stepdaughter-doesnt-want-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d9a0662f-571c-4ea9-8043-45db013202fePost:114f9426-eee6-488d-97b4-8670de77fd29">Re: XP: Future Stepdaughter Doesn't Want to Be A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with PPs.  As I was reading I was wondering "where is this going?"  And then I saw that it went basically nowhere.  You basically just bashed on your FSD for no reason.
Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

<div>This.  If those put downs had been buried in a question, there may have been a point.  But the whole point of this post is to tell a bunch of strangers that she's fat and not going to be in your wedding?  Nice.  </div>

Mrs.B6302007

I saw it too, Trix.

I think she meant to say rIdiculously entertaining.  Or perhaps correct?

alexlad

I really feel it might benefit yall's future relationship to talk to her. Let her know you respect her decision but would really love her to be in the wedding (whether you want her to or not I think you might regret it in the future if she isn't).

Maybe she will open up to you about her concerns if it is a weight issue. It would be great if you could really plan on something for her to wear etc that would make her feel beautiful if this is the issue. Weddings have a way of building connections between people that can last a lifetime(other then the bride/groom). It also feels great to make another person feel good about themselves and it could help you focus on the bigger things in life than the wedding.(not saying you have this problem) but we could probably all use this reminder when stressing about wedding plans

Musicheals71

Alexlad:  thank you.

MyNameIsNot

Shocking.  A DD from a woman that picks on her stepdaughter and calls her immature.  

Pot, meet kettle.

jagore08

Music, you do realize that your OP was quoted so your DD was unnecessary.  Your words are still in this thread.

blackfire5th

After reading her OP on Sept. 2010, it sounds like there are underlying issues here.  Posting on her club board made sense because they knew the backstory.

 I have no idea why she posted over here about it.

Marilynor

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_xp-future-stepdaughter-doesnt-want-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:d9a0662f-571c-4ea9-8043-45db013202fePost:a86cbed8-56e5-43da-be72-09bec18c8bd8">Re: XP: Future Stepdaughter Doesn't Want to Be A Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow, funny, my Club Board didn't act this way at all when I posted this post, StageManager14.  <strong>Did I stumble onto the Snarky Brides Board by mistake</strong>? I am not judgmental, I am stating facts about the way she is.  Also, she told me she's not comfortable standing in front of large groups of people, so I feel these characteristics may have something to do with it.  I have been nothing but nice and supportive of her, but she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid, and I've accepted it.
Posted by Musicheals71[/QUOTE]


Yes you did! I felt the same way when I needed advice and was confused about something.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /> They were so mean to me.But than again you want people to be honest right?Now I understand why they were so crude LOL.They are nice ladies and very very honest! nothing personal.

stina93446

Music, I have seen you post before on E I think and I've never gotten a bad vibe from you, but to be honest, your post is just so harsh on your FSD. Mentioning her weight and body type and then saying "kid you not" just sounds really mean. And your club board will ALWAYS be nicer than the international forums. I'd really think about what you post on here before you press "add post." Next time, don't bad mouth anyone in your post and say that it's a vent. When people vent, they say things they don't necessarily mean. 

Also, complaining about your post here on your club board is not wise either. Anyone can see your posts. I am not telling you that you can't post. This is more of a warning that we can see everything.

Musicheals71

I suck, OK?  Sorry I even bothered.

stina93446

No one said you suck. 

aerinpegadrak

It's also a little weird to vent to a board where you don't usually post.  I mean, I've posted some sort of random things to WP, but this is kind of my home board.  I know I've seen you post elsewhere and you seem pretty chill, but if this post is the ONLY impression people have of you, as it is for a lot of our regulars here, you're just not going to come off very well.

Musicheals71

I APOLOGIZE, PLEASE DROP IT, I'M NOT THE FIRST PERSON, NOR THE LAST, TO MAKE A DAMN MISTAKE ON THIS BOARD, THANK YOU!!!