Bridal Party Drama.

mster233

One of my bridesmaids recently told me her husband lost his job.  So my problem is two-fold.  1. She told me she had to drop out of my wedding bc its' too expensive (my budget is $8,000) but she is in another wedding that is 4x as expensive as mine and she hasn't dropped out of that one.  How upset should I be?

2. Should I offer to pay for her dress?

AddieCake

I don't understand what your wedding budget vs. another person's wedding budget has to do with it. She can't afford dresses, etc, for both weddings and has chosen the other. If you want to offer to pay for her dress, that would be a lovely gesture.

beardownbchs

I agree with Addie. Your budget vs. this other couple's budget has nothing to do with the cost of the bridemaids dresses. It would be super nice of you to offer to pay for her dress. 

CallaLily25

If you can afford it, I think offering to pay for her dress would be very nice of you. If you can't afford to do this, then respect her decision to drop out due to financial constraints. You have every right to be disappointed, but try not to make her feel worse. I'm sure she is under a lot of stress right now and could use a supportive friend.

mlg78

You also don't know all the details of the other wedding.  Perhaps that bride has already offered to pay for the dress...or maybe she's already got money down on it and she's better off paying it off rather than losing that money...or maybe she still plans to back out of that one but the opportunity hasn't been right.

Focus on your own wedding and take the advice above and be a supportive friend and not all worried about yourself.

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d9acbaa0-4fa8-483f-81bf-28e93908b669Post:bc887dfa-4842-4bce-9d0d-a3eee335424d">Bridal Party Drama.</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids recently told me her husband lost his job.  So my problem is two-fold.  1. She told me she had to drop out of my wedding bc its' too expensive (my budget is $8,000) but she is in another wedding that is 4x as expensive as mine and she hasn't dropped out of that one.  How upset should I be? 2. Should I offer to pay for her dress?
Posted by mster233[/QUOTE]

<div>So sorry to hear! You must be disappointed, hurt, confused, etc., right now. It's very easy to fall into negative thinking, like, "well, she had money for THAT, but not my wedding. She must not be a good friend." However, after the initial shock, it will be fine. You can continue to have a completely normal friendship if you can just let it go. It's just one night, and even if she is not standing up with you, she will still be there at your wedding. I don't have any information on the other wedding. Maybe she committed to it first, and already invested in her dress deposit. Perhaps she had no idea what she was getting into pricewise and is learning now from the costs of the other wedding. Maybe backing out would be more complicated due to family politics, already ordering the dress, or already commiting to co-hosting a shower or b-party. I think it is important for you to be understanding, compassionate, and not ask any questions about why that wedding and not mine. This is nothing to end a friendship over.</div><div>
</div><div>I actually don't think you should offer to pay for the dress. It sounds like she already backed out. If she came to you with her concerns first, I would say yes, you should have offered. However, it could be really awkward for you both if she is relieved to be released from her duties, only to have you call her and try to pull her back into it. </div><div>
</div><div>Something you probably aren't thinking of is that she is going to be pressured by other bridesmaids to spend money for the shower, b-party, and such. I had a BM that came to me saying she was going to have trouble paying for things and I paid for her dress. However, she is constantly being hit up to attend and contribute to things by the other girls who are very excited about creating decorations and favors for the shower, doing a big night out for the b-party, and all staying over at the hotel the night before the wedding. I've tried to talk them into doing less expensive things to accommodate her, but it has definitely caused tension. Your friend may realize this and even offering to pay for the dress won't help completely. You and she will be so much better off if she comes as a guest.</div>

AJuliaNJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridal-party-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d9acbaa0-4fa8-483f-81bf-28e93908b669Post:e34eb4e8-800c-4949-9fe9-2d43cb56c36e">Re: Bridal Party Drama.</a>:
[QUOTE]However, she is constantly being hit up to attend and contribute to things by the other girls who are very excited about creating decorations and favors for the shower, doing a big night out for the b-party, and all staying over at the hotel the night before the wedding. I've tried to talk them into doing less expensive things to accommodate her, but it has definitely caused tension. You have a moral responsibility to step in if that sort of thing is going on.  They shouldn't be doing that to anyone.  What the hostess is supposed to do is pay for the party, OR ask others if they WANT to co-host.  If they do, then what they contribute is up to them, not her.  What should have happened is a collection of available funds, THEN planning of an activity based on what was available. A bride has a moral obligation to intervene if her wedding party and possibly other friends are being gouged this way, including declining the party, if it comes to that.  This is a severe breach of etiquette on her behalf.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>I do intervene (that's what I meant by saying that I try to talk them into less expensive things).  I don't want to hijack this thread. The point I am trying to make is that even if you offer to pay for her dress, the financial issues will not necessarily completely go away, so if she has specifically stated she can't be a bridesmaid, it will be better for you and her if she is a guest.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

aquari0216

Let it go......ad keep planning your big day....i see no drama here unless you bring it.....i understand your disappointment but if u have the money to pay for her dress, thats very nice of you....i wish i couldve but thats definitely out of our small budget