The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!

s_hazeleyes

So, I have 4 bridesmaids and my MOH. Everyone has tried on dresses ( 2 have already purchased) except for my MOH. Everytime I speak to her she's out shopping or getting her eyelashes, hair, nails done which is fine bc that's her business...BUT, I spoke with her on the phone yesterday while she was getting a mani/pedi and asked if she was going to try on dresses and she said yes. She was suppose to try them on last week but didn't have the money. 

I sent her a text this morning asking if she could send me some pics of the dresses and she replied with, "Ugh, didn't go! Ran out of time...I know I'm the world's worst MOH.

We were told that if the dresses were ordered 2 weeks ago they would come in right after Xmas. It's past the 2 weeks!

I love her to death, but should I say something at this point? I'm trying not to get frustrated about the situation but I'm in panic mode! Worried she wont order in time! It's always some reason why she hasnt tried on dresses. 

msuprincess04

Give her the last possible date to order the dress then drop it. She's an adult. She either gets the dress or she doesn't. And if she doesn't then she's decided she no longer wants to be in your wedding or you can choose to let her wear a different dress.
 
This really is a situation where you need to stop hounding her and put your drive and energy elsewhere.

s_hazeleyes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-worlds-worst-mohher-words-not-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:da1ae3ec-f7cd-4c5e-84ed-3ed29acb382bPost:02f9145e-13a2-4ab5-a571-d5eafaa67e7e">Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]Give her the last possible date to order the dress then drop it. She's an adult. She either gets the dress or she doesn't. And if she doesn't then she's decided she no longer wants to be in your wedding or you can choose to let her wear a different dress.   This really is a situation where you need to stop hounding her and put your drive and energy elsewhere.
Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]

<div>Hmmm...wasn't aware that asking her 1x if she tried dresses on was "hounding" but ok.</div>

s_hazeleyes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-worlds-worst-mohher-words-not-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:da1ae3ec-f7cd-4c5e-84ed-3ed29acb382bPost:02f9145e-13a2-4ab5-a571-d5eafaa67e7e">Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]Give her the last possible date to order the dress then drop it. She's an adult. She either gets the dress or she doesn't. And if she doesn't then she's decided she no longer wants to be in your wedding or you can choose to let her wear a different dress.   This really is a situation where you need to stop hounding her and put your drive and energy elsewhere.
Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]

<div>Hmmm...wasn't aware that asking her 1x if she tried dresses on was "hounding" but ok.</div>

s_hazeleyes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-worlds-worst-mohher-words-not-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:da1ae3ec-f7cd-4c5e-84ed-3ed29acb382bPost:0d37aff9-b5a5-432e-b85d-e8de7bcc8737">Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine! : Today you spoke to her yesterday?  Anyway, it sounds like you have actually asked her several times - how else would you know that she was going to go shopping last week but didn't have the money? "Hi MOH, the last date to order the dress is September 28th so I hope that works for you.  So how was that mani/pedi you had the other day?  Do you have big plans for the weekend?"
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

<div>Whoops! ...yesterday! :)</div><div>
</div><div>Not sure how it sounds like I've asked several times but of course I've spoken to her several times...She's my MOH. Lol! I never said anything about asking her about dresses except for 1x. When we talk, she talks to me about what's going on in life and mentioned she went shopping but didnt have enough for the dress. Asking is not the only way a person can get info. It was offered up. Yesterday was the first time I've asked about the dress. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm not in the business of hounding ppl so that is why I've only asked 1x.</div>

s_hazeleyes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-worlds-worst-mohher-words-not-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:da1ae3ec-f7cd-4c5e-84ed-3ed29acb382bPost:0d37aff9-b5a5-432e-b85d-e8de7bcc8737">Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine! : Today you spoke to her yesterday?  Anyway, it sounds like you have actually asked her several times - how else would you know that she was going to go shopping last week but didn't have the money? "Hi MOH, the last date to order the dress is September 28th so I hope that works for you.  So how was that mani/pedi you had the other day?  Do you have big plans for the weekend?"
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

<div>Whoops! ...yesterday! :)</div><div>
</div><div>Not sure how it sounds like I've asked several times but of course I've spoken to her several times...She's my MOH. Lol! I never said anything about asking her about dresses except for 1x. When we talk, she talks to me about what's going on in life and mentioned she went shopping but didnt have enough for the dress. Asking is not the only way a person can get info. It was offered up. Yesterday was the first time I've asked about the dress. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm not in the business of hounding ppl so that is why I've only asked 1x.</div>

[Deleted User]

If I were in your situation (which I kind of am with a groomsmen) I would just let her know that she needs to get in for her dress by what specific date to make sure that her dress comes in time. If she goes later there no guarantee that she'll get the dress in time for your wedding. If she doesn't make the deadline, you have to be prepared with, do you cut her as your MOH or do you let her go with a different dress off the rack or that they can get in time.

gurrlballa10

Also, if you're wedding is correct in your bio, she doesn't need to get her dress right after Christmas.  It takes like a week, 2 at the most to get alterations on a BM dress.

Peledreamsofrain

The unfortunate/fortunate depending on how you look at it aspect of having adults in your Bridal party is that they don't answer to anyone but themselves. Give her the date, then leave it up to her. It's her ball to carry or to drop. If she actually wants to be in the wedding, she'll make it happen. You're not her mother, and you've got other things to worry about. As the date gets closer, you'll be so busy you wont even remember that you have bridesmaids on occassion. Donn't get distracted and obsessively focus on this detail that isn't even your responsibility.

taraowens1983

Say something. If she's your MOH you should have a close enough of a relationship where you can speak your mind. She needs to step it up!

Viczaesar

Your wedding is at the end of March.  There is absolutely no reason that she needs to order the dress right now.  Why would they need the dresses right after Christmas?  Your wedding is 3 MONTHS after that.

s_hazeleyes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-worlds-worst-mohher-words-not-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:da1ae3ec-f7cd-4c5e-84ed-3ed29acb382bPost:1ed716e9-be7f-4665-9fee-22fe7e2bced4">Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine! : Hi you're new here, but no.  The MOH does not need to step it up. OP listen to the other posters.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

<div>It's <span style="background-color:#ebf4fb;font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;">taraowens1983 opinion that my MOH needs to step it up and it's your opinion that she does not need to step it up. </span></div>

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-worlds-worst-mohher-words-not-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:da1ae3ec-f7cd-4c5e-84ed-3ed29acb382bPost:38fa3915-5a51-4fc9-abac-aee205778cc0">Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine! : It's  taraowens1983 opinion that my MOH needs to step it up and it's your opinion that she does not need to step it up. 
Posted by s_hazeleyes[/QUOTE]

And one of them is right and the other is wrong. What does your MOH need to "step up" to do? Of course she needs to get her dress. But she doesn't need to get it rightthisminute. One of my BMs picked up her dress this past weekend and hasn't gotten alterations done yet. My wedding is in less than three weeks. There is no reason to freak out.

Like PPs said, all you can do is tell her the absolute last day she can order her dress and get it on time. After that, it's up to her. We had to do this with one of the GMs. We told all GMs if they didn't get measured for the tux rental by September 9, they would end up having to pay extra to rush the order. All but one got measured before the deadline, two of them just shy of it. The one who didn't get measured still hasn't, and if he doesn't, he's taken himself out of the wedding. Again, no freaking out necessary.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-worlds-worst-mohher-words-not-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:da1ae3ec-f7cd-4c5e-84ed-3ed29acb382bPost:38fa3915-5a51-4fc9-abac-aee205778cc0">Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine! : It's  taraowens1983 opinion that my MOH needs to step it up and it's your opinion that she does not need to step it up. 
Posted by s_hazeleyes[/QUOTE]

Tara gave you some bad advice even if it is what you wanted to hear.

Stina51286

I was asked to be in my sister's wedding 3.5 months before the wedding. I ordered the dress the week after she asked me. Did not have to have it rush delivery. It got to the bridal shop just a tad under one month before the wedding. I had alterations done two weeks before the wedding. It was fine.

Leave her be, she is an adult.

32daisies

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-worlds-worst-mohher-words-not-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:da1ae3ec-f7cd-4c5e-84ed-3ed29acb382bPost:aa866432-a511-434b-aac7-0175270f485f">Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine! : Hazeleyes, we're trying to help you handle this.  When someone gives bad advice, posters like to point it out to prevent the OP from making mistakes we've seen a thousand times around here. By all means, have a big old chat with your MOH and tell her what she's doing wrong.  I'm sure that will go well.
Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

It definitely wouldn't.

As a complete aside, though, I think this is a good rule of them a lot of us should keep in mind when choosing a MOH and the WP in general though, you know? Because I can't imagine having to even hesitate to have *any* kind of conversation with my MOH (Man of Honor, actually), because of course I know he'll be there with bells on before I even need to ask. That's why I asked him to do this for me. :) But otoh, there's a bridesmaid I know is going to make me grit my teeth a little. I'm not saying I regret asking her per se... but the point is, you know, things to think about before choosing your WP, for sure!

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-worlds-worst-mohher-words-not-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:da1ae3ec-f7cd-4c5e-84ed-3ed29acb382bPost:38fa3915-5a51-4fc9-abac-aee205778cc0">Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine! : It's  taraowens1983 opinion that my MOH needs to step it up and it's your opinion that she does not need to step it up. 
Posted by s_hazeleyes[/QUOTE]

<div>You know what?  If that's what you want to hear, go ahead and call the MOH and tell her she's a crappy friend for not ordering a dress in time to get it 3 months before needing it.  Tell her she needs to step it up an make your wedding a priority in her life, and that if she doesn't, you're going to find someone who will.</div><div>
</div><div>I mean, who cares if she stays your friend?  It obviously isn't that important to you.  All you care about is controlling her a making her abide by your ridiculous an arbitrary deadlines.  </div>

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_the-worlds-worst-mohher-words-not-mine?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:da1ae3ec-f7cd-4c5e-84ed-3ed29acb382bPost:4610f3c5-5adc-4583-a863-737f324078d1">Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The Worlds Worst MOH...Her words, not mine! : You know what?  If that's what you want to hear, go ahead and call the MOH and tell her she's a crappy friend for not ordering a dress in time to get it 3 months before needing it.  Tell her she needs to step it up an make your wedding a priority in her life, and that if she doesn't, you're going to find someone who will. I mean, who cares if she stays your friend?  It obviously isn't that important to you.  All you care about is controlling her a making her abide by your ridiculous an arbitrary deadlines.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]


Seriously.

I just don't understand 'asking for advice' if you are going to ignore the clear majority and do something atrociously rude anyway.

Oh well, not my life that's going to be hard to fix after the wedding. 

I'm going to have SO much fun at my wedding and Bach party, because I've been nothing but nice, courteous, and trusting in my BMs.  No regrets and hard feelings shadowing a joyous event ^_^  I'm so excited!