Choosing a Bridal Party out of spite?

MurphysLaw2013

I've talked to my family about this, however I feel as though I need an outside opinion...

I have a large extended family that I am very close with. My cousin and I were best friends growing up being the only two girls for so long. There was never a doubt that we would be in each others wedding. We always told each other we would. She got engaged the month before me. I was talking to her and her brother's GF the other day and they were talking about her bridal party. Through this conversation I learned she has already sent out her invites to her bridesmaids. As they discussed the wedding party in front of me I was heartbroken to learn that she had picked two girls she isn't very close with over me. And she only chose to ask those girls b/c they asked her if they would be in her wedding party! (She felt obligated to have them after that.) Now everyone is telling me not to have her...and i'm torn. I don't want her to not be in my wedding just b/c i'm not in hers. I've always imagined she would be in my wedding. (I am older and a few years out of college so I understand how friendships fade, but my family is forever. She just graduated college in May). I am hurt that she would forget or disregard what we always told each other. I just don't feel important to her. But I don't want to feel like I am making my decision out of spite.

jagore08

Take her WP decision out of the equation.  Do you want her as a BM?  If you do (and it sounds like you do) then ask her.  She can do whatever she wants with her WP.  If you looked at your wedding pictures 10 years from now and she wasn't in them as a BM would you regret it?

violet355

ask her anyway.  and maybe your invite is still in the mail?  sit on your choice for a few days. 

if you really didn't get asked, that that sucks, but are you upset enough that you'd rather not have her by your side just because she didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid?

smartn2sexy08

I had a similar situation happen with my first marriage. Slightly different as there was some in law pressure on my friend to not have me in the wedding. And there was about a year and half time in between our weddings. I chose not to have her as my bridesmaid. I didn;t feel like I chose that out of spite, but out of the fact that I felt like I didn't mean much to her after that, and it showed me something about her. None of us can tell you what to do, you have to figure out what is right for you. Th only thing I can tell you is looking back, I in no way regret my choice. I am more so glad now that I made that choice after the things that have happened over the years with that ex-friend. I hope you are able to make a choice that you can find peace with. Do what is going to make you happy.

MakenziLea

I went though the same thing with my cousins wedding. I put her in my wedding because that's what I would have wanted before all that happened. I know exactly how you feel, it feels cruddy. But do what your heart feels is right, my family told me to do the same thing and I wouldn't change it for the world :-) best of luck to you.

[Deleted User]

Go with your heart on what to do. Go to her wedding, have fun & I know you'll be happy for her. On the positive side, now you can go relax as a guest & not have to worry about getting a BM dress or all that come with being a BM.

MurphysLaw2013

Thank you all for the outside adivce. I've had a night to sleep on it and I believe I've made up my mind. While not being in her wedding hurts I'll look on the bright side and be happy I wont have to deal with any wedding drama since all of her bridesmaids are young. I've been a wedding photographer for a few years and i've seen some pretty bad BM fights from younger girls! I will have her in my wedding as well. I have always imagined she would be in my wedding so I don't think my feelings should get in the way. Thanks again!!

MurphysLaw2013

Yes I have a year so I haven't told anyone anything yet. I figure I have a few months so I'll keep quite and see how I feel in Feburary. My cousin's wedding is in April. When am I supposed to choose my bridal party? 8 or 6 months out?

Dreamergirl8812

Ask her to be your bridesmaid. You said you wanted her to be in your wedding. So she should be. 



In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-a-bridal-party-out-of-spite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:dacb8d96-d907-4739-a2a0-8f5c191aaa49Post:04495bd0-2280-4f87-b0c2-fd9fdbb73715">Choosing a Bridal Party out of spite?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've talked to my family about this, however I feel as though I need an outside opinion... I have a large extended family that I am very close with. My cousin and I were best friends growing up being the only two girls for so long. There was never a doubt that we would be in each others wedding. We always told each other we would. She got engaged the month before me. I was talking to her and her brother's GF the other day and they were talking about her bridal party. Through this conversation I learned she has already sent out her invites to her bridesmaids. As they discussed the wedding party in front of me I was heartbroken to learn that she had picked two girls she isn't very close with over me. And she only chose to ask those girls b/c they asked her if they would be in her wedding party! (She felt obligated to have them after that.) Now everyone is telling me not to have her...and i'm torn. I don't want her to not be in my wedding just b/c i'm not in hers. I've always imagined she would be in my wedding. (I am older and a few years out of college so I understand how friendships fade, but my family is forever. She just graduated college in May). I am hurt that she would forget or disregard what we always told each other. I just don't feel important to her. But I don't want to feel like I am making my decision out of spite.
Posted by MurphysLaw2013[/QUOTE]

AimeeRab

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-a-bridal-party-out-of-spite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:dacb8d96-d907-4739-a2a0-8f5c191aaa49Post:b6859058-714a-4277-8ce2-e059d84d7981">Re: Choosing a Bridal Party out of spite?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all for the outside adivce. I've had a night to sleep on it and I believe I've made up my mind. While not being in her wedding hurts I'll look on the bright side and be happy I wont have to deal with any wedding drama since all of her bridesmaids are young. I've been a wedding photographer for a few years and i've seen some pretty bad BM fights from younger girls! I will have her in my wedding as well. I have always imagined she would be in my wedding so I don't think my feelings should get in the way. Thanks again!!
Posted by MurphysLaw2013[/QUOTE]

<div>I think you are making the right decision. Actually, my FI had a very similar experience. His best friend planned a wedding in four months. My FI supported his friend through it and was expecting an invitation to join the wedding party that never came. Eventually, his best friend told him that they were keeping it very small, only family. That made sense, but when we got to the wedding, he had two groomsmen (out of four) who were not related. My FI was upset. we got engaged a few months later, and after two months of going back and forth we finally decided to include his best friend. When I asked him why he decided the way he did my FI said, "I asked myself if I'd regret not having him by my side that day and the answer was that I would."</div><div>
</div><div>Sure enough, a few weeks after my FI asked his friend (who was super excited and said yes), his friend called him and they had a long talk. Turns out, not having my FI in his wedding was something he had been regreting for months.</div><div>
</div><div>Go with your heart on this one.</div>