Role for a 16-year-old boy?

KimM0915

My fiance's youngest brother is 16, which seems too young to be a groomsman, but clearly too old to be a ring bearer.  We're trying to come up with a role for him, as he is very important to us, but aren't sure what to do with him.  We have thought about a junior groomsman or having him do a reading... any one have other ideas?? Thanks!

anna.oskar

just make him a groomsman.

aerinpegadrak

Ask him what he wants to do.  Chances are good he'll want to be a groomsman, and better that he'll want no role at all.  Boys that age tend to be highly allergic to girly crap like weddings.  There's no problem with having a teenage groosman.

blackfire5th

Groomsmen!  My 17 year old cousin was a bm.

MyNameIsNot

Groomsman.  As long as he is old enough to walk up the aisle, stand quietly during the ceremony and smile for pics, he's old enough.  I've seen a 10 year old do the job.

goheels05

Groomsman.  I can't think of a single reason a 16 year old can't be a groomsman.

mbcdefg

Why is he "too young" to be a groomsman? If he can walk down the aisle, stand/sit quietly for the ceremony, and pose for formal photos without having a temper tantrum, then he's old enough to be a groomsman. Or he can stand on your side as YOUR attendant.

I don't get why a groomsman is not an appropriate role for him, but a "junior groomsman" is A-O.K. It's the exact same thing, you know. If your only concern is the bachelor party, then perhaps your FI can only invite him for a G-rated portion of the party (maybe dinner, bowling, paintball) and then your brother can go home while the adults hit the bar or strip club or whatever.

But if your concern is that he's immature enough to not be able to walk down/up the aisle and not go nuts while the others are standing quietly during the ceremony, then you have a point. Although that's more about his personal maturity than his age, so don't automatically count him out JUST because he's a teenager.

Reader is another option, as is an usher. If you're having a religious wedding, he could participate in a ritual ... bring up Communion, hold huppah poles, light candles, etc. Can he sing or play an instrument?

But if you're truly very close to him, then I think that Groomsman or (your) Attendant/Bridesmaid/Honor Attendant is most appropriate, personally. Your attendants should be the people who are the closest to you, and age and gender doesn't matter in your level of closeness to someone. It would be awful to leave out someone dear to you just because of some pre-conceived notions of what is "normal," right? Who would it be hurting if you made him a groomsman or a bride's attendant?

SarahPLiz

Groomsman is fine.. call  him JR if you must, but there really is no difference. He can still help decorate the car, prank the Groom, etc., and could go to a Bach party as long as he does nothing illegal (drink, look at nekkid chicks... )

BHosford

I agree with everyone above-- Groomsman. My FI's younger brother will be 15  when he's a groomsman in our wedding and is totally excited. Just ask and make sure he's interested

laurening

I vote groomsman. I don't have a problem with the 'junior' designation; I was a jr. bridesmaid at my Aunt's wedding... however, I was only 12. It will come off condescending to give that title to a 16 yr old.

If the main concern is the bachelor party, that shouldn't be enough not to ask him to be a GM. As other posters mentioned, the Best Man and other GM can hopefully organize a fun PG event like paintball, gocarting, baseball game, etc. in the afternoon and then meet up later that night for the bar and/or strip club.

banana468

Why can't he be a groomsman?  I'll echo the other ladies and say he should be one...particularly if he's the FI's brother.  Let your FI ask him. 

jenn.daniel

ask him if he would like to be a groomsman, reader, or nothing.  He's old enough to make up his own mind.

jeannigirl

He is 16 year old guy I really don't think he would be to cool with the JR Title. He will be doing the same thing has a GM just put him in that role and call it good.

It never hurts to ask him he is old enough to answer that.

megk8oz

Lots of girls make their 14-year-old cousins BMs, why can't a 16-year-old guy be a GM again?

Rachel soon to be K

I agree.

My fiance's brother will be 16 when we get married and he's going to be a groomsman.

newgate309

16 isn't too young to be a groomsman... my brother will be 15 and he's going to be a groomsman. I'm also having my 14-year-old cousin as a bridesmaid. It's your wedding, do whatever you want. My 3 flowergirls will all be 9 or 10 at the wedding even though that's "too old."

KimM0915

Yeah I definitely wouldn't have called him a JR to his face haha... I guess I just meant that he might miss the fun stuff and need to rely on his parents for any financial contributions, plus all of my bridesmaids are in their mid-twenties.  I'm not opposed to him being a groomsman at all, but my fiance is also torn between having his brother and one of his friends.  I would MUCH prefer the 16yo brother to the mildly-obnoxious friend, but I've put the decision in his hands.  I know we could have 5 groomsmen and 4 bridesmaids, but I'm a sucker for symmetry!

mbcdefg

What "fun stuff"? A bachelor party? They could always host something G-rated (dinner, billiards, go-karts, paintball) and then your brother can go home and the guys can go to the bar or strip club that night. No big deal.

Why does it matter who pays for his tux/suit? It's really none of your business where any of your attendants get the money. For all you know, your 20-something attendants could be borrowing money from their folks. Unless your parents specifically say that they will not pay for your brother's outfit, then you don't need to worry about it. (And if that's the case, you can either pay for it as a gift to him, or he can get a job or something to pay for it himself if he really wants to be a groomsman.)

Why does symmetry matter? Why would it be a bad thing to have an uneven bridal party, if it's between an uneven bridal party versus excluding someone you love?

If you want your brother included, and your FI doesn't want him as a groomsman, just have your brother as YOUR attendant. Your FI gets his friend and you get your brother. Problem solved.

lyndausvi

groomsmen?   Think about what a GM does.  They rent a suit or tux, they walking down an ailse, stand next to the groom and then walk back up the ailse.  I'm fairly sure a 16 year old can handle that task.

btw - I had my two 9 year old nephews as groomsmen.  They were just fine.