How many BMs is too many?

Cryssteen

OK, many many schools of thought on this.  We are def having three kids in the party (two boys and a girl).  that's the easy part.  Figuring out the adults is proving tricky.  I have a list of nine people who I would truly love to have in my wedding party.  If I cut it to just family, it's going to be four girls.  I would only do that because I think nine is too many.  I think.  Coordination-wise, 4 of them live in Boston, one in NC.  The rest are local (NY).  Logistically - FI and I want to have the same number, and he's basically going through the same thing (4 family, 5 additional friends).  Getting that many people to and from in limos, plus three kids... 23 people.  I think that would be expensive, no?

What do you think?   Is 9 people too many on each side?  I don't know why I have that feeling.... 

Maggie0829

First, you do not have to have even sides.

Second, you should ask your nearest and dearest.  Keep the numbers out of it.  Will a total of 23 attendants be a lot?  Yes.  But do you really want to leave anyone out just because your wedding party may be large?

As far as logistics, it doesn't matter where they are from they can still easily order their dress or tux without issue.

And yes, buying presents and flowers for each of the attendants would be expensive but there are ways to not spend so much, like having each girl carry a single flower instead of a large bouquet.

But in the end, it shouldn't matter how many people in your wedding, what should matter is that each and every person is a close friend or family member that you can't imagine not having standing next to you when you get married.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_how-many-bms-is-too-many?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:dd40617c-37d0-4536-a464-8cc7958b8013Post:15cf77c5-7429-4263-aa84-3d42db6bfb8f">How many BMs is too many?</a>:
[QUOTE]OK, many many schools of thought on this.  We are def having three kids in the party (two boys and a girl).  that's the easy part.  Figuring out the adults is proving tricky.  I have a list of nine people who I would truly love to have in my wedding party.  If I cut it to just family, it's going to be four girls.  I would only do that because I think nine is too many.  I think.  Coordination-wise, 4 of them live in Boston, one in NC.  The rest are local (NY).  Logistically - FI and I want to have the same number, and he's basically going through the same thing (4 family, 5 additional friends).  Getting that many people to and from in limos, plus three kids... 23 people.  I think that would be expensive, no? What do you think?   Is 9 people too many on each side?  I don't know why I have that feeling.... 
Posted by Cryssteen[/QUOTE]
Well, it is a lot.  You're going to have to pay for 23 flowers, 23 gifts, 9 sets of hair/makeup/jewelry/shoes if you're requiring anything specific, 46 spots at the rehearsal dinner...  It can add up really quickly, so you have to make sure you can afford that before you commit.  <div>
</div><div>If you can't imagine getting married without all those people, then go with it.  (And please don't get hung up on even sides; it's fine if it happens but it's also fine if it doesn't, and it's not worth fighting for if it's going to cause problems.)  </div>

AlexaNP

I agree.  There's not really a number that's "too many" as long as they are people who are close to you.  My FI and I are each having 11, and we are cutting down on bouquets (just a few flowers tied together with ribbon).  You just have to consider are they people you really want by your side on that day and can you afford the extra expense it will bring.  I also agree that it doesn't matter where the people in the wedding party are from.  4 of ours our OOT and that hasn't had any effect on getting dresses, etc.  My advice is, if the only reason you would be eliminating people is because the wedding party would be too big, not because of expense or anything else, then I would still include them.

TheSlowskys

Just depends on logistics for your event. I would have loved to include more people but I didn't because of cost part of that being it was important to me to cover the cost of bm dresses. The flowers and gifts, as well as transportation absolutely add up. We are including bp dates in the transportation because there is a gap 9 total in the party 5gm 4bmplus parents and photographer and we has to get a trolley. Pics will take longer as well, and if your bms plan to get ready together you need to have a suite big enough for that. It's also that many more budgets you have to consider and tastes for the dress. I'm happy I've kept it small in the end.

kmmssg

Like everyone else has said, it depends on your logistics and budget.  If you can afford all those flowers, all the gifts, and dinner for 46 (plus family) at the RD, then go for it.  I just really encourage you to really go over your budget first to make sure that price tag works for you.

spartybride3

I think 9 looks silly. Anywhere from 3-5 each is a decent size. And yes, gifts flowers, and transportation, etc do get expensive. Also, it shouldn't matter where they live. All of our bridal party members lived out of town from us & it didn't impact our planning or the wedding at all. 

ifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderful

If you really want all of these ladies in your BP, then go for it. The price will go up and like most situations I've seen with 7-9 bridesmaids, so will the drama.

cmcole4509

9 is tricky. But I agree with what everyone else said, you have to think about who you honestly can't imagine your day without. Also, your sides don't have to be even. I am having 6 BM because I couldn't imagine any of them not being there. They are my sister, my two bffs from my home state, and my roommate and other two bffs from college. My fiance doesn't have as many guys, 4 or maybe 5. We had thought about doubling one guy up with two girls if we needed to because we thought that would be cute/different. But that was just a passing idea. Anywho, my point is your sides don't have to be even. Also, there are other positions that you could use some people for, like ushers, etc. to where they would still have a place and purpose in the wedding but it didn't have to be BM/GM. Like everyone else seems to have said, it depends both on your budget and what you want. But 9 is definitely getting on the larger side.

cmcole4509

Also, I forgot to mention that just because they are a family member doesn't mean they HAVE to be in your wedding party. If you aren't that close to a family member, there isn't anything wrong with not including them in the wedding party. I love my older sister to death, but she is not my maid of honor, she is a BM. My bff from home is my MOH. It all stems from what your relationship is with each of the potential BM/GM

RamonaFlowers

Unless you're a Duggar and have every single one of your 11 sisters as a BM, I tend to think 7+ BMs is ridiculous.

And when I see a ton of BMs/GMs and the sides are even, I tend to just assume that one person asked a bunch of friends without really thinking about it and then the other one had to resort to asking random people on the street just to even things up. I'm not saying that's the case ... but that's definitely what it looks like to me.

mj8215

I have 8 bridesmaids, and I couldn't imagine Not asking one of them. Most of the girls are flying in from Europe (where I'm from) and its a way for me to honor our long standing friendships that are not affected by my move to NY 1.5 years ago. I'm also including fiancé's cousin who I'm not yet very close with but whom I do like and get along with, and he is including my two guy cousins, and I think it's a beautiful gesture to bring families together (I know a lot of people here will disagree). Is there more potential for drama? Certainly, and it's already started (one girl not liking the dress after everyone, including her, agreed on it already, blabla) but I still feel its worth it. Where I'm from we don't really do the whole bridesmaid/groomsmen thing, so to me it's a nice way of honoring my "old" friends with a tradition from my "new" life Sorry this got long...