Only sort of WP related...

sweetpea0911

I don't know how to approach this, so I would like some advice, if you have any to give.  If you don't, well, that's cool too.

My FI and I are best friends with a couple from church in the town where we go to college.  They are amazing people, and we love to spend time with them.  FI and I have expressed interest to each other about having them be our MOH/Best Man.

We had originally expresed interest in staying in our college town after graduation, but soon figured out that due to economic reasons, it is just not feasible.  We will be moving home after graduation in May (home is on the other side of the state).  The issue is that our best friends have now told us they feel it is "God's will that [you] stay in [college town] and we think you're wrong to ignore that call".  Since that discussion in early February (a week after we got engaged!), they have stopped talking to us except in church, and we haven't hung out with them since.

I am very upset, and don't know how to fix this, or if I even can.  Like I said, we wanted to ask them to be party of our bridal party (thank goodness we haven't yet!) so it's kind of a major blow.
 

CN: BFFs of FI and I (who we wish to be MOH/Best Man) knocking off friendship because we're not following what they think is "God's Will" for us.

Any ideas on what to say or do?  Just confused...

stina93446

I am not much help because when people use religion for their only reasoning, I tell them to eff off. If you and FI want to move, do it. You can still ask these friends to be in your BP and call their bluff. Couldn't you technically say that God's will for them is to be supportive of your choices and to be in your BP?! lol

aerinpegadrak

They're being very crappy friends.  If they think your friendship is contingent on them being able to have that kind of control over your lives, then they're simply not very good people.

I'm really sorry you're having to go through this, but it's possible that this friendship has just run its course.  It's just as bad to get dumped by a friend as by a SO, but I think your only options are to leave the door open for if they decide to stop being douchey, but otherwise to mourn the loss of their friendship and move on.

blackfire5th

How in the world could they know what God's call is for you?  I'm with aerin, I think that the friendship might have run it's course.  Remember, it's still an honor to be a guest.

blackfire5th

I'll also add that you have another 8-9 months before you should make wedding party decisions.  I wouldn't worry about this now and re-evaluate everything when you get much closer to your wedding.

abbygrace8

hey girl- i feel your pain. my FI and i are both strong believers. here's the deal- no one else can tell you what God's call for your life is. I've had people try to do that before, and it's spiritual manipulation. I've asked my dad about this kind of thing before (seminary educated), and he agrees that others can't make judgements about God's call on your life for issues like this. If you guys were living in blatant sin and they told you "it's God's will for you to stop," they'd have a point. but a living situation? if you feel the Lord calling you home, go, girl! to ignore what you feel he is telling you to honor that of a friend is direct disobedience. 

i'm sorry that your friends seem to be manipulating you like this- maybe they don't understand the concept of grace? in that, i mean even if they thing you're making the wrong choice, they need to love and support you as a fellow brother and sister in Christ. you're not sinning by going home (unless you feel that God is calling you elsewhere, but it sounds like you don't), so try to love them anyways. maybe sit down with the girlfriend and ask to talk through it- tell her you don't think an issue like this should be a reason to end yall's friendship. I'll be praying for you!

gottahavashorti

If they were true friends, they would support you or at least remain on speaking terms with you regardless of what they think you're called to do.  I'm sorry that you have to go through this.

sweetpea0911

Thanks girls - good to know I'm not crazy for thinking its a bit sad and elementary school like to be acting like this.  I'm not so worried about asking them to be part of the BP right this minute...more worried about saving the friendship if I can!

Told Fi I was going to ask you girls, so I'll share your advice when he gets home from Boys Club tonight and see how he thinks we should proceed.  You girls are really awesome, I appreciate all the help I''ve gotten (just from reading other's post, mostly, haha!)

stina93446

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_only-sort-of-wp-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:defe9184-9105-4493-a4bc-6b09faa392efPost:868ea115-b960-4e9a-aaf0-c76a0faa5d67">Re: Only sort of WP related...</a>:
[QUOTE]Told Fi I was going to ask you girls, so I'll share your advice when he gets home from Boys Club tonight and see how he thinks we should proceed.  
Posted by sweetpea0911[/QUOTE]

<div>Get used to this....I ask all kinds of things on here. Not even remotely wedding related sometimes. DH is always asking "well, what do the knotties say?"</div>

aerinpegadrak

I think this is how (P&)E went totally off the rails.  Started out on topic, then people got chummy and started posting about things that weren't so topical, and now it's kind of open season.

Not that it's a bad thing, but it's kind of funny to see it in action again.  Though this board is better about staying mostly on topic.

saxy414

That sounds really crappy of them, and then on top of not supporting your decision, to say it's because of "God's will."  I'm sorry you're having to go through that, especially with people you were so close to.  Maybe invite them out for coffee or lunch after church some time?  It's a little thing, but it may help salvage the friendship if you want to do that--and you don't have to talk about moving or anything, just be friendly.  If it comes up, explain your reasoning (it's pretty difficult to argue with the economy.  God may have made manna fall from the sky, but I don't think he made money grow on trees anywhere in the Bible).  If they decline, it's on them, and you're right, it's very elementary and sad.  I hope it all works out :-) 

suz62984

Tell them you feel God is opening the door for you to take this direction in life. THis is a matter between God, you and your FI and no one else can know what is best for you. It is inappropriate as christians that they judge you for doing something you feel to be right with your lord.

THis is why I don't get along with the "holier than thou" christians

abbygrace8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_only-sort-of-wp-related?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:defe9184-9105-4493-a4bc-6b09faa392efPost:6c75a611-b5fa-42ba-9f64-879ab2dfe1dd">Re: Only sort of WP related...</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell them you feel God is opening the door for you to take this direction in life. THis is a matter between God, you and your FI and no one else can know what is best for you. It is inappropriate as christians that they judge you for doing something you feel to be right with your lord. <strong>THis is why I don't get along with the "holier than thou" christians</strong>
Posted by suz62984[/QUOTE]

<div>AMEN. I love God with all my heart, but "Holier than Thou" Christians are so difficult for me to deal with! Jesus was the most humble man to ever walk the planet, what makes them think they have the right to act like they've done something really great? God chose THEM- not the other way around. It's not like becoming a Christian is a mark of your own goodness- it's a mark of God's unending love and mercy, that he invites sinners such as us to partake in his kingdom. drives me nuts!</div>

emilykathleen511

In the words of the ever-wise and spiritual Susan B. Anthony (and because I couldn't say it any better than her):
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires."

abbygrace8

i once had a guy tell me it was God's will for me to break up with my boyfriend.... so he could move in. that was original. my parents had to clue me in on that one (i was only 16!)

suz62984

Abby that is hilarious! Emily-I like that quote!

I'm religious too but the holier than thou christians seem like they are only doing it for "show." I have a lot of church issues so i'm a little biased but i've seen sunday school teachers commit adultery, deacons cheat, lie, curse, and do drugs. These are all Holier than thou christians from my old church. I feel like religion is something between you and whom ever you worship; it is not to be pushed upon you like a used car, at a shady dealership, by a guy named Vick with a cigar and a beer gut. 

lalap69

Yeah, that sounds really manipulative to me.  And I think you're right that this is not really a WP issue but a friend issue, and it souns like the friendship may have run its course.

RE: the MOH/BM angle, definitely wait to ask anyone.  You're still a long way away from your wedding and a lot can change in that time, as you're seeing now with the way this friendship has changed.  I'd wait until you're a year out to ask anyone, especially with an event as big as this move on the horizon.

GL.