Un-official BM

dtbluv

I'm not getting married till July 2014, so I haven't worried/thought about the bridal party at all since I've been engaged.  That being said, I do have one friend that I am absolutely certain will be a BM or MOH (not sure about having a MOH in general, I don't like picking one person to be higher than others, but I might get over that).  We've known each other for 20 years, she goes on all our family vacations with us, she lived with my parents for a summer during college, and my friendship with her has helped make me into the person I am today.  I cannot imagine getting married without her by my side.

That being said, she's put stuff on my FB about being a BM (like pictures of ugly dresses saying "don't make me wear this!" and things like that), and I've responded in ways that make it obvious that she will be in the WP even though I haven't officially asker her, not thinking about how public it is.  Now other friends are asking me who is in my bridal party, or even if they are going to be bridesmaids.  I can't say "Oh, I haven't thought about that at all yet" since I've already sort of put it out there that this friend is going to be a BM.  I feel like I put myself into a sticky situation, and I have no idea how to respond to people.  Any advice?

AdeleDazeem

Ah, you've learned Wedding Lession #1: Keep it off Facebook.  Good.  Remember that as you go on planning.

If people ask you point blank, you can just say "Oh, the wedding is so far away.  I have ideas but nothing is really set in stone and won't be for a year.  How are you?  What's going on in your world?"

They have no right to ask and you don't owe them an answer.  Be vague and change the subject.

And don't discuss it - on Facebook or anywhere else - from now on.

Summer2011Bride

I agree with Joy. Now that you know FB and weddings don't mix, keep future communications with her off FB. Honestly if she posted on your wall about a dress or being in the WP, I'd delete it and let her know why.

To the people asking, who shouldn't be asking to begin with: I agree to just tell them nothing is set in stone yet because it's so far out and then change the subject.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_un-official-bm?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e30a2846-dc99-4da5-ad53-d4c40a36179dPost:f59a60f8-bae9-4a88-a992-d80c347df261">Re: Un-official BM</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto everyone else.  Although, if this is truly your closest friend in the world, I don't think that it's true that you can't use the "I haven't really thought much about it" line still.  My best friend was automatically going to be in my wedding no matter what, even if we did a private ceremony with just our parents and siblings.  No one ever questioned him being in the WP even long before we'd made any other decisions. If someone asks, just say "oh, it's so far away that I haven't thought much about it, and even if I do have BMs, I don't intend to ask anyone for awhile yet." If they respond with, but "Jenny is in the wedding already! I saw it on FB", respond with something light hearted like "Oh, well Jenny was in the wedding before FI was, but I haven't decided on anything else at all." and then change the subject.  I don't advise people to advertise having closer feelings for one person than another as a general rule, but the fact is that when two people are joined-at-the-hip-practically-sibling close, their friends and family know.  And acting like all people are created 100% equal in friendship is just silly.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Yup all of this. I knew before I got engaged that my sister was my MOH and my best friend since 3rd grade was going to be up there with me. I asked them far before the rest of my bridal party. The others all knew that and completely understood.