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WHAT DO I DO????

amalia0525amalia0525
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in Wedding Party

I need help... I am getting married in April and have 4 Bridesmaids.  One of them is going through a lot of family things currently. 
I had lunch with her months ago and i told her that i loved her and wanted her to be a part of the wedding but that i didnt want to stress her anymore then she already was.  She said that my wedding was the one thing she was looking forward to and that she wouldnt miss it.  I also explained to her that all i expect her to do is to be there for rehearsal and the day of the wedding... Everything else is optional.

So now two months later... She text me about two weeks and while we were chit chatting she says.... I was thinking about the conversation we had and i dont feel that i can be a good bridesmaid to you right now. 
I text her back and said to call me and she hasnt.  I have since left her two vm and havent heard back at all.

this was two weeks ago.  what do i do.  Im getting really frustrated and the thing that really makes me mad is that she had to say something like that in a text message and then dissapear. 
and im like "no big deal... ITS JUST MY WEDDING."

WHAT DO I DO?

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Re: WHAT DO I DO????

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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e31d159b-6da1-4cbf-986d-0fa3c9aa354fPost:8c3e783f-6c53-4816-83d6-e20cfae8809d">WHAT DO I DO????</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need help... I am getting married in April and have 4 Bridesmaids.  One of them is going through a lot of family things currently.  I had lunch with her months ago and i told her that i loved her and wanted her to be a part of the wedding but that i didnt want to stress her anymore then she already was.  She said that my wedding was the one thing she was looking forward to and that she wouldnt miss it.  I also explained to her that all i expect her to do is to be there for rehearsal and the day of the wedding... Everything else is optional. So now two months later... She text me about two weeks and while we were chit chatting she says.... I was thinking about the conversation we had and i dont feel that i can be a good bridesmaid to you right now.  I text her back and said to call me and she hasnt.  I have since left her two vm and havent heard back at all. this was two weeks ago.  what do i do.  Im getting really frustrated and the thing that really makes me mad is that she had to say something like that in a text message and then dissapear.  and im like "no big deal... ITS JUST MY WEDDING." WHAT DO I DO?
    Posted by amalia0525[/QUOTE]
    Step One: CALM DOWN.
    <div>
    </div><div>Leave the wedding out of it completely.  Leave her another VM and tell her that you're worried about her and want to be sure everything's okay, and to call you if there's anything you can do.  Then the ball's in her court.<div>
    </div><div>Has something happened lately to her (loss of job, relationship problems, family problems)?  Have you perhaps been talking about the wedding more than you realize and she's had enough?  Did you get her budget before picking out a dress?  Just trying to throw out some ideas as to why she may have fallen off the face of the earth like this.  Sometimes personal problems come up and BMs can no longer commit to being in the wedding, and you shouldn't hold it against her if that's what happened.  On the flip side, if something happened on your end to make her feel like she didn't want to be in the wedding anymore, you want to know what that is.</div></div>
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    Ditto Brooke and Banana, especially about the calming down part.



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    lalap69lalap69 member
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    I'd leave her one more voicemail just letting her know that you're worried about her because you haven't heard from her in a while and you want to make sure everything's okay.  Don't mention the wedding at all.  And then give her some time.

    You have 4 months until the wedding.  You don't need to push that side of things right now.
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    ManwaithielManwaithiel member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e31d159b-6da1-4cbf-986d-0fa3c9aa354fPost:8c744f56-b154-4a88-a8fe-ac1baac51513">Re: WHAT DO I DO????</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd leave her one more voicemail just letting her know that you're worried about her because you haven't heard from her in a while and you want to make sure everything's okay.  Don't mention the wedding at all.  And then give her some time. You have 4 months until the wedding.  You don't need to push that side of things right now.
    Posted by lalap69[/QUOTE]

    This!
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    tldhtldh member
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    Forget about your wedding for the time being.  If she won't talk to you, do you have any mutual friends who may know what is going on?
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2010
    It's obvious that you are upset because she's not talking it out with you, even after you made it clear that there would be no hard feelings if she decided not to participate. That's totally understandable. I would be upset as well.

    However:


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-do-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e31d159b-6da1-4cbf-986d-0fa3c9aa354fPost:8c3e783f-6c53-4816-83d6-e20cfae8809d">WHAT DO I DO????</a>:
    [QUOTE]Im getting really frustrated and the thing that really makes me mad is that she had to say something like that in a text message and then dissapear.  and im like "no big deal... ITS JUST MY WEDDING." WHAT DO I DO?
    Posted by amalia0525[/QUOTE]

    It really IS "just a wedding." I promise you. A wedding is a nice day of your life ... and when you've been planning it for maybe a year or more, of course it seems like it's THE most important day of your life ...

    But it's not. It's a nice day, but it's just A DAY. It won't be the ultimate happy day of your life, it won't be the absolute most important thing you do, it won't stay on your mind forever. It's just a nice formality for your relationship, and it's a nice party to celebrate with your loved ones. Your relationship with your FI really, REALLY is not going to be affected all that much by your wedding. Again, it's a formality. If you're close enough to agree to get married, then you've already established that important connection and closeness ... it doesn't start on the wedding day.

    So, yes, by all means, be confused as to why she's avoiding you. But don't treat your wedding like a huge deal in this situation ... because in this situation, the wedding really has nothing to do with it.
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    DNAtimeDNAtime
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    Don't yell! I can hear you just fine.
    Ditto lalap, give one more good try with a phone call NWR and then let it ride, don't smother her, and see if she comes around. 
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