What do you think?

nicole1125

I am a salon and spa owner for alittle over 3 years now, One of my hairdressers has been with me since I opened. We are close here at the shop and have hung out a few times outside of work but only at like a bbq she had at her house or vise-versa and one or twice I was out at a bar with friends and she meet me there. Before I got engaged she started saying things about how she has never been a brides maid or even said "I better be a brides maid" (in like a joking tone) I always just laughed it off kind of a thing. Well now I feel like she is expecting me to ask her and I really dont want to. Not to sound mean but we really are not that close and she really doesnt fit in with my girls, I am 24 years old and my girls range from 17 years to 26 years, she is a 37 year old mom of two going thru a bad divorce. Totally different stage of life then us. (also my mom is not a big fan of hers) I also am not asking my cousin (who I was a brides maid for bc I dont want to have a big bride party as we are trying to keep it even, 5 people each and if you ask one cousin you got to ask all). So everyone keeps telling me I have to do what I want and not worry about other peoples feelings.( I am the type of person who always feels bad and doent want to hurt anyones feelings)......I keep avoiding wedding talk with her but I know I cant do that forever soon or later she will find out..I am going to ask her to do my hair for the big day tho.....What do you think I should do? Talk to her about it or just kinda skim over it and never say anything directly about her not being in it?

This has been the most stressful part of the planning so far! lol Thank you for reading this and your help!!

Licia&Wayne

That's something that gets posted about on this board a lot. Check back on some other posts to see more in-depth advice.

Essentially, you are doing the right thing by not really talking to her about the wedding. She will see she isn't part of the WP when the wedding gets closer and you don't ask her.

If she starts to think she's part of the wedding party, just gently let her know how much you enjoy her and can't wait for her to be a guest at the wedding <---but that's only in an extreme case.

CTGirl30

My best advice for you is to (a) forget about the notion of even sides and (b) ask the people whom you truly want up there with you, regardless of that means 3 girls or 6.  

For me that meant asking my closest friends and not asking anyone to be MOH but rather, they're all BMs. Everyone's wedding party will look different but what's important is that you have people up there with you who mean the world to you. (More so than an arbitrary number, know what I mean? Or not having a girl you would have loved to have had only b/c she wuold have been #6 and your FI had 5 people so you felt you needed to limit to 5 - know what I'm saying? Uneven WPs are very common these days).

No matter that this coworker might be hoping to be asked - if she's not one of your dearest friends (and sounds like she's not!) then don't feel obligated into asking her or guilty if you don't. You can gently let her know that the WP has been asked if she should bring it up with you: "I appreciate your excitement about our wedding but we've asked the wedding party already. I do hope you'll do us the honor of coming to our wedding as a guest and celebrating with us! It would mean so much."    Don't sit her down and tell her she hasn't been asked, though - that would be cruel. If she should as you (a faux pas, etiquette-wise, but it happens) then you can break the news to her gently. 

I'm not sure I'd ask her to do my hair if I were worried she'd be very upset over not being asked...I'd probably have someone else do my hair to avoid the awkward factor but that's your call and it depends on how she handles finding out she hasn't been asked...

suz62984

1- Her age, fitting in with other BMs, and even sides don't really matter to your problem. If you don't want her in the WP than don't ask.

2- Don't have the "this is why you aren't good enough to be in the WP" conversation. No those won't be the exact words but the message will be the same

3- Don't share wedding details with her and she will get the hint.

4- If she says something directly just tell her that you are sorry but you can't have everyone you loved up there with you because then you wouldn't have any guests. Tell her that being a guest is an honor and that you hope she will attend.

nicole1125

Thank u so much for all ur advice! I feel better about the situation now..I really appreciate it!

mbcdefg

Your bridesmaid (or bridesmen, if you have brothers or guy friends you want to ask) should be your closest friends.

Don't ask anyone out of guilt, obligation, to keep the sides even, to pay them back for you being in her/his wedding, or because you think they will be a good helper or throw nice parties for you. If you are not their close friend, then they probably should not be a bridesmaid.

Likewise, do not avoid asking a good friend because of her age, marital status, other obligations, location, financial status or because your sides are even and you think you cannot have uneven sides. If someone is uncomfortable being a bridesmaid, they will decline the offer. Otherwise, do not assume that someone is too busy/uninterested/poor/far to do it. Let THEM make that call. It would be rude of the bride to assume that she knows her friends' personal situations and inner thoughts.

If this girl is not a close friend (and it sounds like she's not), then that should be your reason for not asking her. Not her divorce, not her age, not her bank account. Like PPs said, just avoid the topic, and don't say or do anything that would lead her on. She will figure it out and she'll get over it. (And if not, who cares? It was her own fault for building up unrealistic expectations.)