How to deal with indecisive bridesmaids?

fridaysdance

We have been looking at dresses for them since right after I got engaged in December. I do not want to order from a bridal boutique or DB if at all possible because I want to save a little money and really do not want "traditional" bridesmaids dresses. It's just not something that fits with the rest of our wedding.

Anywho, I have pointed out several dresses online and taken MOH shopping with me. My other BM doesn't have a lot of free time thanks to school. I get it. However, they seem to reject every single idea I show them for one reason or another.

I put together a list of 7 choices, all from local stores and fairly priced, for them to look at in their free time and pick a favorite or two from and get back to me so I can make a final decision. I have a feeling MOH will continue to complain even though this makes about 25 options I have shown her. She wants something that feels more like a bridesmaid dress, but I don't like the look of it with rustic reds and gold in everything else.

I told both girls I wanted some input in the next 2-3 weeks. I know my wedding is still a long way off, but I'm in engineering school and starting internships and labs that will take up most of my time soon. I am about to lose a lot of my planning time. Seeing as I have given them several options, would it be rude to just pick one I like if they still can't decide?

I would not pick something that would look awful on either. I live with one and grew up with the other so I know what they feel comfortable in.

msuprincess04

Give them a set date for which to pick a dress or send you their preferences. Tell them pretty plainly that at that point you will take their suggestions into consideration and pick a dress. When that date comes and passes, if they didn't get you a preference, then they gave up their right to get a say. Then pick your dress and move on. The other option, which may be easier, is just to give them a color and a style/fabric and have them pick their own as it seems you already have your color and scheme planned. 

Good luck with school! 

MyNameIsNot

How far off are you?  It is completely unfair to ask them to order dresses more than 6 months in advance, no matter what your schedule is.  Your busy schedule is not their problem, and you shouldn't punish them for it.  

When the time comes, I would give them each a swatch of paint and tell them to go find a dress in that color that is (long or short) and wear it on the day.  Then you won't have to worry about it.

khalliwell

I was in the exact same position as you.  I have 7 BM's and told them all the color, length and fabric I wanted the dress to be in, and then let them pick their own style.  I wanted to be an easy going bride and not make anyone wear something they weren't comfortable in (plus try picking a dress that looks good on 7 different body types).  This almost seemed to backfire though, as a few BM's were super picky and wouldn't make a decision.  I basically just told everyone the date I'd be placing the order, and they had to pick a dress style by then.  If they didn't, I'd pick one for them.  One left it until the weekend before, but by the date they all had their style picked out!

Also, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to do it early.  It's your wedding and if this is the only time you have to do it (whether it's 6 months before or not) your friends should understand that.

ElisabethJoanne

Having a small bridal party is supposed to be easier, but I have just 2 bridesmaids, too, my sisters, and Mom told me from the beginning I'd have to choose their dress; they'd never agree.

I buy even my shoes online, so being asked to go to a store to look at something would annoy me. Take a picture yourself and send it to me. Indeed, it DID annoy me when Mom made me re-work my weekend around looking in person at the bridesmaids dresses she found.

/end rant

Advice:
*Don't make these girls run errands or window shop. Like I said, send them a picture or link.
*Don't expect all 3 of you to be head-over-heels about 1 dress. Just maximize happiness: Their second choice, your first choice, or vice versa.
*Don't make them order further in advance than necessary for the store. If you're really going to be pressed for time in 2 months or whenever the store/theknot suggests ordering the dresses, fill out the paperwork, or draft an e-mail, or however it's going to work, now. It'll probably take 3 minutes to send in the order.

Viczaesar

Your wedding is November 17.  Regardless of what's happening in your personal life, it's way too soon to ask anyone to buy a dress for your wedding.  This is one of those things that you can't just do on your own schedule whenever you feel like it to get it out of the way.  Their bodies will likely change between now and November, and it's rude to ask them to shell out money now for a dress that will hang in their closets for more than 6 months.  Heck, one of your bridesmaids could very well get pregnant and be up to 6 months along between now and then.  It's just too soon.  If you don't think you'll have time to coordinate dresses and shopping when it's a more appropriate time, then you will have to go with the least labor and time intensive (for you) choice - telling them a length and color and maybe fabric and letting them figure it out for themselves.

fridaysdance

I forgot to mention that I am helping pay for the dresses if not paying for them totally. I told the girls I would pay for the order initially since they both are in strange work situations, and they could get the money back to me later. Also, the date in my bio may not be correct. That was our original date but we may be moving it up due to his job situation.

I know that this all sounds a little crazy but there is a good chance he will be getting a job several hours away and we may be moving. Everything that looks promising is at least 2 states away.

Plus, the girls are the ones driving me crazy about picking but want to fight over it every time I pick a time to go look or suggest anything at all.

GoodLuckBear14

Here's the answer I gave on another board.  btw - not cool to complain about the ladies on one board to the ladies on another.
___________________________________________-

It stopped being your day when you decided to invite guests.

Everyone has busy lives.  You are far from being alone in this respect.  When I got married, I had just moved to Philadelphia, was trying to find a job in law, was studying for the PA bar exam after four years of practice in Ohio and was working a part time job selling home decor. (And in case you're wondering, bar prep is a 12-16 hour day every day for two months).  I got married six weeks after I sat for the bar. 

I did as much as I possibly could before my life went to warp speed stress but only for things that DH and I could do just by ourselves.  For anything that involved the time of others, even though it was far from convenient for me, I managed to find a couple of spare hours while I was being stretched thin.  I find it difficult to believe that you won't have five hours on a Saturday in August to find dresses.

The ladies on the other boards are telling you that you are nowhere near crunch time and honestly, this is too far out to be ordering dresses.  If your BMs really wanted to order them now, they'd be all over you about this, which it doesn't sound like they are.