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Very Young Nephews...

MacFreitas7MacFreitas7
500 Comments
in Wedding Party
Hello there...

So, when I got engaged the first thing my SIL said to me was that my nephews are going to look so cute in tuxes. (by the time the wedding comes around they will be 4 and 2.5)

I never once asked them or my SIL to be my "ring bearers" in my wedding... she just assumed that because they are my nephews they will be in the wedding.

Here's my issue: the other day my SIL said that her sister (who isn't invited to the wedding because i am not close with her or her family at all, besides my SIL) will be at the ceremony to watch the kids, will be with us at the hotel getting ready because of the kids, and will be there to have them introduced, then will take them back to the hotel to watch them while the wedding continues...

1. I know they're my nephews, but this situation seems more of a hassle than anything else.
2. I really don't want to include my nephews - i love them to death, but they don't listen and will just be little pains
3. we aren't including FI's nephew and they never assumed we were - so we're all set with that!
4. i don't want SIL sister at the wedding or "babysitting" what's the point? I feel like it's for SIL to "show off her kids"

How do I tell my SIL i don't want my nephews in the wedding?
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Re: Very Young Nephews...

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I think I'd say that there seems to have been a misunderstanding, and that you're not having any children in the WP, either your nephews, nor your FI's nephews, but that you'll look forward to seeing them at the wedding, and hope to take pictures of yourself and the "adorable" little tykes. 

    Why, oh why do people make assumptions that everyone wants their progeny included as part of every single thing going on?

    GL
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Oh, sorry I missed that initially.  Then I guess I'd amend my original statement to say, "I'm so sorry that there seems to have been a misunderstanding about our wedding.  We're not having children in the WP or even at the wedding." 

    I do stand by my original statement though:  I just don't understand why people make assumptions like your SIL did.  My brother and SIL were married when my older DD was 2, her brother 4, and my sister also had 2 & 4 yr. old girls.  It never occurred to us to assume that they were going to be in the WP, nor even invited to the wedding.  (They're weren't and we were happy to have the opportunity to go out and leave all 4 kids in the competent hands of my sister's babysitter.)

    Good luck.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • balasjbalasj
    100 Comments
    I agree with PP - settle this sooner than later.  I had a similar issue - no children at all are being invited but there are several (ages 2-12) in the family.  We had to get FMIL on the same page about the kids and solicited her assistance in communicating it to the other family members so maybe try that approach?  Its unfortunate that not all adults appreciate that not every function is child-friendly.  Its nothing against them personally but just a preference for the evening at such an adult event that kids don't appreciate.  Good luck!
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  • MacFreitas7MacFreitas7
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_very-young-nephews?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e818b722-0589-440b-a68e-294ff369b4d2Post:39d550e9-daee-45a8-acc8-56e7c7c6369a">Re: Very Young Nephews...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, sorry I missed that initially.  Then I guess I'd amend my original statement to say, "I'm so sorry that there seems to have been a misunderstanding about our wedding.  We're not having children in the WP or even at the wedding."  I do stand by my original statement though:  I just don't understand why people make assumptions like your SIL did.  My brother and SIL were married when my older DD was 2, her brother 4, and my sister also had 2 & 4 yr. old girls.  It never occurred to us to assume that they were going to be in the WP, nor even invited to the wedding.  (They're weren't and we were happy to have the opportunity to go out and leave all 4 kids in the competent hands of my sister's babysitter.) Good luck.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    You're right.
    I agree with your original statement too!
    what's the saying when assuming things? "you only make an ass out of you and me?"  
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  • LD1970LD1970 member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    But guys, there IS a kid who'll be in the wedding & invited - she's 9.  She's just not young enough to need babysitting.

    So the real response is:  "We're not having YOUNG kids in the wedding, no ring bearers or flower girls, and the only kid in/at the wedding will be a 9 yo junior bridesmaid."
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I don't even think you need to admit that there will be a kid.  Kids aren't an all-or-nothing group and no one old/mature enough to reproduce should need to be warned like that.

    It's one thing if a couple invites everyone's kids but yours; that's rude.  It's quite another if they invite a select few and not yours.  There is a difference.
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