Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???

french_mani

So FI and I have asked his 4 neices to be in our wedding as jr. bridesmaids. (He promised them years ago when they were very young- and so he's keeping his promise) I do want them to feel included by wearing matching dresses, getting their hair done, etc. However, we are not sure if they should stand up at the front during the ceremony. It would just feel like a lot of people. We are also having my 13 year old cousin escort my mom to her seat and then just have him sit with his parents. Would it be rude to have them NOT stand up front with the rest of the wedding party? 

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:facaa31b-454f-431e-bc0f-2312c6f11357">Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]So FI and I have asked his 4 neices to be in our wedding as jr. bridesmaids. (He promised them years ago when they were very young- and so he's keeping his promise) I do want them to feel included by wearing matching dresses, getting their hair done, etc. However, we are not sure if they should stand up at the front during the ceremony. It would just feel like a lot of people. We are also having my 13 year old cousin escort my mom to her seat and then just have him sit with his parents. Would it be rude to have them NOT stand up front with the rest of the wedding party? 
Posted by french_mani[/QUOTE]

Yes it would be rude.  There is also no reason to call them Junior Bridesmaids.  They will be wearing the same dress and carrying the same flowers as the other BMs.

btw - your FI was out of line for promising this at all.  He doesn't get a say in your side. If he really wants them in the wedding, they could have stood on his side.

french_mani

they are young girls, they will not be wearing the same dress as my BMs and will most likely have a smaller boquet.

He promised them years ago when they were really little (before we even met) and they did not forget about it so we didn't want to break their hearts, they just want to feel included in some way. we already asked them so there is no turnng back now

artbyallie

I'm with GLB. Would you want to be called 'junior' anything? At any age? Neither do they.

MyNameIsNot

Yes, they need to be standing up during the ceremony.  Nothing screams "I really didn't want you in the wedding but am having you so that FI can honor something he said years ago" more than treating them like little kids and leaving them out of the ceremony.

Give them a regular bouquet and have them stand with the rest of the BMs.  

french_mani

they are kids... and i always thought junior bridesmaid was a real title.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:c787ac7b-04be-42b7-9653-e2de0f415f99">Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]they are kids... and i always thought junior bridesmaid was a real title.
Posted by french_mani[/QUOTE]

<div>They're teens, not toddlers.  If you've ever met one, you'd understand that nothing is more insulting to a teenager than treating them like little kids.  </div><div>
</div><div>Junior bridesmaid is a made up title.  They are bridesmaids in a conservative bust dress.  They do the same thing and should be treated the same way.  </div>

kmmssg

If they have been given the BM title they need to stand up at the front of the church.

AdeleDazeem

Just because they are kids doesn't mean you get to disrespect them.  They are bridesmaids buy your own hand - they stand up in the ceremony.

stephie25

I know this is not the popular opinion here, but I have an 8 year old Junior Bridesmaid (who is thrilled with the role/title). She will walk down and sit up front with the flower girls/ring bearer during the ceremony, and she is wearing a slightly different dress from the other girls. Niether the junior bridesmaid nor her parents seem offended by this. Junior bridesmaids are common here. 

artbyallie

Stephie, I still bet she'd be even more thrilled to be simply a bridesmaid, just like the big girls.

pisha82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:c787ac7b-04be-42b7-9653-e2de0f415f99">Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]they are kids... and i always thought junior bridesmaid was a real title.
Posted by french_mani[/QUOTE]

It is a title, I have one. I would just ask them if they want to stand with you and what they want to do. We are doing a Catholic ceremony so no one is really standing with us. She could also just come up to stand when you say your vows then sit again. Also mine is wearing a different dress also. I will let her pick it. I have actually never seen a jr bridesmaid wear the exact same dress. Mostly it depends how old they are as to how exactly you want to handle it. If they are like 9 or 10 it would be harder for them to do everything, if they are 13 14 15 then standing with you is fine, they are old enough. You seem to have a good relationship with them, just ask them and their parents what they want to do.

Summer2011Bride

OP saying they are wearing a different dress and so therefore can be treated differently isn't much of an argument anymore, since BMs are often in mismatched dresses too. Even if yours are all wearing the same, that's not a good reason to not treat them the same way.

I'd drop the junior title; I bet they'd be even more thrilled to be treated the same as "the big girls." Most definitely have them stand up with the other girls. If someone asked me to be a jr. bridesmaid, but then I wasn't allowed to do the same stuff as the other girls and was asked to sit and not stand up with the bride, first it would feel like a pity ask, which it kind of is since FI just didn't want to break a promise. I would also feel second string. Please don't do that to the girls.

ETA: And pisha, what exactly would a 9 or 10 year old be too young to do? A 9 year old can't walk down an aisle and stand? I highly doubt that. Our 3 year old flower girl was able to do that just fine.

TheSlowskys

I think its fine to call them Jr. Bridesmaids.  I think it bothers the ladies on the knot a lot more than it bothers the actual kids.  But since they are in the party they should stand.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:8a5541ed-e70c-41b8-a8d0-a49d15c4d75a">Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony??? : It is a title, I have one. I would just ask them if they want to stand with you and what they want to do. We are doing a Catholic ceremony so no one is really standing with us. She could also just come up to stand when you say your vows then sit again. Also mine is wearing a different dress also. I will let her pick it. I have actually never seen a jr bridesmaid wear the exact same dress. Mostly it depends how old they are as to how exactly you want to handle it. If they are like 9 or 10 it would be harder for them to do everything, if they are 13 14 15 then standing with you is fine, they are old enough. You seem to have a good relationship with them, just ask them and their parents what they want to do.
Posted by pisha82[/QUOTE]

Do you refer to your other BMs as senior bridesmaids? It's a real title, right?

pisha82

Yes I call all my bridemaids over 30 senior bridesmaids. Really ladies no need for all of us to get crazy here. I have contracts for my band and florist that both have lines for jr. bridesmaid and jr groomsmen. So to some people it is a title and treated differently then a bridesmaid.
Would you expect a flowergirl to stand through a 30 min ceremony? I dont know most adults that want to. I have friends with 9 and 10 year olds and they wouldnt want to stand up in front of everyone at all. I know some of the kids in my wedding do not want to stand up with us, and one actually wants to sit with us on the alter. So I think every child is different. I also do not think anyone of us should make a choice for them. Ask them and take it from there. IF they want to stand up with you let them, if they dont let them pick where they want to go.
My jr bridesmaid is excitted she gets a different dress. She wants to help pick it and it was her choice to get a different dress. Keep in mind some parents may not want their daughters wearing the same dress as the bridesmaids. If you pick a strapless some parents may not want there child wearing it or it may not look right on a child or teenager. Or they may not feel right in a dress like that.

louannholzer

I have three "jr" bridesmaids who are SO exited to be included. Two are my fiances sisters (whom I asked) and one is the little girl I use to nanny. One is 8 and the other two are twelve. 

They will be going down after the bridesmaids and pulling two of our little guys in a wagon (my nephew and his nephew) their dresses will be the SAME dress but short and in a different color. I think its a great way to include them but I think they should be aloud to stand up if their parents are paying for the dress, hair, make up ect. 

It's not about having to many people up there its about having the people you love up there.

Simply Fated

The title exists in my circle, too. They don't wear, carry or do the same things as the other girls, so giving them a different title is appropriate. Really, if the girl doesn't mind the title, then what's the big deal? I was called a junior for a whole year in high school. I survived.

ETA: To answer the initial question, HE asked them, so they should stand on his side. He can decide if the stand or sit during the ceremony. On his side.

2012FutureMrsB

My oldest neice (14) was a Jr. BM and my younger neice (7) was the flower girl. They were both super excited to be in the wedding and the older one was not the least offended by her "junior" title. She understood that the other BM were my best friends (and also my sister) who were all adults (29-32 years old). She could care less that she had been given the title "junior" b/c she understood that title is common for BM under 18.

However, I DID have both the Jr. BM and the flower girl (and ring-bearer) stand at the front with everyone else. And the Jr. BM wore a dress that matched in color to the BM's. They were all very excited and there were no problems.

french_mani

i just wanted some opinions and advice and now i am being told i am disrespecting little kids, that if i ever met a teeneger i would know they don't like to be treated like little kids and i never even shared their ages, there is only one of the four girls who is a teenager she is 14 so i don't know why some people are  assuming they are all teens. One of the girls is actually 8. 

i wasn't asking for opinions on their title since they are Jr. Bridesmaids and are not in any way offended by their title, they were super excited when we asked them. 

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:4aca1e84-48f8-47f8-b73d-05ed48254461">Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]i just wanted some opinions and advice and now i am being told i am disrespecting little kids, that if i ever met a teeneger i would know they don't like to be treated like little kids and i never even shared their ages, there is only one of the four girls who is a teenager she is 14 so i don't know why some people are  assuming they are all teens. One of the girls is actually 8.  i wasn't asking for opinions on their title since they are Jr. Bridesmaids and are not in any way offended by their title, they were super excited when we asked them. 
Posted by french_mani[/QUOTE]
I tried to answer your question...
I posted:
HE asked them, so they should stand on his side. He can decide if the stand or sit during the ceremony. On <em>his</em> side.

Since they are so young, maybe he can ask them if they want to stand during the entire ceremony or not. The ones who want to sit, can sit and the ones who want to stand, can stand. That way, they're happy.
FWIW, at most weddings I've been to, the entire bridal party sat down. The MOH and BM sat on the alter near the bride and groom while the rest of the bridal party sat in pews up front.

french_mani

thanks, i think it would be a good idea to ask them if they would like to stand up front with us. i remember being that age and being painfully shy but they might all want to do it since they will be all together. I talked to FI and we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and since we asked them to be a part of the bridal party, if they would like to stand up front with us it will be fine. Thank you for the ideas

pisha82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:ed3f8e14-97c6-4360-b4e9-ffaff7023ff2">Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony??? : I tried to answer your question... I posted: HE asked them, so they should stand on his side. He can decide if the stand or sit during the ceremony. On his side. Since they are so young, maybe he can ask them if they want to stand during the entire ceremony or not. The ones who want to sit, can sit and the ones who want to stand, can stand. That way, they're happy. FWIW, at most weddings I've been to, the entire bridal party sat down. The MOH and BM sat on the alter near the bride and groom while the rest of the bridal party sat in pews up front.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

I dont think she was asking WHO they should stand up for. And really bc they are kids I think their parents should desided where they stand, not him or her. And sometimes people dont think like that. Guess what I asked my SIL's to stand up for me at my wedding. Why bc I do like them and I would never insult my FI and not have them as part of our bridal party. And even if I didnt like them I would still have them stand up for me not him. Some people will not have someone stand up for them if they are not of the same gender. To some people it is not ok to have a man stand up on the girls side. And honestly it is BOTH of their choice who is in the bridal party and where they stand and one whos side. If your FI wants someone and they are a girl they would stand up for you not him. Bc really your bridal party is for both of you.

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:42eb07b8-cc4d-487d-94cb-8c4ee0c6d1d9">Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony??? : I dont think she was asking WHO they should stand up for. And really bc they are kids I think their parents should desided where they stand, not him or her. And sometimes people dont think like that. Guess what I asked my SIL's to stand up for me at my wedding. Why bc I do like them and I would never insult my FI and not have them as part of our bridal party. And even if I didnt like them I would still have them stand up for me not him.<strong> Some people will not have someone stand up for them if they are not of the same gender.</strong> <strong>To some people it is not ok to have a man stand up on the girls side</strong>. And honestly it is BOTH of their choice who is in the bridal party and where they stand and one whos side. If your FI wants someone and they are a girl they would stand up for you not him. Bc really your bridal party is for both of you.
Posted by pisha82[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I have such a hard time understanding the bolded part.  To judge someone's importance and where they must stand by their genitalia is incredibly shallow and, in my opinion, inexcusable.

</div>

pisha82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:b119ddc8-6fc1-431e-b8d1-16f48f61112d">Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony??? : I have such a hard time understanding the bolded part.  To judge someone's importance and where they must stand by their genitalia is incredibly shallow and, in my opinion, inexcusable.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

To some people it would not be ok to have a girl stand on the guys side or a girl stand on a guys side. Many people still do weddings very traditionally and are not open to some of the newer trends in weddings. It isnt shallow or inexcusable, but having mixed sides isnt always right either.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:af93ea08-3884-4343-a5cb-6ebb24266ff4">Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony??? : To some people it would not be ok to have a girl stand on the guys side or a girl stand on a guys side. Many people still do weddings very traditionally and are not open to some of the newer trends in weddings. It isnt shallow or inexcusable, but having mixed sides isnt always right either.
Posted by pisha82[/QUOTE]

But it's a tradition that has no basis in any kind of logic.  It's just that way because it's that way, and hurting people's feelings or excluding them just because it's not something you've seen before is not okay.

pisha82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:e0bb4329-8d44-47be-b7b1-5bad5293e390">Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony??? : But it's a tradition that has no basis in any kind of logic.  It's just that way because it's that way, and hurting people's feelings or excluding them just because it's not something you've seen before is not okay.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Some people do find the tradition logical. And people are not excluded bc they stand up on the side of there gender. My FI and I picked our wedding party together. We have the people we want standing up on the side of gender. Some people like it that way. And that is ok they arent wrong. People look at it differently.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_junior-bridesmaids-stand-up-at-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ec432cd2-79e0-46d8-b50b-3040a944bf45Post:42eb07b8-cc4d-487d-94cb-8c4ee0c6d1d9">Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Junior Bridesmaids... stand up at ceremony??? : I dont think she was asking WHO they should stand up for. And really bc they are kids I think their parents should desided where they stand, not him or her. And sometimes people dont think like that. Guess what I asked my SIL's to stand up for me at my wedding. Why bc I do like them and I would never insult my FI and not have them as part of our bridal party. And even if I didnt like them I would still have them stand up for me not him. Some people will not have someone stand up for them if they are not of the same gender. To some people it is not ok to have a man stand up on the girls side. And honestly it is BOTH of their choice who is in the bridal party and where they stand and one whos side. If your FI wants someone and they are a girl they would stand up for you not him. Bc really your bridal party is for both of you.
Posted by pisha82[/QUOTE]
I made that suggestions because she didn't sound interested in having them stand up on her side.

She didn't mention anything about her and her fiance wanting females standing with females and males standing with males. Some people don't know that mixed gender parties are even an option, so I was making sure she knew it was possible to have them stand on his side.

french_mani

it was never an issue who's side they would be standing on. The original question was wether to have them up front at all. I am having a maid of honor and a man of honor both standing on my side, so with us we are open to mixing it up