paying for OOT attendants?

crpalumb

So my fiance and I are having 6 attendants each.  Two of his are OOT and he wants to pay for their flights to come to the wedding.  I understand the gesture but I'm not sure that it's fair to the other attendants.  My fiance thinks that his groomsmen might feel burdened by having to fly in for the wedding.  My only counterpoint is that they shouldn't have agreed if they feel this way!

I suggested that we take them and their wives out for nice dinners while they are in town but he feels that this idea isn't on par with their expense.  I'm getting frustrated because I don't think we have the money to pay for this AND I don't really think it's fair to give these two attendants what's basically another gift.

Am I wrong here?

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_paying-oot-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ed863e8b-616a-4958-9621-2ce79a8fd0eaPost:f31bf382-bbaa-45bf-9d8e-c8fc815d4386">paying for OOT attendants?</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance and I are having 6 attendants each.  Two of his are OOT and he wants to pay for their flights to come to the wedding.  I understand the gesture but I'm not sure that it's fair to the other attendants.  My fiance thinks that his groomsmen might feel burdened by having to fly in for the wedding.  My only counterpoint is that they shouldn't have agreed if they feel this way! I suggested that we take them and their wives out for nice dinners while they are in town but he feels that this idea isn't on par with their expense.  I'm getting frustrated because I don't think we have the money to pay for this AND I don't really think it's fair to give these two attendants what's basically another gift. Am I wrong here?
Posted by crpalumb[/QUOTE]

<div>I think it would be a very nice gesture...I don't think it would be unfair to the other attendants because they don't have all the added expenses associated with coming in from out of town. If anything, I think it makes it more fair for the OOT attendants.</div><div>
</div><div>That being said, if you can't afford it, you are not obligated to pay for their airfare. Proper etiquette I believe says that you should offer them a place to stay or pay for their accommodations (if they turn down staying in someone's home in favor of a hotel, then that is their choice and then they pay). But airfare is technically their responsibility. </div><div>
</div><div>Personally, I think if you can swing it financially, you should let your FI win this one.</div>

emilyinchile

I just had 3 OOT attendants (and 1 in town), all of whom had to fly to Chile from the US. I didn't offer to cover their flights because at $1,000 each that would have been impossible, but as Emily mentioned, I had them stay with us for free and also paid for several meals and activities.

I don't think it would be unfair to the other GMs if you paid their airfare, I just think it sounds like potentially a big expense to you that isn't really your responsibility. But whatever you CAN help with would be a nice way to help them lower their costs.

megk8oz

Ditto the Emilys. You don't have to, but it's a nice thing to do. Especially if you can afford to, and the GMs can not. Technically, the travel itself is not your responsibility.

I also don't think it's really unfair to the others, because it's not like you'd be paying for something that all of them would be paying for and only helping out 2 of them.

Anyway, if you don't pay for their flights, you really should try to help them out in other ways once they are in town (Such as helping them out with lodging).

tidetravel

We helped a couple members of our WP with their attire because we knew they couldn't afford it, but it was important for us to have them there.  We made the offer in private, and none of the other members of the WP knew that we paid for them, because it wasn't any of their business. 

If you can afford it, and your FI really wants them there, then help them out as much as you can.  There is no need to feel like you need to do the same for everyone.

suz62984

Emilyinchile!!! You're back...Pictures please!

bablingbrooke

I don't think that it's unfair to the other guys to help the OOT ones cover their expenses if you can swing it.  You certainly aren't required to do it but it would be a nice gesture.  And in a way it is the most fair thing since all the guys would be out of pocket the same amount.  But like PPs said, it's not rude if you don't.  It's just also not unfair if you do.