How do I let my mother in-law to be down easy?

Lilgel

My fiance has a vivacious little sister who is known for her tantrums and embarassing scenes lol Quite frankly i dont feel like dealing with this on my wedding day so I am not sure that I want her in my wedding party...IHowever I dont know that I feel like dealing with an all out brawl with her either...Anyone been iin a similar situation??

blackfire5th

I'm not sure what you are asking.  Does your FMIL want you to make her a bm and you don't want to?

blackfire5th

Whoa!  Your wedding isn't until Oct. 2011.  Wedding Party isn't something you should think about for another year.  If you MIL asks, just tell her since the wedding is so far away, you aren't worrying about the wedding party for a while.

You don't have to have anyone you don't want as a bm.  You don't have to give your FMIL any explanation and if she does ask, you can just tell her that you have chosen those that are closest to you and you and your FSIL just don't have a close relationship.

You could try to honor her in a different way, like asking her to do a reading. 

However, if it is going to cause a lot of family drama by not including her, it might be the better choice to have her as a bm.  Just don't talk to her about wedding things and when she throws a tantrum, just ignore her, she is just trying to get attention.

blackfire5th

One last thing, if you don't want to deal with her (but must include her in the WP), your DH can choose to have her stand on his side as a groomswomen.

blackfire5th

So what is the point of this post?  You say you are close to your FSIL, but you don't want her in the wedding party?  So don't make her a bm and just tell you FMIL that you have decided on the wedding party already, better yet, have your FI deal with her.

The reason you need to wait on the wedding party is because relationships change a lot over the course of a couple years and if you ask now, you may regret some of your choices. 

Wedding planning isn't really that hard.  I also have a very busy schedule and lived half way across the country from where my wedding was and was easily able to get it done in less than a year.  The only planning mistakes that I made was planning things too early (aka only 11 months out, you have almost twice as much).  Step back and do a lot of research and take planning slowly. 

blackfire5th

I gave you excellent suggestions.  I was just trying to be helpful, but if you feel that you know more about wedding planning, have fun with that.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_let-mother-law-down-easy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:eec4998b-e8a7-407e-a121-b6fd3ae2fcfePost:7a936f00-7593-41b9-814f-1d4d57ac00d8">Re: How do I let my mother in-law to be down easy?</a>:
[QUOTE]You seem like a know it all bride. THE POINT was to vent!! And to see if anyone in a similar situation had any suggestions on how they dealt with it. So Thanks but No Thanks!!
Posted by Lilgel[/QUOTE]

Welcome to the internet and <em>public</em> message boards, where a) you weren't forced to post anything in the first place, and b) you don't get to dictate how people respond to your posts.

You've been given very good advice that you are refusing to acknowledge. You say you don't want added stress in your life? Then don't even think about who you want to be in your bridal party until at least nine months before your wedding. If you insist on worrying about your bridal party nearly two years out, you only have yourself to blame for the added stress in your life.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_let-mother-law-down-easy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:eec4998b-e8a7-407e-a121-b6fd3ae2fcfePost:67ee9a69-aaa8-4c31-9fa9-6bb534df5c62">How do I let my mother in-law to be down easy?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance has a vivacious little sister who is known for her tantrums and embarassing scenes lol Quite frankly i dont feel like dealing with this on my wedding day so I am not sure that I want her in my wedding party...IHowever I dont know that I feel like dealing with an all out brawl with her either...Anyone been iin a similar situation??
Posted by Lilgel[/QUOTE]

Oh, you <em>know</em> it's coming...

blackfire5th

haha, thanks ziti, I was pondering if I should quote her for when the other regulars come back and she realizes that she is going to get the same advice.

michaela48

Lilgel, I think its good you are planning early! I am now 9 months out from my wedding and starting to book vendors and a lot of the good ones are already taken. Being organized and planning ahead is a good thing! Planning a wedding is a lot of work!  I also think its fine that you are asking your bridesmaids now to be in your wedding even if its far away. My bridesmaids are all friends that I have had for years and know that I will be close to in years to come.

mbcdefg

You got good advice, so stop whining.

Don't deal with a wedding party right now. "FMIL, we're still really early out! I'll think about a wedding party later." Then change the subject or walk away.

When it's time to choose a wedding party (about 10 months before the wedding, or less if you want), pick people you're close to. If FSIL fits the bill, fine. If not, then don't pick her. FMIL will just have to deal with it.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_let-mother-law-down-easy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:eec4998b-e8a7-407e-a121-b6fd3ae2fcfePost:7c110d57-eead-472d-8554-5e866799402f">Re: How do I let my mother in-law to be down easy?</a>:
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_let-mother-law-down-easy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:eec4998b-e8a7-407e-a121-b6fd3ae2fcfePost:67ee9a69-aaa8-4c31-9fa9-6bb534df5c62">How do I let my mother in-law to be down easy?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance has a vivacious little sister who is known for her tantrums and embarassing scenes lol Quite frankly i dont feel like dealing with this on my wedding day so I am not sure that I want her in my wedding party...IHowever I dont know that I feel like dealing with an all out brawl with her either...Anyone been iin a similar situation??
Posted by Lilgel[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE] Its not even that i dont want his sister in my wedding, I love her and we are rly close. [/QUOTE]


So which is the REAL story? Because right now, I'm confused, and I know it's not due to MY lack of reading and comprhension skills.

japow1984

Listen closely to the advice on this board and really think about it. It is really exciting when you get engaged and you want to ask people right away. I wish I would have seen this message board about 6 months ago. I'm a prime example of getting engaged and jumping the gun on a wedding party. I would have went a HECK of alot smaller. Relationships really do change and you don't even realize it. The previous posters are giving you GREAT advice. I think alot gets lost in translation on these boards, people are really just trying to help and give advice from their experience.  

And hey, with all that being said you may even be closer to your FSIL at this time next year and it might not even be an issue.

banana468

The ladies are absolutely right about waiting to ask the BP.

And in the meantime, focus on your relationships with these people.  If you are close with her, why not ask her?

duckie1905

OP-you got great advice from someone who isn't a know-it-all.  She just knows more than YOU.  Stop complaining and take the good advice you were given.

trix1223

The advice you were given was very good.  You shouldn't choose a WP this early.  Why?  Check around this board and see the posts from people who chose too early and now regret their choices.

You have the PERFECT opportunity to say to your FMIL "We're not choosing a wedding party until after the holidays in 2010."  And then don't choose a party.  There's NO reason, none at all, that you need a WP more than 10 months before your wedding.

In the coming year, your "vivacious" little FSIL may mature some and change.  You will have an opportunity to work with her on her tantrum throwing ways.

In the meantime, go ahead and plan your wedding:  book church, reception hall, etc.  Just DON'T choose a WP and this situation may just resolve itself and your decision can become much clearer to you.

MyNameIsNot

Did you really show up on an advice message board, complaining about a problem, get excellent advice, and then snap at her because you were only venting?  Are you 4?

Blackfire gave you excellent advice.  You should listen to it.  Maybe you don't want to because you just like the drama?

SassyBrass

You have time, and I'm sure within that time she just may grow up some herself.
But if not, whether you put her in the WP or not I'm sure she'd find a way to throw a tantrum.
For now I just say don't give yourself unnecessary stress over something you don't need to worry about right now.